


Against The Grain

by poprockshawty



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Archery, F/F, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence, Mystery, Politics, Rags to Riches, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25069063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poprockshawty/pseuds/poprockshawty
Summary: Queen Joohyun is grossly misunderstood by everyone, except her personal guard, Captain Kang Seulgi.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 191
Kudos: 256





	1. Tragedy

**Author's Note:**

> This is a feminist fic that advocates the empowerment of women in a society that is dominated by male authority.

Princess Joohyun had been taught since a young age that she must look graceful and elegant at all times, and that she must carry herself with dignity as a member of the royal family.

However, this brittle image was thrown out the window when Joohyun was trying to run as fast as she possibly could. She did not care how she looked — the only thing on her mind was that she needed to go to her elder sister’s rescue right away.

“Your Highness! Your Highness!” The Princess’ handmaiden shouted desperately, struggling to simultaneously breathe and run after the royal she was supposed to attend. “You mustn't go to Princess Jooyeon’s residence! It will just bring trouble to you!”

“She’s my sister no matter what,” Joohyun insisted, albeit panting. “I won’t be dissuaded, so don’t try.”

She barely managed to finish her sentence when she tripped on her skirt and fell to the ground. It hurt and she let out a yelp; her knee was throbbing and she grimaced, but it did nothing to weaken her resolve. Gritting her teeth, she got back up on her feet as quickly as possible. There would be bruises and her skirt was dirtied but none of that mattered to her at the moment. She got up and kept going, ignoring her handmaiden’s pleas. The poor handmaiden had no choice but to keep running and chasing after the princess, and when she finally caught up, the scene that was unfolding before her eyes was exactly as she expected.

Joohyun stopped at the gates of her elder sister’s residence, feeling as if she was about to pass out. It was noon after all and the sun was shining mercilessly upon everyone in the palace. While there was the concern that she might faint from dehydration, she had more pressing matters to resolve.

“Let me in,” she said to the guards at the gates. “I demand to see my sister.”

Once she had caught her breath, her tone had become much more commanding and authoritative as was befitting of a royal. But she was not the highest-ranking royal there — her father was the sovereign whose supreme authority meant that his orders would always override anyone else’s.

“I apologize, Your Highness,” said one of the guards, gravely. “The King’s edict is clear — no visitors are allowed. It has been decreed that Princess Jooyeon is to remain in her quarters to reflect upon her mistakes. This will be the case until further notice. Pardon us for not being able to satisfy your command.”

Joohyun had seen this coming. She _knew_ what the King’s orders entailed. But she could not bring herself to abandon her sister at such a critical moment. She wondered what strategy she should try next, if she ought to repeat herself with more sternness, even though she felt helpless and hopeless knowing her authority was inferior to the sovereign’s. Yet just as she was about to open her mouth and speak, her handmaiden was the one who piped up.

“You would dare disobey Her Highness’ orders?” The handmaiden’s tone was so sharp and resolute that Joohyun and the guards were surprised that a palace servant could be capable of this. “Are you not aware that, in the circumstance that any misfortune should befall Princess Jooyeon, it is Princess Joohyun who is going to be the heiress to the throne? Would you wish to offend or disrespect not just a Princess but also the prospective future Queen?”

Although her words seemed to intimidate the guards and work in Joohyun’s favor, inwardly Joohyun’s heart sank because of the implications in her handmaiden’s words: that her sister, the Crown Princess, was most likely going to be deposed and disowned. Only then would it be legally permissible for Joohyun to be next in line to the throne.

Joohyun understood the gravity of the situation. Her sister had made a huge mistake which dragged her on a path of no return. There was nothing that could be done that could possibly fix or undo this mess. Joohyun just wanted to be by her sister’s side, for emotional support if nothing else.

The handmaiden’s outburst seemed to take some desired effect on the guards who exchanged worried glances. Grimly, they relented and made way for Princess Joohyun to enter the residence. She instructed her handmaiden to wait right outside as she bolted to her sister’s side.

“Joohyun?” Jooyeon croaked weakly, slowly getting up from the fetal position she was curled up in. “How did you manage to get in here? What were you thinking?” She asked, even though her voice carried no energy. “You know our father forbade it. You shouldn’t have broken the rules to come visit me. I broke the rules and look at what’s happening to me now.”

Joohyun went up to her sister and they hugged. Jooyeon had already been crying nonstop and crying even harder now that she was in her sister’s embrace. Joohyun was not a crier, but that did not mean her heart was not equally hurting. It hurt even more to see that Jooyeon was still in her nightgown and barefaced, looking paler than a ghost.

“How are you holding up?” Joohyun asked. “Have you not eaten anything? Please don’t starve yourself...it isn’t good for your health,” she added, and then gulped. “Nor is it good for the baby.”

Jooyeon smiled wryly, then looked down at her tummy even though there was no bump showing just yet. “The baby, you say? Perhaps if I starve the baby to death then it would get rid of all my problems. What do you reckon, Joohyun? Do you think it’s gonna work? If I starve myself? I could try it. Maybe I shouldn’t drink any water either. That’ll speed it up—”

“Stop,” Joohyun pleaded in anguish. “I came here even though I knew the risks; I came here because I don’t want to see you suffer. So please.”

Jooyeon shook her head and sat down on the nearest chair, shoulders slumped as she looked into the distance and stared blankly at nothing in particular. “Nothing will ever be the same again.”

“While that may be true, I still want to do whatever I can to ensure you can still live a relatively comfortable life,” Joohyun replied solemnly. “Even though your titles will most likely be taken away.”

“That seems to be the least of my worries right now. I’m an immoral woman for having a baby out of wedlock. With one of my guards, of all people. Someone they deem so lowly and unworthy. I suppose I ought to be thankful they don’t take my _life_ away.”

Joohyun sighed. “He was just a guard, a servant at the end of the day; of course they’d have his head. But you’re the King’s daughter. No one can touch a hair on your body unless our father personally and officially commands it.”

“What did you just say?” Jooyeon gasped, clutching her sister’s hands and grasping them as tightly as she could. It made Joohyun wince, but she knew her pain was nothing compared to her sister’s. Jooyeon’s jaw dropped and her eyes went wide even though her stare was still lifeless and hollow. “They...they had him executed?”

Joohyun felt chills run down her spine. “You didn’t know,” she concluded after a chilling moment. “They didn’t tell you.”

Jooyeon let go of Joohyun and instead placed her hand on her chest right away as if searching for her heartbeat, as if attempting, _needing_ to make sure that she was still alive, still breathing, still existing.

“They killed him,” Jooyeon whispered. “They killed the father of my child…”

“I’m so sorry,” said Joohyun sorrowfully. “There was no way they would’ve let him live. They charged him with rape and treason—”

“He didn’t rape me!” Jooyeon howled, the sudden spike in her volume causing her sister to flinch.

“I know…I just…”

“If they want to execute anyone, they should execute that traitor! That handmaiden that ratted me out!” She broke into sobs again, her chest heaving up and down. The more she tried to breathe, the more she felt as if she was going to throw up. It was only after a few minutes when she seemed to have calmed down that she was able to carry on talking. “I don’t know what gave me the impression that he and I were being careful, that we could manage to hide our affair. And now he’s dead, and soon I shall follow.”

“No, please don’t say that,” Joohyun begged. “We’ll find a way to resolve this.”

“You can’t bring back the dead,” Jooyeon spat.

“I can’t, but I can do my best to protect the living. You and the baby still have hope. You still stand a chance and I don’t want you to lose—”

All of a sudden, the doors were kicked open violently. The two princesses expected the guards to come barging in, but the intruder was no guard. They had no trouble recognizing that familiar face — the personal attendant of their mother, the Queen. The senior attendant, a woman in her late forties, looked so formidable that even as a servant, she managed to strike some fear in the two young royals. Behind her was half a dozen lower-ranking maids, and while none of them were armed, their mere presence was enough to make the two sisters feel intimidated.

“Your Highnesses,” said the attendant, uttering polite words but it was evident that there was no respect in her tone and attitude. On second thought, it was not just a lack of respect but in fact sentiments as strong as disgust and contempt, especially toward Jooyeon, the Crown Princess who had fallen from grace. She felt no need to switch to a more deferential attitude as she knew that she only needed to answer to the Queen, so if the two princesses had a problem with her then they could take it to their mother the Queen whose authority trumped theirs anyway.

“What are you doing here?” Joohyun asked sharply.

“I am here on behalf of the Queen,” she explained wickedly. “Her Majesty is aware that the Crown Princess must be feeling uncomfortable under confinement. To alleviate this discomfort, I have been ordered to deliver this bowl of papaya soup to you.”

Although she was speaking to Jooyeon directly, the princess did not dare look the attendant in the eye. She did not say anything in reply, and in fact displayed no response at all, as if she did not hear a single word the attendant spoke. As such. Joohyun had to take matters into her own hands.

“Then put it on the table and leave,” Joohyun commanded. “The Crown Princess and I do not wish to be disturbed, so get out.”

“We will gladly obey your commands, Princess Joohyun,” she sneered. “But not right now. Please understand that we must carry out the Queen’s orders first. And that includes seeing to it that Princess Jooyeon drinks the whole bowl of soup.”

“I don’t want it,” Jooyeon stated timidly.

“If Your Highness is feeling weak, the Queen has instructed me, as well as these maids,” the attendant added menacingly, gesturing at the maids standing behind her, “to feed it to you.”

“No.” Jooyeon shifted in her seat, turning away from the maids. “Go away. Leave us.”

It was clear that these maids no longer saw her as a powerful figure ever since her indiscretions and scandal had brought so much shame and dishonor to her family and her country. Swiftly, they approached her, cornering her, and the maids easily outnumbered the royals.

Joohyun could not stand it anymore. Slamming her palm onto the table, she glowered at the senior attendant fiercely. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Just doing my job as an obedient servant to the Queen,” the attendant answered nonchalantly. Rolling up her sleeves, she reached for the bowl of soup. She ignored Jooyeon’s screams and pleas while her subordinates did the same, holding the disgraced princess down by her wrists and ankles.

“Stop this! Immediately!” Joohyun bellowed. As if she were not feeling powerless enough already, the remaining maids grabbed her as well and had her subdued in a similar fashion. She could only look on helplessly as the senior attendant force-fed Jooyeon, making a mess as the pregnant princess’ continued attempts at resisting had caused the soup to spill everywhere. Her clothes were stained and so was the tiled floor. As a result of trying to scream yet also having to swallow at the same time, she kept choking and it was so painful. Above that she felt an even stronger urge to vomit, but her mother’s attendant placed a palm over her mouth and prevented her from retching. She was determined to complete her mission at all costs and only let go when it looked as if Jooyeon could no longer do anything to get the soup out of her system.

Princesses were supposed to look graceful and elegant at all times. Jooyeon, however, was the opposite as she coughed and hiccuped while quivering in pain.

“Let me go!” Joohyun continued to exclaim furiously and hysterically. “I said let me go! I’ll have you all beaten to death for this!”

“Your Highness, a lady should never raise her voice,” said the attendant mockingly. “Now that I have done as I was told, I will see myself out of the Crown Princess’ residence right away. The Queen has also ordered me to deliver a message to you, Princess Joohyun. I was going to pay a visit to your residence as well but since we are all here already, I shall convey the Queen’s message to you now: Her Majesty commands you to remain in your residence for the rest of today. You are expected to meet with your new household staff since new arrangements have taken effect.”

* * *

Joohyun huffed as her handmaidens helped her put on a more formal outfit. She was still seething from what her mother’s attendant and the other maids had done to Jooyeon, and now she was deported back to her own residence while Jooyeon continued to suffer alone.

Joohyun shivered again as the traumatic images of the struggle just now kept replaying in her head. She was just trying to keep her sister and the baby safe, but of all people it was their _mother_ who made sure that the baby was aborted. Why? Just why? How could any mother in the world inflict this horror upon her own daughter? It was so cruel, so inhumane, so disturbing that Joohyun lost her temper and snapped at one of her handmaidens.

“Are you quite done with the ribbons yet?!”

The handmaiden was terrified, quickly apologizing. On the outside it might seem as if Joohyun was impatient to be introduced to and greeted by her new batch of servants. But deep down, she really did not care about the new arrangements at her household and had no interest in meeting the new staff. They were servants all the same, so why should she be concerned? As a royal, her maids and servants would get dismissed at irregular intervals and new ones would come along. It was irritating at times, but she was used to it by now. This policy was enforced for good reason: many palace servants and maids were spies and agents. Should they remain in the princess’ household for too lengthy a period, they would be able to continuously supply critical information about Her Highness to whoever they secretly worked for. This would put her in danger, and so countermeasures must be implemented for the sake of her safety. As such, if she had to be introduced to the newcomers every single time, she would certainly be very busy. And yet this was the Queen’s order and as the Princess, Joohyun was in no position to defy the command of someone whose power was second only to the King’s.

Of course, Joohyun did wonder why her mother the Queen specifically required her to be present for the introduction of the new staff this time in particular. Perhaps there was something special about these newcomers, or maybe it was just because of what happened to her sister. It was indeed one of Jooyeon’s maids who discovered her affair with her guard and then exposed it, so it was possible that existing protective measures were not enough. Either way, Joohyun tried to contain all her anger and frustrations for now, urging herself to look stoic and neutral. But even her expressionless face made her seem cold and frightening — she was not called the ‘ice princess’ for no reason.

As soon as she stepped outside, she was formally greeted by dozens of servants, lining up in a very organized configuration and bowing at her deferentially. They were all clad in uniform that matched their ranks, which was not surprising. But what made Joohyun stare for an extra moment was that all of these servants were female. Not just the maids but even the guards. Her heart sank, knowing that this arrangement must have been made in light of her sister’s big mistake of sleeping with her guard and getting pregnant as a result. No doubt her mother wanted to prevent her from following in her sister’s footsteps. Being surrounded by female guards would supposedly eliminate the possibility of a forbidden affair and pregnancy.

Joohyun acknowledged their salutations and allowed them to stand upright. She took steps down the stairs, her curiosity pulling her toward the female guards like a magnet. She was not even aware that the palace allowed women to join and train to be guards. But she had no complaints about that.

The commander of the royal guards in the palace was Master Kang, a middle-aged man who was still very fit and spirited. It was his job to train and coach all the guards here, no matter their gender.

“Your Highness,” said Master Kang who stepped forward once he noticed just how fascinated the princess looked. It was simply intriguing to see women taking up posts that had for the longest time been held by men. “Shall I make introductions?”

Joohyun nodded, and Master Kang began. “I have assigned my daughter, Seulgi, to be Your Highness’ personal guard. This means she will also be in charge of the staffing and deployment of all the guards in Your Highness’ household, to accompany and protect Your Highness by whatever means necessary. This applies to special occasions including but not limited to excursions outside the palace as well.”

On cue, Seulgi stepped forward too and bowed her head. Joohyun took a moment to eye Seulgi from head to toe, staring at the guard for an extended moment. It was not just because it was so refreshing to see a woman in this post, but also because Joohyun genuinely enjoyed looking at such a comely face. Her monolids, her cheeks, the shape of her lips, and the way her hair shone under the blazing sun.

Finally turning her gaze away from the unexpectedly attractive guard, Joohyun faced Master Kang once again, keeping her facial expressions unreadable.

“Are you sure you’re not appointing her as my personal guard out of nepotism?” She asked.

“Your Highness, please be assured that all these guards here have undergone rounds and rounds of intensive training under my supervision. Seulgi is indeed the one who has consistently ranked the highest across each round of evaluation. The details of the assessments and each guard’s scores have been overseen, monitored, and recorded not just by myself but also by two other military generals. There was no room for favoritism. I can promise you that she most definitely earned this place by her own effort and competence,” Master Kang explained patiently.

“I see,” Joohyun replied. “But your daughter is so pretty,” she added as if Seulgi was not standing right there. “Why would you want to send her here to be a guard when she could easily charm any wealthy nobleman and live a luxurious life among aristocrats?”

Awkward glances were exchanged between father and daughter. Seulgi blushed, while her father sought to find the right words to provide the princess with a satisfactory explanation.

“Or perhaps you can speak for yourself,” Joohyun went on, turning back to face Seulgi without waiting for Master Kang’s response. “Why would you want to be my guard?”

Seulgi cleared her throat and answered, “it is the best way I can serve the country, given my abilities.”

Joohyun smiled. Not a wide grin, but a smile nonetheless. And she did _not_ expect that she would find herself smiling, at least not today, definitely not today since so much shit had happened already. But here she was, smiling at her new guard’s answer.

“Very well,” Joohyun replied. “I hope all of you here will be just as willing to serve.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” they chorused.

* * *

Sadly, any mirth that Joohyun had experienced from her brief encounter with Seulgi had subsided rather quickly. She spent the rest of the day in worry and anguish, desperately trying to come up with a way to rescue her sister and yet nothing would come to mind. Every time she thought she had devised a feasible plan, there would always be loopholes or dire consequences.

Was there really no way to save her sister? Joohyun sighed and massaged her temples. It was going to be midnight soon, and she was lying in bed already, but slumber was the last thing on her mind. How could she allow herself the luxury of _sleeping_ when her sister was suffering all by herself?

Joohyun’s brain eventually gave in to the need for sleep, against her wishes. But she stayed in slumber for only an hour or so, before the commotion outside made her bolt upright and snap to attention.

“What’s going on?” She asked one of the handmaidens who rushed to her side to help her up. She pressed her fingers to her neck — her throat was so dry. Thankfully, another handmaiden passed a cup of warm water to her.

“It’s the Crown Princess,” the handmaiden answered reluctantly, on the verge of tears. “We caught word from some of the eunuchs outside.”

“What? What did they say?” Joohyun’s eyes widened in fright. “What happened to her? Is she alright?”

The handmaiden fell to her knees and shook her head apologetically. “We heard that Her Highness passed away.”

The cup that was in Joohyun’s hand fell to the floor, shattering into pieces just like her heart did. Her whole body froze, stiller than a corpse. She was speechless for a few moments, until all her thoughts and emotions assaulted her all at once.

“How is that possible?!” She demanded sharply. “No, that can’t be true. The eunuchs must have made it up. That can’t possibly be true, no, no…I must go to her. I must go see her now.”

By the time she got there, the guards merely bowed at her and no longer sought to block her way like they did previously. She barged right in, hoping against hope that she would see her sister alive and well. But that was not at all the case. The sight that struck her, and struck hard, was her sister’s dead body, in a pool of her own blood.

“Your Highness,” said the physician who got here not long before Joohyun did. “Please accept my deepest condolences.”

Joohyun’s lips were trembling, as was her voice, as she tried to speak, but even speaking had become an incredibly arduous task. “Why aren’t you doing anything?” She questioned, wanting to berate the physician but not quite able to garner enough strength to do that. “Shouldn’t you be saving her life? Isn’t that your job?”

“Forgive me, Your Highness. The Crown Princess had already stopped breathing by the time I was summoned here. There was nothing more I could have done for Her Highness,” the physician explained solemnly. “Perhaps if I was notified sooner…”

Joohyun took a few heavy breaths, her eyes darting everywhere. “Notified you sooner…” she said under her breath as she attempted to collect her thoughts. “Who notified you?”

“The guards,” the physician answered. “They reported hearing the Crown Princess’ screams. I believe they did not know at first that she was bleeding excessively, but what I was told was that her screams had been going on for so long that they could no longer stand it. By the time I got here…”

“And the baby?” Joohyun pressed on, chewing on her lips in a feeble attempt to seek solace.

“Her Highness must’ve accidentally ingested some foods that caused her to miscarry,” he replied. There was hesitation in his tone, not because he was unsure about the cause of her ‘miscarriage’ — it was obviously an abortion — but because he felt the need to be very careful with his choice of words. One slip and he could be accused of accusing the Queen of heinous crimes, and he might end up losing his head just like what happened to the father of Princess Jooyeon’s baby.

Joohyun almost fainted at that, and had to rely on her handmaidens to help her to a chair as her legs failed her. The more she chewed over the physician’s words, the angrier she became. If the forced abortion was what caused her sister to bleed and die, then her mother — and the attendant who executed it — would be to blame. It would not just be an accident, a misfortune, or a tragedy. It was murder. It was homicide. It was a death sentence. At that thought, Joohyun slammed her fist onto the table and rose to her feet abruptly. It was as if she could feel her blood boiling, every fiber in her body urging her to do _something_ , anything, even though she had no idea what she could possibly do, or what was even in her power to do. Her hands were shaking, her arms and thighs too. It felt as if her body did not even belong to her, like everything was out of her control.

“Does my mother know?” She hissed bitterly. “Does she know that my sister is dead?”

“Messengers have been dispatched to notify the rest of the royal family, Your Highness,” the physician reported. “I wish I could have done more for the Crown Princess. Again, please accept my condolences.”

Joohyun stood up again, fuming as she marched out of her sister’s residence. Her handmaidens trailed right behind her, all the way till they arrived at the King’s chambers. When she saw from afar that the rooms were lit, Joohyun was about to go in right away. But then the King’s attending eunuch stepped outside to receive her, and piped up before she could.

“Your Majesty!” The eunuch kowtowed before Joohyun so dramatically that it made her wonder if this was all part of an awful, painful nightmare.

“What did you just call me?!” Joohyun frowned. This was improper — surely this eunuch, having been the King’s closest attendant for so many years, would know better?

“Your Majesty,” the eunuch repeated himself. He sounded so serious that there was no way he could possibly be jesting. “The King collapsed just now once His Majesty heard the news of the Crown Princess’ passing. I summoned a physician of course, but His Majesty…” he paused and gulped hard. “His Majesty was pronounced dead.”

Joohyun shook her head frantically. “There’s no way this is really happening! This can’t be real! Tell me this isn’t real!” She exclaimed. Medically it all made sense; her father the King had been suffering from cardiovascular diseases for a number of years already due to an unhealthy lifestyle and diet. But emotionally, Joohyun was overloaded. Not to mention she was running on way too little sleep.

“By law, you are next in line to the throne as the sovereign’s eldest surviving child,” the eunuch explained. “This is real, Your Majesty. All of it is real. You are our sovereign now. Long live the Queen!”

Hearing the eunuch’s words sent shivers down Joohyun’s spine. How could she possibly become the ruler of a nation? Never in her life had she ever thought that she would get this close to the throne, let alone sit on it.

Everything that happened afterward was a blur to Joohyun. It felt so unreal because she did not want it to be real, and yet it was all too real and she could not bear it. How she wished this was just a bad dream. Losing not one but two family members within a matter of hours was not something she could _ever_ be prepared for.

By the time she returned to her own residence, she was more disoriented than ever. Her facial expressions remained blank even as her guard, Seulgi, came up to her.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Your High— ahem, Your Majesty,” said Seulgi solemnly.

There was nothing Joohyun could say in response. No doubt these words would be repeated to her again and again in the days to come. She did not want to hear it.

Noting the awkward silence and just how done Joohyun looked, Seulgi cleared her throat. “Well, I’ll be here all night...I mean, pretty much all the time anyway. It’s my job. So, if Your Majesty needs me for anything...or I can just have one of your handmaidens attend you…”

“No, it’s fine,” said Joohyun without emotion. She never had the opportunity to find a confidante in any of her handmaidens since they would come and go so frequently yet so irregularly. It would be foolish to expect that she could rely on her maids to bring her any comfort. “I’ll be fine on my own. Like I’ve always been.”

“But you don't always have to be on your own,” Seulgi blurted, and then quickly realized she should not have done that. “I apologize, Your Majesty. I shouldn't have contradicted you; I just wanted to—”

“Don't worry about it,” Joohyun replied, even though she did wish someone could be saying those exact words to her. “I know you're just trying to make me feel better.”

She then went into her bedchamber alone, void of all energy and will to live. She felt so tired, so exhausted, and yet ironically sleep would not come to her. The thing her body needed the most refused to come to her. Instead, her body reacted much more intensely and vehemently — she broke into tears. It was not just one or two drops of tears but, rather, full-on sobbing and bawling.

Seulgi remained stationed right outside Joohyun’s bedchamber and could hear the Princess — ah, no, the new Queen’s sobs quite clearly. Joohyun cried through the night, mourning not one but two family member’s deaths. Seulgi felt for her, wanting to soothe her, but she was not in the position to do so, which made her feel helpless. But then again, who in the world would feel more helpless than Joohyun herself? The supreme ruler of a country, wielding unquestioned authority, yet feeling so broken and so weak...the irony was poignant and laughable.

Seulgi was aware, as was pretty much everybody in the palace, that for the longest time Joohyun had the reputation of being a princess who was made of ice. She hardly ever cried, hardly ever smiled, basically hardly ever showed any emotion. But as Seulgi listened to Joohyun’s series of sobs and cries that went on for hours and hours, she saw for herself that Joohyun was not like that. She was not made of ice, nor was her heart made of stone. She was human, too, and everybody had misunderstood her. In fact, Seulgi wondered if Joohyun actually had anyone who truly understood her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever RV fic, my first ever seulrene fic, and my first ever girl x girl fic. I could really use some encouragement. ^^


	2. Husband & Wife

Pursuant to the King’s and the Crown Princess’ deaths, the nation was plunged into a state of mourning and gloom. The new Queen Joohyun spent the first fortnight in utter agony. She then spent the second fortnight in a daze. Most of the time she was not sure what she was doing. Even when she was doing very simple things like eating and bathing, it still felt as if her soul was not present in her body.

The handmaidens and other servants around Joohyun continued to come and go. Compared to all these foreign faces that Joohyun would not look twice at, her personal guard Seulgi seemed to be the one and only constant in her life.

Joohyun was aware of the fact that she was now the most powerful person in the realm. But she was not yet fully conscious of just how extensive her influence and authority could be. She herself was surprised that she had hardly issued any edicts so far — except on one matter that she refused to let go of: her sister’s murder.

Joohyun had not spoken to her mother ever since Jooyeon’s death. Not even a single word. Not even the slightest acknowledgement of her presence whenever they were in the same room. Although most of the time Joohyun was numb and her mind was blank, one of the strongest feelings that she could identify and label was a need for revenge. If she could not inflict pain upon her sister’s murderers in equal measure, how could justice possibly be served?

Yet her killer was not just anyone. It was her own mother, the Queen Mother that everyone in this nation still bowed to and looked up to. Joohyun knew that if she were to openly display any act of cruelty toward her own mother, it would damage her reputation. As a sovereign who had newly ascended to the throne, especially since she was among the late King’s youngest children and therefore someone that people did not expect to see on the throne, she sure did not need anything that could possibly tarnish her image in the people’s eyes. Everybody had their eyes on her, the whole country counting on her to be the leader they needed. This was her chance to either earn the people’s support or incur their disaffection. There was simply no room for missteps.

The Queen Mother’s senior attendant, however, was not a figure that the public would pay attention to. In their eyes she was just another servant whose name they had never heard of, whose life they would not care about. Taking advantage of this, she had very soon become Joohyun’s punching bag. She was incarcerated in a cell and received a penalty that Joohyun thought was very befitting for her crime: every day, servants would force-feed a bowl of papaya soup to her.

Perhaps the only thing that prevented Joohyun from falling into a spiral of hatred and vengeance was state affairs that demanded her attention. Originally, while her sister was still alive, a betrothal was set up between Jooyeon and the Crown Prince of China. Jooyeon’s scandal would surely have offended the Chinese, but luckily a few years ago Korea sent military supplies to China when there was a civil war, so the alliance between the two countries was not entirely broken. However, this pointed to an even stronger need to solidify the alliance — and now Joohyun was the one who was expected to marry the Crown Prince of China as soon as possible.

“He’s here, Your Majesty,” one of Joohyun’s handmaidens announced. Joohyun had long stopped trying to remember the names of her handmaidens — what would be the point when they were probably going to be dismissed the next day, or at most by the end of the week? But this handmaiden in particular seemed to be rather energetic and happy-go-lucky, as she quickly added in a whisper, “and he’s quite handsome too.”

The Queen raised her eyebrows. Not once had she ever felt the need to care about the Crown Prince’s appearance. Because she was determined to not get married anyway.

Joohyun made her way to the parlor where her betrothed was waiting. Indeed there he was, dressed very formally as was expected of the occasion. As they exchanged greetings, Joohyun understood why her handmaiden would think highly of the Crown Prince’s looks. His soft features were pleasant to look at, but it was not as if he looked lovely enough for Joohyun to want to gaze at him for an additional moment. The last time — possibly the _only_ time — anyone was able to have that effect on her was when she met Seulgi for the very first time.

“You must be Prince Lu Han,” said Joohyun coolly. “Welcome. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“I’m very honored to finally be able to visit Korea,” Lu Han replied. He was fluent in Korean, which was not that surprising. As the heir to an empire, he was no doubt given a very extensive education on foreign languages. Joohyun, on the other hand, received a different kind of education as she was never expected to be the heiress to her father’s throne.

“I hope Your Highness has had sufficient rest after such a long journey. How do you like your quarters?” She asked.

“It’s very comfortable here. I’m very pleased,” he said. “I haven’t been here for long but I’ve already made a lot of interesting discoveries.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“Indeed. For instance, Your Majesty is even more beautiful than your late sister, from the portraits I’ve seen,” he commented with a smile.

Joohyun smiled too, but thinly, not so much out of genuine appreciation but more out of obligation since a compliment was offered to her. “Thank you. Although if I could swap my beauty for my sister and have her back alive and well, I would definitely do it.”

Lu Han stiffened, not at all expecting this standoffish, sardonic speech from a royal. He wondered if he ought to offer his condolences, but it seemed Joohyun had arrived at that thought before he did.

“You don’t have to say it,” she said, her tone gentler this time. She might not be much interested in him as a prospective spouse, but she was mindful that he was not just any guest at her court; he was the future Emperor of China after all. “I appreciate the sentiment, though.”

He smiled in an effort to diffuse the awkwardness. “Pardon me. Perhaps we ought to talk about something more delightful.”

“Such as?”

“Such as our betrothal?”

“Ah, yes. That,” she replied curtly. There was no emotion on her face, which made him unsure if she was uninterested, or displeased, or bored, or whatever. Either way, it was evident that she was not as fond of the idea of their marital union as he was.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me Your Majesty is not too pleased about our betrothal,” he said.

“Because I’m not,” she stated nonchalantly. “Please don’t take it personally, Your Highness. I simply don’t know you well enough to decide how much I like or dislike you.”

Lu Han chuckled. He understood that while her words seemed to convey something along the lines of ‘no offense’, he had a hunch she was quite sure he was not the kind of person to be easily offended — if he were, he would not have been able to survive at the Chinese court.

“I suppose we’ll get to know each other better as we spend more time together. Maybe then we can grow to like each other,” he suggested.

“Maybe.” Joohyun shrugged. “Or maybe not.”

“I personally prefer to be more optimistic,” he replied. “Especially when it comes to this matter — marriage is a lifelong commitment after all. While political stability and diplomatic bonds are no doubt important, I think I would be very obliged if we could at least get along with each other.”

“Yes, we can most certainly try to get along with each other,” she said. “As friends, at best.”

“Friends?”

She nodded. “You heard me correctly, Your Highness.”

“While I do think of myself as an optimist, I am not inclined to believe that _friendships_ can thrive and last in a place as dangerous as a palace.”

“But marital alliances are expected to thrive and last?” She arched an eyebrow at him, eager to see just how much of an intellectual he was.

“It’s like I said, Your Majesty. Marriages are lifelong commitments. They are meant to be taken seriously,” he insisted. “And as for alliances, I do my best to make them last.”

“I don’t disagree with you, Your Highness,” she replied calmly. “You see, it’s precisely because I treat marriage as a serious matter — that’s why I simply cannot agree to marry you. I’m afraid I feel no desire to be committed to a lifelong union with you.”

Lu Han paused, but did not falter. “Is it perhaps because there is someone else Your Majesty is already committed to?”

“Someone else? No, Your Highness. There is no one else. I am committed to myself and myself only,” she explained. “To my own wishes, to my own volition, to my own heart. I will not marry anyone unless my heart desires it.”

“I’m afraid, as members of the ruling family, it is not up to us to choose our spouses based on _love_ ,” he pointed out.

“That may be the case for you,” she said. “I, however, will resist this fate with all my might.”

“Well then, how do you propose to secure the alliance between our two nations?” He asked. “It is what I am here for, after all. And I am more than willing to hear Your Majesty’s thoughts on this matter.”

Joohyun smiled. Again there was very little mirth if any, although she did look less uneasy and more relaxed this time. “You are the Crown Prince of one of the most powerful empires in the world. You can always get yourself another bride.”

“Indeed, but that does not answer my question, Your Majesty,” he insisted. “I do have a duty to my country, as do you to yours.”

“I’m happy to make a marital alliance happen between our two countries, just not between the two of us,” she explained. “I’m aware that you and your younger sister, Princess Nongyu, are the only legitimate children born to the Emperor and Empress of China. Your remaining siblings — half-siblings, I mean to say — are all from the Emperor’s concubines.”

“That is correct.”

“In that case, no doubt Princess Nongyu is regarded as one of China’s most valuable political pawns.” Joohyun’s tone made it very clear that this was a statement, neither a conjecture nor a question.

Lu Han almost laughed at that. He was so fascinated. Joohyun was one of the very few people he had ever met who would be so straightforward.

“True,” he replied. “It might please Your Majesty to know that my sister has for a long time been interested in Korea and would have loved the chance to join me on this visit.”

“That’s wonderful. By all means, do send Her Highness here to my court. She can marry my younger brother Prince Jooyoung and we’ll have the marital alliance that we’re here to negotiate,” she announced blithely. “This would eliminate the need for you and I to be wed.”

Lu Han frowned ever so slightly. “As Your Majesty is aware, Nongyu’s status and legitimacy is quite different from my other sisters’. My father the Emperor has plans to betroth her to Emperors, or Kings, or Crown Princes from other nation states. I’m afraid His Majesty has never considered the youngest son of the late King of Korea.”

“You think of my brother as too inferior to be the husband of your empire’s most valuable princess.”

“Those were not my words, Majesty.”

“Your words,” she went on. “‘Crown Princes’, you say? There’s no reason why I can’t have my brother invested as Crown Prince.”

Lu Han cleared his throat. “I was not aware that the succession laws in Korea favored the monarch’s younger siblings over the monarch’s direct descendants.”

“No, you’re perfectly informed on our laws here. Since I currently have no legitimate heir, if I die today, tomorrow Jooyoung will be King,” she stated, once again speaking of death as if it were as mundane as the weather. “Still not tempting enough for you to barter away your sister to my country?”

“I cannot possibly count on the _chance_ that you will not marry someone else and beget a legitimate heir through that marriage,” he stated in an equally resolute manner. “My sister could become the Empress consort or Queen consort of any foreign nation right away, as soon as my father permits it. Why should I have her marry your brother and then wait till the day he inherits your throne, assuming that day does come?”

“Your Highness,” she began. “If the laws of your empire stated that your spouse would be entitled to ruling over not just your lands but also your life, that you would be required to submit to her in all matters, that not just your authority but also your rights, your needs, your wishes would always be secondary to hers...would you be happy with that? Would you still be willing to get married?”

For a moment both of them were silent. No words were needed because the silence was enough for Joohyun to recognize that Lu Han understood what she was getting at. If he would not be fine with having to be subservient to his spouse, why would he expect her to be alright with this? Above that, he understood that there was no way she would agree to marry him — her principles and convictions would not allow it. He would be wise to stop wasting time on any attempt to talk her into agreeing to this marriage when there were indeed other ways to secure and solidify their alliance.

“It’s like I said earlier,” she continued. “Please don’t take this personally. I would say the same thing to any man who proposes to me. That is, if I thought them as worthy of my time as Your Highness is.”

“I suppose…” Lu Han began as he smiled. “You and I can indeed get along with each other as friends.”

“Perfect,” she remarked. “I’m sure your sister will be overjoyed at the prospect of getting to visit my country.”

“I will write to her and to my father right away,” he said firmly. “However I must ask: every woman I’ve ever seen, from royals to peasants, grasp for financial security and acquire it via marriage to a man. So to achieve that all the same without having to rely on a husband, how does Your Majesty plan to make it work?”

“Well,” Joohyun smiled, this time mysteriously yet confidently, “that is what I will show and prove with all the years of my reign.”

* * *

Everyone in Joohyun’s court was ready for a royal wedding, even though their expectation was shifted from a union between their Queen and the Crown Prince of China to one between their young Prince and a Chinese Princess. Either way, it was a special occasion and so everybody occupied themselves with the preparations.

One of the most serious implications of this political marriage was, of course, the renewed alliance between the two nations. But that was not all. Since the betrothal between Joohyun and Lu Han had been called off, it meant that Joohyun was once again eligible to become someone else’s wife. And plenty of wolves had their eyes on this attractive prey.

However, these wolves were not the only ones whose hunger had become dangerously intense. Or at least, their hunger was not literal — there were hundreds, thousands of people suffering and starving every day thanks to a severe drought. This had become a matter that warranted discussion during Joohyun’s everyday council meetings with her advisors.

“I thought we had sent shipments to those famine-stricken regions already,” said Joohyun, frustrated and worried in equal parts. “It’s been almost a month. Why have the food supplies still not reached them?”

“Apparently the ships were attacked by pirates…” one of her advisors replied grimly. “They stole all our supplies. Only two of our men made it back after swimming for days and riding the tide, then reaching the shore where they were rescued by the fishermen there.”

She then glowered at him fiercely. “Why have you not reported this to me sooner?!”

“Forgive me, Majesty. I wasn’t able to find the right timing for it...with the negotiations about the marital alliance with China going on…”

“What a load of rubbish,” she snapped. “People are dying and you seriously thought it would be better to wait? Don’t you know that these negotiations can drag on for years and years? Shall we allow our people to continue to suffer and starve in the meantime? My goodness, common sense is not common at all.”

The hall fell silent. The advisors had begun to learn that this new sovereign’s temper was even worse than her father’s. She might be small in stature, but this new Queen was definitely not easy to deal with, and definitely not someone they would ever want to bully.

“There i-is...an a-alternative, M-Ma-Majesty,” that advisor spoke again, albeit spluttering and barely daring to look Joohyun in the eye. Instead he exchanged timid glances with the other advisors as they one by one managed to guess what option he was going to suggest. “Lord Seo Dowon may still have a substantial amount of food supplies as his lands are mostly in regions that are largely unaffected by the drought. He may be our last hope.”

The advisors started to exchange whispers with one another, discreetly agreeing that they might not have another choice apart from counting on Lord Seo, even though they shuddered as they spoke of him. Seo Dowon was someone who wielded considerable power and was a controversial figure in politics, but the most intriguing yet most intimidating thing about him was how mysterious he was. So little was known about him. It was such a perplexing phenomenon — it _looked_ as if he hardly had any allies and hated socializing, and yet the other nobles knew better than to offend, exploit, or pick on him. Truly amazing.

Even more bizarre and perturbing was something about Lord Seo that happened a number of years ago: he used to be a close friend, trusted confidant, and valued advisor to the late King, Joohyun’s father. But one day they stopped talking to each other altogether. No one knew what went on between them. And no one dared ask.

What happened to Lord Seo was so unusual and puzzling to all the courtiers who had been closely observing his interactions with the late King. Usually when people fell out of favor with the King, their reputation would be in tatters and they were not likely to be able to keep their titles and lands even if they were spared the harsher penalties of exile or execution. And yet Lord Seo was such an anomaly. If he had really offended the King, he would have been severely punished, and banishment would not have been out of the question. The norm was that the higher you rose, the harder you would fall. But here he was, titles, privileges, and his head intact. If he fell at all, he fell so very gently and comfortably that it was almost painless. These abnormalities made it practically impossible for outsiders to figure out what could possibly have caused him and the late King to have what seemed to be a fallout.

“In that case,” Joohyun replied sternly. “Summon Seo Dowon for an audience with me this afternoon.”

* * *

Later that day, Lord Seo stepped into the hall in a most dignified and calm manner. He bowed at the Queen as was expected of him. What he expected from the Queen, however, was not quite aligned with reality.

“Your Majesty, may I ask why we are conducting this conversation whilst standing?” He asked, unfazed and collected. “If it pleases Your Majesty to have me stand, I shall willingly obey. However, I believe Your Majesty would feel much more comfortable sitting.”

Joohyun smirked. “Indeed, it’s not comfortable at all to have to stand, is it? Although I suppose discomforts and sacrifices are necessary. Those of us in the palace with ample resources shall suffer discomforts by standing a little while, whereas those in famine must face much worse discomforts on a daily basis. Wouldn’t you agree, Lord Seo?”

“I agree wholeheartedly, Your Majesty.”

“Do you?”

“I do, of course. Your Majesty might be pleased to hear that I am willing to donate my food supplies to those in need.”

“How very kind and altruistic of you, my lord,” she commented coldly.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” he replied with a slight bow of his head, deliberately doing so precisely because he knew she was being sarcastic. He also knew she was irritated by his schemes — more precisely, she was irritated that he was scheming and even more irritated that she did not have a clear idea of what exactly he was up to — and he was having fun with this. He enjoyed getting on her nerves yet still leaving her no choice but to play his game and ask him for the food. Or else what kind of a ruler would she be?

“The country could definitely use more people like you. So very willing to serve,” she added with an eyebrow raised at him.

“I wouldn’t hesitate to do it. I would be happy to send the food supplies — but on one condition.”

Joohyun would have really laughed if the situation were not so serious. Instead she just let out a mocking chuckle. “You believe yourself to be in a position to bargain with _me_?”

“I simply believe that the Queen will not hesitate to reward those who make contributions to the country,” he explained slyly. “And I have utmost confidence that Your Majesty will not prove me wrong.”

“Very well,” she replied brusquely. “State your terms.”

He cleared his throat and smirked, a devious glint in his eye. “I would like to ask for your royal guard Seulgi, the beautiful and charming daughter of Master Kang, to be my wife.”


	3. Queensguard

For the first time, Joohyun passed a new law using her queenly authority.

Once Master Kang heard about the new law, he more or less freaked out and had to rush to see his daughter right away. This new law could heavily affect her whole future and there was a very important decision that she had to make. He really wanted to be able to counsel and support her in making the best choice.

Because he was beside himself with worry, he spoke very quickly. As he tried and struggled to explain the whole situation, he jumped back and forth between the details of the law. This left Seulgi flummoxed, but the general idea she got was that the Queen seemed to have established an organization called the Queensguard. It was an elite circle of the greatest, most skilled guards. All of them, no matter their gender, would be in sworn service to the Queen for the rest of their lives.

“You mean to tell me that members of the Queensguard will take an oath where they vow to never get married and never have children, because they belong to the country completely?” Seulgi asked after her father seemed to have calmed down a little.

“Yes, that seems to be the case,” he answered. “Members of the Queensguard will be handpicked from the existing pool of guards in the Queen’s household. As the Captain, no doubt you will be among the likeliest candidates.”

“Well…” she paused, taking a moment to digest all of this information. “What if we wish to get married and have our own families instead? Must we choose between this job post and our personal lives?”

“From what I’ve heard, you can only have one or the other. At this stage, it is still up to you. If the Queen were adamant that you stay, you would not have been given a choice at all.”

She nodded. It made sense to her now, even though her father still looked slightly baffled.

“My daughter, you don’t look surprised at all. How can you not be concerned?” He pressed on. “This is your whole life, your whole future…”

“I understand,” she replied, and proceeded to tell him about what she overheard about the conversation between the Queen and Lord Seo Dowon yesterday. “So, I’m going to leave the Queen’s household and go to Lord Seo’s instead.”

Her father was speechless for a moment. “Are you sure?” He asked, looking more worried than he already was. “Are you absolutely certain? We don’t know anything about this Lord Seo...what if he’s not a good man? What if he mistreats you? I can’t possibly let my daughter marry someone like that...”

“Father, if he tries anything, I’ll probably be able to beat him up,” she said calmly. “I know many courtiers fear him. But he should fear _me_.”

“Seulgi, how can you still be jesting!”

“I’m not. I don’t make jokes about these matters — if I agree to become Lord Seo’s wife, he will send food to the starving people. They won’t have to suffer and this will solve a pressing problem for the Queen,” she explained. “It will be a personal sacrifice on my part, but is it better for me to turn him down and allow people to continue to suffer under the famine and the drought?”

Master Kang sighed. “I just worry that you will be unhappy as his wife.”

“Please tell me, what’s the protocol for those who wish to resign and be excluded from the Queensguard?”

“I...I didn’t look closely into that,” he admitted. “I didn't have the time to. I came to you right away. Besides, I didn’t think you would actually consider leaving.”

Their conversation was interrupted by knocks on the door. It was a eunuch who came in to make an announcement.

“Captain Kang,” he said to Seulgi specifically, after bowing at father and daughter. “The Queen has sent me to deliver a message to you. Should you choose to resign from your post in Her Majesty’s household, you are required to formally greet the Queen and bid her farewell. The ceremony will be conducted in the afternoon. Should you choose to remain in Her Majesty’s service, your presence is still required at the assembly this afternoon.”

Seulgi exchanged serious glances with her father before turning back to the eunuch. “I understand. Thank you.”

* * *

During the assembly, half the guards opted to leave. As was required of them, they bowed to the Queen and bid Her Majesty farewell one by one. Joohyun thanked each of them for their service and made it clear that it was not a shameful thing, just a matter of personal choice that she would not judge.

Master Kang looked on as the queue got shorter and shorter. Until finally it was his daughter’s turn, which made him hold his breath nervously. Seulgi was about to bow and say her lines, but then Joohyun was looking at her so intensely that she forgot what she was supposed to do and say.

“Your Majesty.” It was all that she could bring herself to say as she held Joohyun’s unrelenting gaze.

“Seulgi,” said Joohyun. Unlike the ice cold facial expressions that she usually wore, this time there was a certain kind of warmth in her eyes, and Seulgi picked up on that. When the Queen spoke her name, she got chills. Ironically not the _cold_ kind of chills. _Warm_ chills, if that made sense at all. And that was not the only thing that surprised her — it was probably the first time the Queen addressed her as _Seulgi_ and not something more formal, like _Captain Kang_. She had never felt such a strong connection before, and to have this kind of connection with someone as untouchable as the Queen gave her a feeling that she had yet to make sense of.

“Come with me,” the Queen added, bringing Seulgi’s attention back from her deep and complex thoughts to the present moment.

Joohyun turned on her heel and went inside her chambers, Seulgi following obediently. Master Kang and the other servants in the courtyard stared in confusion for a bit, but as soon as the doors were shut they went back to going about their daily duties.

Seulgi found herself alone in the room with the Queen. She remained silent and waited for the Queen to speak first.

“Looks like you will not be getting married after all,” Joohyun began.

“I — well, I choose to leave my post, so I was under the impression that I would have the liberty to get married and have children should I choose to…” Seulgi almost spluttered. In all honesty, there was never really a point at which she fully understood what the new law entailed and what exactly her options were. And now, in a one-on-one conversation with the Queen, she was even more nervous and more bewildered than ever.

Joohyun laughed gently, and not at all mockingly. It even seemed as if she was eager to offer reassurance since Seulgi looked so apprehensive.

“No, I mean, you won’t be getting married to Seo Dowon,” she clarified. “He has changed his mind and has withdrawn his request.”

Seulgi blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“I can understand your disbelief. But it’s true. He is no longer asking for your hand in marriage. So if you were actually hoping to wed him, this must be such a disappointment to you.”

“Not at all, Your Majesty,” said Seulgi quickly. “Please be assured that I am not the least bit disappointed.”

“Hmm. However, I am a bit disappointed in you.”

Seulgi was relieved for a moment when she heard that she no longer had to marry Lord Seo, but now to hear the Queen say this was making her uneasy again. Perhaps this was related to why her father kept asking her to reconsider her decision to resign?

“M-may I know what I d-did wrong?” She asked bashfully.

“Don’t you know why I decided to pass this new law and set up the Queensguard?” Joohyun asked.

“I...I’m sure Your Majesty must’ve had your reasons…?” Seulgi gulped. “I didn’t think it was up to me to question it.”

“Surely you would’ve wondered what my motives were.”

“I would be very obliged if Your Majesty would be so kind as to enlighten me on this….”

“To tell you the truth, I set this up not because I really needed it to exist, in a bureaucratic sense or even in a practical sense. The Queensguard isn’t really _that_ different from ordinary guards — just a fancy title I made up off the top of my head. I can even use my authority as the Queen to disband the organization and release members from their vows anytime, if that’s what I desire,” she explained. “I just wanted you to take me up on this offer so that you wouldn’t have to take the risk of getting married to Lord Seo. But the outcome I tried to avoid was the very path you chose to pursue.”

Seulgi looked down in shame once she noticed that Joohyun had one eyebrow slightly arched. “I apologize for making Your Majesty worry about me. I've let you down and I'm sorry.”

“Yes, you should really be sorry, shouldn’t you,” Joohyun replied. For once, her tone was nowhere near as serious as it normally would be.

“If I may be so bold as to ask —”

“You may,” said Joohyun without hesitation.

“Why did Your Majesty go this far with the new law and the establishment of the Queensguard and whatnot, when it would be much easier to swap me for the food supplies from Lord Seo?”

Joohyun chuckled. “Didn’t I _just_ tell you he doesn’t want to marry you anymore?”

“Yes, but initially that was the request that he made.”

Seeing as Seulgi really wanted to know, Joohyun decided to satisfy her curiosity a little. “Why should I let him have his way? He’s not going to take anything or anyone from my side. Besides, who will be my personal guard if you are gone?”

Seulgi licked her lips. “Well, there are...other guards...highly trained and skilled, too…”

“No, no. Your father insisted that you were the most competent of all, so you shall remain in this post unless I decree otherwise,” Joohyun stated.

Seulgi really did not know how to feel about that. She understood that her position was one that was held in high regard, but for some reason she felt that the Queen valued her _personally_. Why would she, though?

“Yes, Majesty,” she replied anyway. “But surely, Lord Seo will not do it for free. If he gave up on trying to marry me, no doubt he would ask for something else. Or someone else.”

“Of course. But compared to a beautiful wife, there's something he will be more interested in,” Joohyun announced. “His own survival.”

* * *

As soon as the Queen had settled matters with Seulgi and the other guards, she paid a visit to her younger brother’s residence.

“You’ve here to have tea with me, aren’t you!” Prince Jooyoung gushed, excited to welcome his elder sister. They were only two years apart in age, but because he was so cheerful and energetic whereas she was so solemn and aloof, it felt as if the age gap was wider than that.

As the two of them sat down to eat and drink, Jooyoung piped up.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” he began, but was interrupted by the Queen.

“You shouldn’t speak with your mouth full,” she scolded. “It does not befit your image and station as a Prince, let alone the future Crown Prince.”

He sighed. “Do I really, absolutely _have_ to be the Crown Prince?”

“You are the only option that I have.”

“Are you absolutely sure that you’re not going to get married and have children?” He asked. “You’re still young. Even if you don’t want to make a political marriage, perhaps one day you’ll meet someone that you’ll fall in love with and you’ll want to marry them and start a family with them.”

“I have my own principles and convictions, little brother. And I will stand by them no matter the cost.”

“I know how stubborn you can be. But I still gotta say that I really feel that the responsibility of being the Crown Prince is not meant for me...I mean I’m not cut out to be someone so important…” he protested.

She sighed too. “I hate to put you in a difficult situation but I’m afraid this isn’t negotiable.”

He pouted. “Right, because you are the Queen now and I have to do whatever you say.”

“Actually, yes, that’s exactly right.”

He let out a groan. “Never mind. Let’s talk about something else. I have something to ask you!”

“Yes, go ahead, I’m listening.”

“Why didn’t you just execute Lord Seo?” He asked. “He's nothing but trouble.”

“Why would I need to do that?”

“Well, isn’t it much simpler that way? If he does, all of his possessions will become state property, since he has no heir anyway. So you can just take his food and distribute it to those who are in need.”

“That’s true, but how shall I justify his execution?” She questioned.

“Didn’t you previously tell me you’ve gathered evidence that he had been secretly hoarding weapons in his manor?” Jooyoung frowned. “That’s against the law and the standard penalty is death.”

“And I did use that to my advantage,” she revealed. “Why do you think he agreed to withdraw his request regarding my guard?”

“You threatened him?”

“Not exactly. I had an agreement with him: he will send food while I will spare his life,” she explained. “And that’s not even all.”

“Tell me! I want to know!”

Joohyun giggled at the tone her brother used. “You’re such a child, you know that?”

“Ya! Why are you teasing me!”

“Fine, fine, I’ll tell you,” she relented. “I’ll have his weapons confiscated, but to the public I will announce that he willingly purchased these weapons for the government. It was a donation that I very much welcome and appreciate.”

“What?! Why does everything have to be so convoluted…” he complained.

“And so, to reward him for his loyalty,” she went on. “I will arrange for another pretty noblewoman to marry him.”

“Who?”

“Well, that isn’t so relevant now, is it? His life is in my hands and he is at my mercy. He’ll pretty much marry anyone I tell him to.”

“Alright, I see,” he replied and nodded. “But what I suggested still stands. If you expose his crime and have him executed, you could gain access to his food supplies all the same.”

Joohyun smirked. “True. But for now, I need him alive for some other purpose.”


	4. Secrecy

Another month had come and gone. Joohyun had been preparing and grooming Jooyoung to become the ideal Crown Prince, yet would not officially confer the title upon him just yet. After all, she did not want there to be a target on his back.

Precisely because he had not properly become the Crown Prince, Joohyun was surprised to be notified that Princess Nongyu was already travelling from China to Korea, to be betrothed to and courted by Prince Jooyoung. Joohyun had all along been under the impression that the Chinese Emperor would not think of Jooyoung as a worthy husband for Nongyu, but here she was. There must have been some underlying reason, and Joohyun was going to figure it out in due course.

After such a long journey, Nongyu was allowed a few days’ rest before formally getting introduced to the royal family of Korea, her future in-laws. Her quarters were spacious and although the decorations were not particularly extravagant, she found them to be very beautiful. She also appreciated the colorful garden, and the vibrant atmosphere it created. It was both relaxing and refreshing which was exactly what she needed as she settled down in a foreign environment.

Seeing as the weather was fine, she paced the perimeters of the gardens, enjoying the peace and quiet. Her only company was her own thoughts, mostly about how her betrothed was going to take to her.

It seemed her betrothed, Prince Jooyoung, also could not get her out of his mind either. He would not shut up about her, and since his sister was too busy with her queenly duties to listen to his disorganized rants, he turned to his cousin Jongin for a confidant. Conveniently, as Jongin was the Queen Mother’s nephew, he was granted frequent access to the palace.

“You haven’t even seen her in person, and you’re already so infatuated with her. Does that even make sense?” Jongin asked casually as he and Jooyoung sat down to eat snacks together.

“I simply cannot _wait_ to meet her!” Jooyoung gushed. There was food in his hand but because he was so busy talking he hardly even ate.

“Who said you had to wait?” Jongin laughed, shoving yet another piece into his mouth.

“Uh, customs?”

“Nah. Why should we care about that? Let’s just go and see her today,” Jongin suggested.

“How’s that possible?”

“My dear cousin,” Jongin replied impishly, and winked. “She’s already in the palace and she has her own residence; how difficult can it be?”

* * *

Creeping, creeping, creeping.

The two boys kept signaling for each other to keep quiet as they crept to Princess Nongyu’s residence. It was awkward to have to walk while hunching their backs and keeping their knees bent, but otherwise they would get exposed too easily given how tall they were. They were not supposed to meet the Princess in advance as they were supposed to wait for a more formal ceremony. They had to be careful as they sought to satisfy their curiosity — more saliently, Jooyoung’s curiosity — in secret.

Once they reached the wall and found a tree with leaves that could at least partially cover their faces, slowly they stood upright. They found a young lady alone in the garden. It was not difficult to deduce that she must be the Princess. She was dressed in the finest silks and fabrics. Surely no servant would be able to afford that. Even from the way she stood and walked, the way she carefully took every step with elegance, and her prim posture, all of it were sure signs of a royal upbringing. After all, princesses were supposed to carry themselves with dignity and grace at all times.

“Wow!” Jooyoung gasped, completely forgetting that he was not supposed to draw attention. “She’s gorgeous!”

“Hush!” Jongin winced and smacked the Prince on the arm. “You’re too loud! If we get caught it’s gonna be because of you! Keep your voice down!”

“No, _you_ keep your voice down! Are you hearing yourself right now?!” Jooyoung shot back.

“You’re an idiot. I cannot believe Cousin Joohyun is going to pass the throne to you.” Jongin shook his head and sighed. “This country has no hope anymore.”

Jooyoung was about to retort, but was interrupted by a female voice.

“Excuse me. Who are you?” Nongyu piped up, eyeing at the two boys in confusion.

Caught in the act, they exchanged worried glances. Jooyoung’s head was empty and Jongin had no thoughts. Both of them panicked, but in the end it was Jongin who spoke first.

“I am Prince Jooyoung!” Jongin declared, then pointed at Jooyoung. “This is my cousin, Lord Jongin.”

Jooyoung’s jaw dropped. He had no idea what his cousin was up to, or if this was going to harm him or benefit him in the long run. But he could not think of anything to say, so Nongyu took his lack of response as agreement.

“Your Highness. Your Lordship.” Nongyu greeted them politely. Her soft voice and gentleness had Jooyoung completely enchanted as he was now speechless not so much because of the shock but more out of fascination.

“I know we’re supposed to wait for the ceremony to be formally introduced to each other,” Jongin continued, sounding much calmer than the person he was pretending to be. “But I couldn’t wait. I wanted to see you right away. And now that I’ve seen you with my own eyes…” he grinned. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Nongyu looked down demurely, blushing a little as she smiled. She was accustomed to receiving compliments, both sincere and insincere ones alike. However Jongin sounded earnest enough for her to genuinely be happy upon hearing it.

Jooyoung cleared his throat, deciding that he would be at a severe disadvantage if he did not seize the chance to say a single word. “I agree!” He blurted. “Your Highness is prettier than all the flowers in the garden!”

Nongyu giggled. “You flatter me, my lord. Although...”

“Yes?” Both boys asked at the same time, looking at her intently and hanging on to her every word.

“I...I wonder if we’d have to pretend to not have seen each other, on the day of the ceremony.”

“Ah, yes, indeed, we’d have to,” Jongin answered, sounding very serious as if he had already thought about this. “But I’m sure we will be able to do it, and my sister the Queen will not suspect anything.”

Jooyoung merely frowned at Jongin. It must be so fun for Jongin to assume a royal’s identity.

Nongyu nodded in agreement. “I really look forward to meeting Her Majesty. Oh, and the Queen Mother as well, of course.”

“I wish we wouldn’t have to wait. How wonderful it would be, if I could see you every day,” Jongin replied affectionately. “I long for you, Princess. I long for the day we wed.”

Jooyoung grimaced at that, and had to clear his throat _again_. “Your Highness,” he said with emphasis, looking at Jongin sternly. “We had better go. It would not look good if other people were to catch us.”

“I will see you again in a few days’ time, Princess,” said Jongin reluctantly before taking a step back only after Jooyoung nudged him repeatedly. “Until then, I will spend every moment thinking of you and dreaming of you.”

Nongyu bowed at them gracefully as they made their way back to the real Prince’s residence. After this encounter, Nongyu went back inside and sat down in front of her guzheng. This plucked zither reminded her of home. She missed her family, especially her elder brother. She was not sure when she might get to see her family members again, if ever. Some of her aunts and cousins were married off to royals and aristocrats from faraway places, and she really had never seen them again.

“Princess.”

Nongyu looked up and acknowledged the man who bowed at her. It was her personal guard, Yixing.

“Just now, that was the Prince, wasn’t it? Your betrothed?” Yixing asked.

Nongyu nodded shyly.

“He seems very fond of you. That will work in our favor,” Yixing replied. “In more ways than one.”

“Let’s be patient.”

“Yes, Your Highness. And don’t worry, I will keep your secret,” said Yixing in reassurance.

Seeing as she had nothing more to say, he bowed and exited the room, leaving her to the privacy of playing music on her own.

* * *

When the day came for Nongyu to formally be introduced to her future in-laws, unfortunately the real Prince was down with a nasty stomachache. As his servants were unable to talk him out of trying to make it to the ceremony, the Queen personally paid him a visit.

“I have to go and meet her!” Jooyoung insisted even though he was clutching his tummy, clearly in pain. “I must!”

“No, you must lie down and rest,” Joohyun declared sternly. “I understand you are desperate to see what she is like in person, but really, it can wait.”

“I’ve waited long enough!” He protested. “If I don’t go and meet her today, what will she think of me? I’m going to lose her! Is that what you want?!” He was so frustrated, worried that Jongin might really steal his girl if he were not able to secure her affections. Yet he could not let his sister know about what happened…

“That’s ridiculous. She’s not going to vanish into thin air,” Joohyun stated. “Besides, I’m going to invite her to the archery contest. You’ll be able to see her very soon, I’m sure.”

“But the contest is the day after tomorrow!” Jooyoung whined. “You really expect me to wait? You would be so cruel to me? To your own brother?”

“Yes, I do,” said Joohyun flatly. “Now, behave yourself. You’re not a child anymore.”

“You’re right! I’m not! But _you_ always treat me like a child,” he grumbled loudly, and then groaned in pain again. The Queen could only sigh at that.

“I have to go and get ready for the ceremony now,” she replied, and then turned to her brother’s attendants. “See to it that His Highness stays hydrated and takes his medicine on time. Have the physician check on him twice a day.”

Jooyoung grunted in defeat. There was nothing he could do except lie down and stare at the ceiling in despair.

Luckily, he had fully recovered by the day of the archery contest. The only thing on his mind was to find a chance to talk to Nongyu and to woo her, but for Joohyun, this contest carried an entirely different purpose.

As soon as all the attendees and participants were seated, the Queen herself showed up. Her handmaidens trailed right behind her and she was also accompanied by none other than her personal guard, Captain Kang Seulgi.

As expected, everyone rose to greet her. Before allowing them to be seated, she explained the purpose and rules of the contest.

“It has come to my attention that a lot of you believe that it would be in the nation’s best interests for me to be courted by a worthy man among you, since I have rejected marriage proposals from members of other countries’ ruling families,” she stated dryly as her stare swept across the noblemen who were eyeing her with greed and ambition. No doubts their intentions were predatory but if they took her for a prey then they would be setting up a trap for themselves.

“And so today, I will make use of this archery contest to address your concerns. I will see to it that this matter will be settled once and for all,” she went on. “Every one of you here has a fair chance. So make good use of it, and prove yourself to me. Whoever can beat me at archery today, with a top score, gets to court me.”

Once she paused, those vying to be her consort began to discuss and whisper among themselves. They expected to be competing against each other, but never against the Queen herself. This actually struck fear in some of them, but there was no way they were going to chicken out at this moment. They were going to shoot their shot — literally and figuratively — and hope for the best.

Their reactions made Joohyun smirk. She knew that each of them had too strong a sense of pride and that their masculinity was too fragile. It would completely destroy a man’s ego if his _wife_ — his _property_ — was even better with a bow and arrow than he was. This contest was going to be _so_ interesting.

Over the next hour, more than a hundred arrows were shot. A team of eunuchs carefully recorded and regularly reported each contestant’s score. Some of them did pretty poorly, but others pretty well, close to perfect, even. Everyone’s eyes were on them, particularly on two of the noblemen who were in the lead. Interestingly, their scores were tied, and just one point away from a perfect score. This was when a halftime break was announced.

During the break, refreshments were served. When Joohyun was taking her time with a plate of her favorite biscuits and a pot of rose tea, she also reminded her attendants to get some water as well.

“Especially you, Captain,” Joohyun added, turning to look at Seulgi in particular. “It must be tough to be standing for so long. It’s important to stay hydrated.”

Seulgi was surprised that the Queen would care so much about her servants. Grinning, she said, “Your Majesty is so kind.”

“Is it your place to be commenting on the Queen’s decisions?” Joohyun questioned.

Seulgi suddenly realized she had stepped out of line. “I apologize…” she replied solemnly, but then Joohyun broke into a smile to denote that she was not being serious. And so Seulgi smiled too and then excused herself. She could really use some air anyway.

Outside, Seulgi stretched her arms and legs. She took a stroll around the arena, and as she did so she heard a couple of contestants having a conversation about the Queen that was less than appropriate. One of them was quite tall, whereas the other was just about Seulgi’s own height and had a belly. The taller one was one of the two contestants who were tied at the top score at the moment.

“It seems you’ve got a good chance at winning the contest,” said the shorter one. “Sure, you’re tied with someone else, but hey, at least you’re in the lead. You’re just one point away from a perfect score, what are the chances Her Majesty will be able to beat you?”

The taller one chuckled haughtily. “True. A woman, good at archery...that’s unheard of.”

“Exactly. You know, I do wonder what she’s actually good at, though. Because she’s definitely not good at ruling a country.”

Both of them laughed and the taller of them replied, “we all know she’s just a pretty thing; she acts like she’s capable of governing a nation, but come on! How can we possibly rely on any woman to do it?”

“Ha! She has no facial expressions either. Do you reckon she’d also be like that when she’s…” his voice trailed off but his gesticulations were enough to insinuate a sexual act. Both of them were clearly amused by this as they burst into unabashed laughter once more.

Seulgi found herself curling her hands into tight fists. How dare they? How dare they talk about Joohyun like that? She was angry enough to report them for treason, but while marching back to the Queen’s tent she halted in her tracks, reminded that she had no evidence of the conversation that she had overheard.

She huffed, still not releasing her fists. There was no way she was going to just let this slide. Either way, she was going to prove these men wrong and teach them a lesson. _Anything that a man can do_ , she thought to herself, _women can do better_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! What is Seulgi going to do? Ooh, and how will the results of the contest turn out?


	5. Bullseye

After the break, the contest resumed. The second half of the contest was rather uneventful as no one was able to beat the top scorers, even though a few came rather close. Towards the end, everyone was expecting the Queen to announce some way to resolve this and decide on one winner and one winner only. But before that, everybody held their breaths and looked on even more intently and tensely as Joohyun herself rose from her seat. She stepped onto the field and stood at the spot where every contestant stood when they had their turn. Swiftly, she picked up the bow and arrow, and got into position. She was singularly focused on the target, the same way everybody was singularly focused on how she would do. It would never look good for a monarch to lose, but for her to _not_ lose, she would have to attain a perfect score. Could she really do it? She only had five arrows, just as many as each contestant had, no more and no less.

_One_.

Everybody gasped once the first arrow flew out from the bow in Joohyun’s hands, and onto the target.

_Two_.

Another round of gasps, this time more dramatic.

_Three_.

The gasps had turned into high-pitched squeals, jaw dropping and eyes popping wide.

_Four_.

Someone somewhere must have let out a scream, but the arena was otherwise eerily quiet.

_Five_.

It was done. She hit the bullseye _every single time_.

Calmly, she put the bow back onto the bench. There was no victorious smirk on her face, nor triumphant cheers from the spectators. They were simply too astonished to react, or even to realize that their mouths were hanging wide open.

The first to react was the eunuch who was supposed to announce the scores. He was trembling in amazement when he read out her perfect score, loud and clear for everyone to hear.

“If there is really a ‘weaker sex’,” Joohyun stated dispassionately, her stare once again sweeping across all the spectators and contestants. “It is certainly not women.”

“Your Majesty is officially the winner of this contest!” The eunuch exclaimed reverently. “Congratulations, Your Majesty!”

Everyone else followed suit, uttering the same congratulatory phrase but some less willingly than others. Only when they were finished did Joohyun speak again.

“Since I am in a generous mood today,” she said, smiling ever so slightly. “Would anyone like to try one more time? You could still stand a chance at making your dreams come true and become the King of this country. If I were you, I’d seize this opportunity.”

Joohyun was patient enough to give them a prolonged moment, but no one rose to the occasion. As such, she was about to call it a day, but just as she was about to open her mouth, somebody piped up.

“May I?”

Initially, Joohyun was unsure which direction she ought to look in. She was expecting someone from the contestants to volunteer, but then it was a female voice that stood out and so whoever stepped up must have been in the spectator stand.

People began to make way for the special volunteer to make her way to where the bow and arrows were placed. Joohyun was no less astounded as everybody else, to see that it was Seulgi who wanted to try. Joohyun was so impressed, and agreed immediately. It would be even more amusing if another woman could outdo the contestants who were all men.

Having been through so much training, Seulgi was familiar with a range of weapons, and so she was completely in her element while she did exactly the same thing as Joohyun did just now. She felt confident even though hardly anybody else did — how could they expect her to outdo the Queen when Her Majesty’s arrows remained firmly on the bullseye?

But just like Joohyun, Seulgi had a tendency to prove men wrong, or in fact anyone who dared look down on her. Five shots later, everyone was gobsmacked to see each of her arrows slice through each of Joohyun’s, landing on the bullseye without fail.

This time, the eunuchs’ role became redundant. Joohyun was the only one who could react.

“Congratulations, Captain Kang,” she said, giving Seulgi a proud smile in approval. “However, you are not the winner,” she added puckishly. “Our scores are just tied. You didn’t accumulate more points than I did,” she explained, and then turned to speak to everybody. “At the start of the contest I made it clear that I will only be courted by whoever can _beat_ me. But none of you could.”

She turned back to look at Seulgi again. Of course, the Captain was not expecting the same kind of prize as the Queen’s suitors were. In Seulgi’s eyes, getting to see the look on those men’s faces was already satisfying enough. They looked so condescending and arrogant just now, but she and the Queen had definitely put them in their place.

Joohyun, however, was much happier to reward Seulgi. “For such an impressive score, you may ask to receive any prize,” she offered. “Say it, and it’s yours.”

Seulgi gulped. Part of her wondered if she should never have participated, because now she had to make a very difficult decision. And of course it was at this critical moment that her mind went blank.

“A favor from Your Majesty,” she answered, eventually. Since she could not come up with anything at the moment, why not reserve this privilege for when she was truly in need of it? “A favor that I can redeem later on, at any time I choose.”

Joohyun was intrigued. Many of her courtiers have approached her to ask for all sorts of benefits, mostly promotions, lands, and other material rewards. But of course Seulgi would be different. She had always been different, and Joohyun had always appreciated that. And so she smiled and replied, “done.”

* * *

After the contest, Joohyun sat down to rest, and refreshments were served. She invited Princess Nongyu to sit with her as well, hoping to help the Princess adjust to this new life.

As the two girls chatted, their respective guards, Seulgi and Yixing, stood at the back and started to strike up a conversation too.

“I think I recognize you from last time when Crown Prince Lu Han visited our court,” said Seulgi. “Weren’t you His Highness’ valet?”

“Ah, you have an excellent memory, Captain Kang! Yes, indeed, I was,” Yixing answered. “But His Highness thought it would be a good idea for me to accompany Princess Nongyu all the way here to Korea. So I am Her Highness’ personal guard just as you are Queen Joohyun’s.”

“I see! That’s interesting.”

“Not as interesting as your performance just now! I’m amazed and humbled by your archery skills,” said Yixing. “And of course the Queen’s. If only I could get you to teach me.”

“I’m very flattered, but I can’t possibly be qualified to be your coach,” Seulgi replied humbly. “I am too young and I’m sure you would be better off learning from someone much more experienced.”

“Nonsense! You beat all the men on the field just now. Who else could be more qualified? It would be my honor to learn from you.”

“And mine to learn from you. Perhaps if you could also teach me some other skill, preferably something that comes from your country?” She asked.

“I would love to. There are different styles of combat that I can show you if you’re interested,” he offered.

“I’m very interested! Learning martial arts is probably one of the best things to ever happen to me.”

Getting to talk about something that she was passionate about had brought a grin onto her face, which was what Joohyun saw once she turned around. Joohyun thought about Seulgi’s words just now. What favor was she going to ask for? And when was she going to redeem it?

Other than asking herself these questions, she thought about what a relief it was that she managed to get a perfect score just now, so that she would not have to be courted by any man. Granted, she was pretty confident already, otherwise she would not have dared organize this contest. Once a monarch made a promise, there was no turning back.

She felt empowered by her freedom in getting to choose who to marry, who _not_ to marry, and whether or not she wanted to get married at all. But she knew that this liberty came at a cost — her brother would not get to make this choice for himself as she had arranged a marriage for him. Of course she wanted the best for him, but whenever she said so to herself, she felt like a hypocrite. His best interests were only secondary to hers and the liberty she wanted. It was a selfish decision — it was either _her_ freedom, or _his_. And she chose what was best for _herself_.

Biting back a sigh, she turned to Nongyu once again. Perhaps to douse her remorse, she said to her future sister-in-law, “if you’re not tired, it would be a good idea to spend more time with Jooyoung. If you two could get to know each other and get along well, I would be very pleased.”

Nongyu nodded obediently. “I desire nothing more than to please Your Majesty and His Highness.” She then rose to her feet and bowed at the Queen, then signalled for Yixing and her handmaidens to follow her as they took their leave.

* * *

“You feeling better today?” Lord Jongin asked, barely able to keep the mischievous smirk off his face as he nudged his cousin Prince Jooyoung. They played around with some of the bows and arrows after the arena had been cleared out, and only a few eunuchs remained to attend the two chaotic boys.

“Of course!” Jooyoung huffed. “How can I _still_ afford to have a stomachache! Today is the perfect opportunity for me to talk to her...right after my sister does, of course.”

“Don’t forget, you’re supposed to be me and I’m supposed to be you.” Jongin winked, and Jooyoung rolled his eyes all the way back in exasperation.

“I have no idea why you decided to pull that kind of prank!”

“Honestly, I have no idea either.”

While Jongin merely shrugged it off and let out a guffaw, Jooyoung was stomping his feet. “Don’t flirt with my future wife, you punk! I won’t let you meet up with her again! She’s betrothed to _me_ , not to you! Never to you!”

“Sure, but as far as she knows, _I’m_ the one she’s going to marry,” Jongin replied blithely, ruffling his hair. “Besides, I’m so much more handsome,” he added smugly, pointing to his face. “If she has good taste she will definitely choose me over you.”

Jooyoung snorted. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Who in their right minds would?”

Jongin whirled and stuck his tongue out at the Prince, only for His Highness to point the bow in lordling’s direction. He was not actually holding an arrow, but just the bow itself and the gesture was enough for Jongin to let out a yelp and take a few steps back. He tripped over some pebbles and would have fallen to the ground if not for one of the eunuchs rushing to help him up. He was definitely not the one laughing now.

“Wow...I feel bad for Her Highness, having to marry a bully…” Jongin glowered at his cousin as he dusted himself off. He was expecting to hear some sort of a lame comeback but then Jooyoung just handed the weapons back to the attending eunuchs and then walked off.

The Prince no longer bothered with wasting time fooling around with his cousin — he would much rather be swooning over his betrothed, the lovely Princess Nongyu. At least she had good looks and manners, and Jongin had neither.

Unfortunately, even as he approached her, he had to be mindful of his identity. He was supposed to be _Lord Jongin_. Of course he had been thinking about telling her the truth. It was only a matter of time before someone realized what Jongin did last time.

_But how am I supposed to explain it to her? And what if I end up losing favor with her because of this prank?_ He asked himself, and then shuddered. He could not bear to think about it. Perhaps the best thing he could do at the moment was to impress her so that she would like him...and then worry about letting the truth come out later on.

Once he saw her, he went up to her with as much confidence as he could muster. But she saw him approaching as well, and met him halfway. Meanwhile, Yixing and her handmaidens remained an adequate distance from them, near enough to intercept and protect the Princess if necessary, but not enough to hear their dialogue.

“My lord,” said Nongyu, sounding mirthful without coming off as _too_ eager. “How nice it is to see you again.”

Jooyoung was nervous, but smiled nevertheless. “The feeling is mutual, Princess. Um...you must be looking for the Prince?”

“Yes! How did you know? You’re so smart!”

Jooyoung had to contain his elation as a broad grin stretched across his cheeks. “Well, it’s not like you would be looking for his cousin, right?” He blurted, but then quickly realized what he said and then his smile died down. “Wait, I don’t...I didn’t mean it like that...actually…” he gulped, while the confusion on her face grew.

“Is something the matter?”

“No, no, it’s just...uh…” he licked his lips. “His Highness is...unavailable at the moment. He’s busy with his studies and he’s sent me here to keep you entertained. He studies very hard! As you can see, once the archery contest was wrapped up, he excused himself and asked the Queen’s for permission to return to his studies. He’s very keen on reading! And learning!” He lied. “He always holds conferences with esteemed scholars, to exchange ideas and debate on theories. He’s a very intellectual man!”

“Ah, I see I am betrothed to a very studious Prince,” she commented. “His Highness must be such a role model for all the men in the country.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what he is!” He agreed hastily. “And if it pleases Your Highness, he will continue to study hard and learn from the best! I assure you, he would be willing to do _anything_ as long as it pleases you.”

“Me? But I thought it was _my_ duty as a wife to please my future husband...” she replied innocently.

“Well, it— it’s not about duty,” he scrambled to explain. “Duty is another thing. You must know, His Highness is so fond of you, he’d do anything for you!”

“Is he?” She asked softly, blushing as she looked down. He felt the urge to tenderly lift her chin so that he could keep looking at her beautiful face, but ultimately kept his hands to himself.

“He is. I spend so much time with him; I can definitely attest for his devotion. Please trust me,” he replied firmly.

“Nothing warms my heart more than knowing that His Highness has affections for me,” she said, with a grin. “I see Your Lordship is very close to His Highness. When you see him again, no doubt he will ask you about our conversation. May I ask what you will tell him?”

“Um, of course that you are equally devoted to him!”

She nodded. “I would appreciate that. And will you also tell him that I’m always thinking of him? And that I long to see him again, even though I mustn’t disturb him when he’s focused on his studies.”

“Uh...yes! Sure, I will! I will be sure to convey your message to him. I’m sure he will be overjoyed to hear that,” he said. In his head he was already thinking about how he was going to boast to Jongin about how their interactions went. No matter what jokes Jongin liked to make or how far he was going to go with his pranks and antics, at the end of the day Jooyoung was safe in the knowledge that his future wife was devoted to _him_ and not to anyone else.

* * *

As soon as Yixing and Nongyu left, Seulgi approached the Queen. “Majesty.”

“Come and sit a while with me,” said Joohyun, motioning for Seulgi to take the chair that was previously occupied by Nongyu. However, Seulgi hesitated.

“Majesty, technically my rank makes it unbefitting for me to be seated whilst conversing with you,” she said, sounding uncertain.

Joohyun’s facial expressions did not change, nor did her tone. “It is my wish that you take a seat and chat with me for a bit.”

And so her wish was Seulgi’s command. Seulgi did as she was told, and waited for Joohyun to speak first.

“Do you think she will be good for my brother?” Joohyun asked, looking as if she had a lot more concerns and considerations than she would allow herself to voice.

“Princess Nongyu? Of course. Her Highness is the eldest daughter of the Emperor and Empress of China, right? A woman of this station would certainly be befitting for Prince Jooyoung,” Seulgi answered.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Joohyun replied. “If you truly understand me, then be frank with me. If I simply wanted to hear people say words they don’t mean, or give me perfunctory answers, I have a crowd of ministers who will gladly do that for me every single day.”

Seulgi gazed at the Queen, mesmerized by her even though her worries and burdens prevented her from being conscious of Seulgi’s admiration. Seulgi saw that Joohyun longed for human connection, for someone to bond with her and support her emotionally. It was easy for people to think that she did not have any emotional needs, simply because she generally showed little of her emotions. They tended to associate her heavily with the regal authority that she held, and forgot that she was human too. But Seulgi had not forgotten. She was in the unique position to see Joohyun as a young lady who strived for respect and fought for her rights, rather than merely an untouchable ruler. People in the palace could look up to her, look down on her, lust for her, fear her, judge her, but none of them ever really _saw_ her, at least not for who she was.

Seulgi licked her lips. “How can a guard like me presume to ’truly understand’ the Queen?”

Joohyun smiled wryly. “I fail to understand why you would want to prove yourself on the archery field and yet put yourself down like that now that we’re having a private conversation.”

“I didn’t think I was trying to prove anything…” Seulgi decided not to say a word about what she heard earlier and the remarks that the two detestable men made. “But to answer Your Majesty’s question, I like to think that Princess Nongyu and Prince Jooyoung can grow to enjoy each other’s company. I’m sure Your Majesty wants His Highness to have a happy marriage.”

Joohyun nodded in agreement, but there was some chagrin in the way she looked into the distance. “I do indeed want that. Although that’s not as important as _my_ happiness, is it.”

“Your Majesty, these two situations are not comparable,” Seulgi pointed out. “If in the unfortunate circumstance that Prince Jooyoung is not happy with Princess Nongyu, it would still be possible — legally permissible — for His Highness to take a concubine, or two, or more. But it’s different with Your Majesty. A woman is only allowed to have one husband. So Your Majesty must choose _much_ more carefully, because the law already allows less liberty for women. The system inherently puts women at a disadvantage.”

Upon hearing Seulgi’s words, Joohyun’s fretfulness seemed to have diminished, although not completely expelled.

“You’re right,” she said. “So I shouldn’t feel bad about arranging a marriage for him whereas I get to choose for myself, because my options are already limited. But what about others?”

“Others, Majesty?”

She nodded again. “Like you. And the rest of the Queensguard. I set up the rule, the oath about never getting married and never having children.”

“But you still gave us a choice,” Seulgi insisted. “We could choose to stay and take our vows, or leave and be free.”

“And you chose to leave, only to go to a man who got to choose his bride.”

“It was only because he had leverage over Your Majesty, considering the drought and the famine that it brought,” she explained. “And in the end, he didn’t get that choice, did he? Your Majesty arranged for him to marry someone else. It isn’t fair to just consider the act alone, to be fixated on the act of taking away someone’s choice. What about the consequences? Maybe by depriving him of certain liberties, you’d be giving _other_ people, _more_ people a choice. So, perhaps the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.”

“So you reckon the ends can justify the means?” Joohyun asked.

“Yes. Or at least, that’s what helps me sleep at night.”

“Ah.” She sighed in relief. “For a moment I was really considering dismissing the Queensguard, releasing you and the others from your vows. It wasn’t fair. I sacrificed your freedom and theirs, to limit and regulate another’s. I’m a manipulator.”

“I still believe that overall what you did resulted in more good than evil,” Seulgi declared. “And evil is something that I see so much, honestly _way_ too much, in the men that Your Majesty beat at archery just now. I can’t imagine having to see Your Majesty enter a courtship with any of them, when none of them are deserving of you.”

Joohyun chuckled. “I don’t disagree, but what makes you say so?”

“Well, it's all in the way they look at you,” Seulgi answered.

“The way they look at me?”

“Yes. They look at you with such...greed. Avarice.” She shuddered and shook her head. “Like they want to devour you, consume you. The way a predator looks at its prey, and drools. Like hounds that have been starved for an entire week, and you’re a juicy piece of meat at their disposal. It’s dehumanizing,” she remarked. “They must be thinking about all the benefits they'll get to enjoy if they manage to become your consort.”

“Well, they can keep dreaming,” Joohyun muttered.

“I daresay even daring to fantasize about you is an insult to you,” Seulgi declared boldly. “Because then they would just see what they want to see. And then, if and when you ‘fail’ to live up to their expectations, or in whatever way don’t fit with the unrealistic ideal that they’ve constructed in their heads, they would start to blame you and criticize you. Perhaps they think they know you already, but they _never_ actually took the effort to get to know you, to try to understand you, to appreciate you for all that you are. Because they don’t see you as a person in your own right — just an object. So how could they possibly be worthy of you?”

She seemed quite worked up as she said all of that, while Joohyun laughed gently. “No one has ever defended me in this way before.”

“Really, that’s one of the few aspects in which there’s nothing I can do to protect Your Majesty even though it’s my job to _guard_ ,” Seulgi added, clearly disgruntled.

“This is so interesting, Captain Kang. I’ve never seen you speak so vehemently about any topic.” Joohyun was grinning before she knew it. “That’s a side to you that I didn’t know existed. Ah, maybe I should take the effort to get to know you better as well.”

Seulgi was flustered. “I...I beg your pardon, Majesty…?”

“And to try to understand you, and appreciate you for all that you are. Just like you said,” Joohyun replied enthusiastically. “Yes, I think I’ll do exactly that.”

“With _me_ , Your Majesty?”

“With you, and only with you.”

“But I…” she spluttered. “I don’t mean to cross you, but I’m...I’m not...special. _You_ are.”

“No? I think you’re quite special,” Joohyun insisted. “You just don’t realize it.”

“Well then…” Seulgi squeaked, displaying none of the firmness and fierceness she possessed when she was rebuking the Queen’s suitors just now. “Perhaps Your Majesty could enlighten me?”

“Oh, I will,” said Joohyun breezily. “All in due time, Captain.”


	6. Melancholy

In the days pursuant to the archery contest that disappointed a lot of men but pleased Joohyun and Seulgi greatly, Joohyun carried on with minding her own business, happily staying single. On the other hand, Jooyoung continued to spend time with Nongyu, and she continued to be under the impression that he was Jongin.

“My lord, if you don’t mind me asking,” Nongyu began, so soft and demure that it made Jooyoung want to shelter her from everything bad in this world. “Has Prince Jooyoung been asking about me? I haven’t had the chance to see him since...um...since we informally met in secret, prior to the ceremony.”

“Yes! Yes of course he has. He talks about you all the time. In fact he wouldn’t shut up about you.”

“But...he’s too busy for me, right?” She asked, somewhat sadly, and it drove Jooyoung insane.

“Well! He’s a very busy man, but he...I promise he will find time to come and see you! Just that he...well, you know he’s supposed to become the Crown Prince. So he has a lot of duties, and definitely a lot to learn from the Queen,” he explained apologetically, scratching the nape of his neck as he told one lie after another. Perhaps not exactly a lie per se, but he had had to lie to her from the start thanks to the lie that Jongin told in the first place.

She merely nodded. “I get it. He’s not just my future husband. He’s also going to be the future King of this country. Of course he must commit his time and efforts to preparing and equipping himself to become a competent leader.”

“Ah, I’m sure His Highness will be very pleased to hear that you are so understanding and patient,” he replied, breathing out in relief.

“Well, Your Lordship has also been very patient with me...answering all my questions about the Prince and letting me know about what he likes and what he doesn’t like...of course I don’t mean to impose on your time. I just want to be able to make His Highness happy in everything that I do. I hope he will understand my heart.”

“He will! He does!” He blurted, worried that he might upset her even the tiniest bit if he were not quick enough to offer the reassurance she sought. Luckily for him, she began to smile a little.

“If you’re sure of it, then I will not worry about it. After all, you are very close with His Highness and you know him very well,” she said. “Anyway,” she added, glancing up at the sky that was turning grey. “It looks as if it’s going to rain soon, so let’s go back inside. We can meet again on a finer day. I’m already looking forward to it.”

He nodded in agreement, even though he wished he did not have to part with her. He _knew_ that at the end of the day it was _him_ that she was going to marry, not Jongin or anyone else, but he was so captivated by her that no amount of time he could spend with her would ever be enough.

* * *

As Prince Jooyoung made his way back to his residence, he found that Lord Jongin was already there, walking around as if he owned the place. Jooyoung scowled as Jongin carried on playing with marbles and pebbles, surrounded by a few servants.

“Ya.” Jooyoung raised his voice at his cousin. “When I become King I will seriously think about how to penalize you for getting me into trouble.”

“Why, since when did you need _my_ help with getting into trouble?” Jongin laughed loudly, clearly carefree as ever.

“Do you know how frustrated I’ve been these days?! I don’t know how to tell Princess Nongyu the truth about our swapped identities.”

“Eh, I don’t care. It isn’t my problem,” Jongin drawled.

“Isn’t your problem?! Of course it is your problem! In fact, you’re the one who caused it!” Jooyoung grumbled, stomping his feet. “Not to mention our wedding date is drawing near!”

“Don’t overthink it,” said Jongin absentmindedly. “You worry too much at times.”

“How can I _not_ be worried?!”

“Oops, looks like it’s going to rain for real!” Jongin changed the topic suddenly as it began to drizzle. “I should go! See you later!”

As he scuttled out of his cousin’s residence, the Prince cursed under his breath and returned to his chamber, still troubled by all the lies he had told and the repercussions they would bring.

* * *

While it rained, Nongyu remained indoors, having lunch on her own as she chewed over her interactions with whom she presumed to be Lord Jongin but actually Prince Jooyoung in disguise.

Once she finished her meal, her guard Yixing entered the room and bowed.

“I see Your Highness has had a lovely morning,” he began.

“Yes, indeed, I have,” she replied, but somehow there was a rueful look upon her face.

“But there still seems to be something troubling you,” he pointed out. “It’s because of Lord Jongin, isn’t it?”

She cleared her throat. “He’s been nothing but kind to me and patient with me. I appreciate it so much. It’s hard for me to not be at least a little bit charmed by him. But I know what you’re here to say, so you don’t have to say it. I already know.”

He nodded. “I just hope that you still keep in mind what we came here to do, Princess.”

She smiled, still somewhat ruefully. “That’s not contradictory to my encounters with Lord Jongin.”

“No, but why shouldn’t we use that to our advantage?” He smirked. “You’ve mentioned that His Lordship seems quite...smitten with you.”

“And what do you propose I do about his...feelings?”

“I will not beat around the bush with you, Princess. What I mean to say is that if you can make His Lordship fall for you, then you can use him as a shield or weapon should you ever need it,” he stated.

“Why would I?” She asked gently. “I have _you_ to protect me.”

“Of course I would do anything to protect Your Highness,” he replied, but then sighed. “Just that it wouldn’t hurt to have an additional chess piece in this game. And we both know it’s a very dangerous game to play.”

“I understand.” She took a sip from her cup before continuing, “any news from home?”

“All is as it should be,” he answered, appearing to be cryptic but it was enough for her to get what he was implying.

“I just hope my brother stays safe,” she said. “You used to be in his service — until he sent you here to be my guard, to keep me safe. But what can _I_ do, to protect him?”

“Once you accomplish what you’ve come here to do, you will have all sorts of resources and means to offer protection to His Highness. So it would be best to just stay focused on that,” he suggested. “I’m sure His Highness would not want you to overworry.”

“I’m afraid it’s impossible for me to not worry. What he and Mother have been plotting…” she sighed. “Either way, it’s too late for me to change their minds. So now,” she added solemnly. “I must do what’s best for them.”

* * *

While everybody fled from the rain, Joohyun decided to go outside. She did not allow any of her handmaidens to accompany her. Just having Captain Kang nearby would suffice.

Rather than standing directly under the pouring rain, she simply outstretched her arm so that raindrops would fall on her open palm. She looked on sorrowfully as a puddle eventually formed on her palm and then it slipped away gradually. The more she tried to grasp at it and keep it within touch, the more it hastened its downfall. It made its escape between her fingers to meet its inevitable fate, falling to the ground to be joined with all the other raindrops that fell from the sky and hit hard. As if the raindrops that touched her hand never did at all. As if they never lived and died as part of her life.

Joohyun’s tears formed and fell the same way. Her grief was so contagious it was as if the skies saw her crying and also cried with her. The utter sadness in her eyes was heartbreaking to watch, especially to Seulgi who was the only one standing a few steps away. Seulgi was surprised by the sheer amount and intensity of raw emotions on the Queen’s face once the façade of indifference was washed away. Seulgi once again felt that Joohyun was just so, so, _so_ misunderstood. Who she really was inside was much more mesmerizing than the image of her that everyone blindly subscribed to or assumed. After all, it was all that they could access. There was some sort of poignant intimacy in the way Seulgi was the only one who got to witness the Queen in this state. More accurately, everyone saw her as the Queen but Seulgi _saw_ her as _Joohyun_ and that was what made all the difference.

Fascinated, Seulgi approached the Queen subtly. “Your Majesty seems captivated by the rain.”

“Just having a moment of nostalgia,” Joohyun replied softly. “Do you like rain, Captain?”

“No,” Seulgi answered, shaking her head. A bittersweet expression spread across her face even though Joohyun was still too absorbed by the pouring rain to look at Seulgi properly. “I hate it.”

“Because of the memories it brings?”

“Partly,” she said. “But on top of that, rain just gets in the way so much. Makes everything messy. And it’s very easy to catch a cold so I humbly suggest heading back inside,” she added, sounding firmer than before as if she was insistent on giving this advice not just to Joohyun but also to her younger self who had suffered a lot as well.

“I remember the last time someone said that to me,” Joohyun began. Seulgi’s heart sank when she saw that Joohyun did not seem to have any intention of leaving this spot. But since Joohyun seemed willing to open up, Seulgi was happy to listen attentively. “It was so long ago. At least a decade ago. It was when my sister and I frolicked together in the rain.”

Seulgi understood that Joohyun was still suffering, still mourning the loss of a sibling. It must have been so tough. “Your Majesty must’ve been so close with the late Crown Princess.”

“Oh, we were inseparable. We played together all the time. And when we did that in the rain, we ended up catching a cold together. So all the servants that attended us while we played received a harsh beating, as penalty issued by our mother, the Queen. According to her, it was their indiscretion, not ours, for letting us get soaked and eventually fall ill,” she explained. “But now, I am the monarch, and no one can lay a hand on my attendants. Even if I were to step outside and stand in the pouring rain for hours upon hours, no one can stop me.”

She looked as if she was really about to go all out and get soaked, which prompted Seulgi to hastily say, “I would beseech you not to.”

Joohyun eventually held back and stayed sheltered, but she could not hold back her tears. They continued to fall from her eyes the way raindrops fell from the sky.

“Your Majesty…” Seulgi mumbled hesitantly. “Are you alright?”

“No,” Joohyun answered flatly. “And I don’t think I ever will be.”

“Majesty…”

“I miss her,” she stated. “But I can’t bring her back, not even with the power I now hold as a sovereign,” she added sharply. “Power is an illusion. I still feel so helpless and there are still so many things I can’t do. I may have _authority_ because I’m the one who wears the crown, but I can see that the nobles don’t have much respect for me. Especially the most powerful ones.”

“Like Lord Seo, you mean?” Seulgi asked.

“Him, and someone else. His nemesis, actually. These two in particular wield far too much influence — the rest of my advisors and ministers would rather fold to _their_ wishes than to obey mine. And I won’t tolerate that,” she declared. “I’ve got to do something about it.”

“Who is it, Majesty?”

“My uncle, Lord Kwon Donggeun. He was married to my late aunt — the younger sister of my late father. During my father’s reign, Lord Kwon had a lot of say in the policymaking process. He may be a competent politician — I’ll give him that — but a lot of the power and influence he has right now is because of his marriage to a _princess_. He’s made a lot of allies over the years, and he did not seem to lose prominence even after my aunt passed away.”

“But no doubt he has a lot of enemies as well,” replied Seulgi.

“Naturally.” Joohyun nodded. “The thing about him is that if I can control him, then it would probably mean I can control half the officials in the government. But he is also seeking to control _me_ , or whoever is on the throne. Well, I will not be his puppet. Of course he claims that everything he does is for the nation’s sake, and that he’s on my side always. But the truth? He’s not on anybody’s side but his own. So if he will not be my loyal subject, then he must perish. He’s too big a threat to the crown, and it’s been this way even back then during my father’s reign.”

“Then Your Majesty must do whatever it takes,” Seulgi stated, beginning to sound just as determined. “If your mind’s made up, then so is mine. Even if no one else supports you, I will. I’m on your side.”

The rain had stopped and Joohyun was no longer crying. She finally turned to look Seulgi in the eye.

“I was right,” said Joohyun. “When I said that you’re special. But once again, you don’t realize it yourself.”

“Majesty, I’m just a servant…”

“You are not ‘just a servant’ to me,” she insisted. “You’ve never been.”

“I beg Your Majesty’s pardon. What do you mean?”

“You’re a constant. Certainty. And that means a lot to me,” she explained, even though it only seemed to make Seulgi more perplexed.

_How can I be associated with ‘certainty’_ , thought Seulgi to herself, _when that’s what I’ve had to live without for the most part of my life?_

All she could say in reply was, “I’m afraid I’m not intelligent enough to understand Your Majesty’s feelings on this matter…”

“You don’t have to,” replied Joohyun. “At least not right now. Right now, all you need to know is that I will not disappoint you. I will remove those who are bold enough to get in my way.”

Seulgi nodded. At least that much she understood.


	7. Bad Boy

After the melancholic rainy day, it was a whole week of sunshine. Also like a ray of sunshine was the energy that Prince Jooyoung radiated and the way he smiled whenever he was with his betrothed, Princess Nongyu. They were originally having a lovely chat as they took a walk around one of the fishponds in the palace. However, their conversation was interrupted by Lord Jongin who came running to them.

“Hey!” Jongin hollered, too elated to be minding his manners in front of the two royals. “Guess who just came back to court!”

He looked so excited that Jooyoung and Nongyu could not help but be curious. While Nongyu was still confused, Jooyoung let out a squeal once they saw the woman who came into sight, a few steps behind Jongin.

“Moonbyul-noona!” Jooyoung exclaimed, running up to her with childlike enthusiasm. “You’re back!”

“I’m back,” Moonbyul announced, grinning at the two boys. “It’s been so long. You two have grown so tall! How have you boys been?”

“Noona, did you hear? I’m getting married!” Jooyoung blurted. “Come and meet my fiancée! She’s a princess from China! Noona, you’ve visited China before, right?”

Whereas everybody else was smiling, Nongyu froze. “You…” she spluttered, glancing back and forth between Jooyoung and Jongin. No longer was she sure which one she was supposed to be engaged to.

“Oh, no…” Jongin uttered under his breath as he and his cousin exchanged panicked glances. “It’s over for us.”

* * *

“Kim Jongin!” Joohyun bellowed, the echoes of her voice bouncing off the walls of her study room. Lividly she glowered at her cousin who kept his head bowed. All he could do was gulp and quiver, knowing he was in deep trouble. Both he and Jooyoung were on their knees while Nongyu stood a few steps away from them, covering her face with a handkerchief as she shed tears. Moonbyul was also there — she was the one who brought them to the Queen after all.

“I’m sorry…” he squeaked timidly, not even daring to look the Queen in the eye. “I just thought it’d be fun to mess around…”

“You thought it’d be _fun_?!” She questioned, smacking her palm onto her desk as she rose to her feet abruptly. The sharp noise sent everyone in the room flinching. “Have you ever thought about how this would make Princess Nongyu feel? Do you think she would find it fun too, to be lied to this whole time? You may be my cousin, but don’t think I’ll let you get away with this. Do you want me to banish you from court so you’ll quit causing trouble?”

“Please don’t!” He pleaded. “I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, I swear!”

“You _swear_? And how am I supposed to trust you on this? You’ve proven yourself to be a liar,” she scolded. “You _will_ be penalized for this. Both of you.”

“What?!” Jooyoung protested. “It wasn’t even my idea!”

“You sure did play along with it instead of telling the truth. Besides, you still did go and meet Princess Nongyu before you were formally allowed to, and it was improper,” Joohyun insisted. “Rules exist for a reason but you two just didn’t care, huh? How much longer were you boys going to keep this up for? All the way until the wedding day? I can’t imagine the consequences if Moonbyul hadn’t reported this to me.”

Moonbyul cleared her throat. “Originally it wasn’t any of my business. But I just think it’s unfair to Princess Nongyu, so I decided that coming to Your Majesty would be the right thing to do. Actually, Her Highness didn’t even want to expose these two liars at first,” she explained, shooting an apologetic glance at Nongyu. The Princess seemed to have stopped crying now, but still looked very disappointed and very worried. Turning back to Joohyun, Moonbyul added, “I’m sure it’s just because Her Highness didn’t want to offend anyone or make a fuss about this. I suppose, as a newcomer _and_ a foreigner, it would be wise to think twice about making any complaints. But _I’m_ not afraid of anyone or anything, and I believe these boys need to be taught a lesson.”

Joohyun nodded in agreement and glared at the two boys. “You two will not go unpunished. Now, let me think. What kind of a penalty do you deserve?”

“Please, please, have mercy. I promise I won’t do it again!” The boys chorused, but their pleas were ignored.

“Your Majesty, I have an idea,” Moonbyul piped up, and went on only when Joohyun gave her permission. “I don’t believe in beating or whipping disobedient children. It’s much more meaningful to have them do something constructive instead. Make some contributions rather than sit around all day causing trouble. How about sending them to the armory and making them clean the weapons there?”

“That’s a good idea,” Joohyun replied. “Moonbyul, you were the one who took up that post when you worked as a servant there, right? I’ll have you bring these two troublemakers to the armory and see to it that they’re not slacking. Do it after lunch.”

“Yes, Majesty,” she said. The two boys looked up at her pleadingly, but she only arched an eyebrow at them in disapproval. They looked down again and sighed, resigned to accept that their favorite noona was not going to show them any mercy either.

“Jongin, you’re going to do that every day for a month,” Joohyun announced. “Jooyoung, half a month.”

“What?! A _month_?! A whole _month_?!” Jongin gasped and looked as if he was about to complain further. But he decided to shut his mouth when he saw just how displeased the Queen looked.

“Yes, I said what I said, and you most definitely heard me correctly. You will clean all the equipment as Moonbyul and Master Kang see fit. I hope this will teach you a firm lesson,” Joohyun stated sternly. “Now, if Princess Nongyu is satisfied with this penalty and is willing to forgive the two of you, we will end this discussion here.”

Nongyu nodded softly. “I’m sure they won’t do it again, Majesty.”

“I’ll make sure they behave themselves,” Moonbyul replied in reassurance.

“Alright,” said Joohyun. “I’ll give you boys an hour to have lunch. After that, I expect the two of you to be cleaning the weapons and reflecting upon your mistakes.”

Defeated, they got up and exited the room. Nongyu also bowed at the Queen and announced that she was going to return to her residence.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Joohyun asked. “If you ever need anything, or if the boys ever prank you again, don’t hesitate to come to me. I will put them in their place.”

“Your Majesty has already done enough for me, and I am very thankful for all of it. I’m sure you’re busy enough already, having to deal with state affairs.”

“It isn’t your fault, though,” Moonbyul chimed in. “Those boys have got to understand that this isn’t their playground.”

“Still, I should be the one apologizing for having inconvenienced the Queen,” Nongyu insisted.

“Don’t worry about it,” replied the Queen. “You should go and eat as well.”

Nongyu nodded and bowed once more before taking her leave. That left Moonbyul and Joohyun as the only ones in the room.

“You’re back,” Joohyun started once they made eye contact and broke into giggles. “After how long? 3 years?”

“Last time I was here, you were the youngest Princess in the palace,” Moonbyul replied. “But now you’re the Queen. How unexpected! I’m proud, though.”

“I never expected to be the one sitting on the throne. I’ve lost so many family members within such a short period of time…” Joohyun sighed. “So now I’m the one who wears the crown, but at what cost?”

“I’m sorry,” said Moonbyul solemnly. “For not being able to be there for you when you were mourning.”

“You were travelling the world and having fun. I’d much rather let you be happy than have to mourn with me,” Joohyun admitted melancholically. She also thought to herself that no one was going to be here for her _always_ anyways. But she did not say it aloud as she did not wish to make her friend feel awkward. “Come take a walk with me. I want to hear all about your adventures.”

“Well, yes, I did have a lot of fun.” Moonbyul grinned, letting the Queen lead the way as they made their way out of the study. “I got souvenirs for Your Majesty! I’ve prepared something for all of my friends.”

“Ah, your friends from when you were training under Master Kang’s tutelage?” Joohyun asked.

“That’s right. I’m always going to be thankful to Master Kang for letting me learn and practice along with the rest of his trainees. As you know, I was originally just a servant at the armory. I was supposed to clean the weapons and whatnot. I would’ve gotten into trouble for experimenting with those weapons without his permission — I got caught, but instead of dismissing me or penalizing me, he gave me the chance to stay and train. Sometimes I feel bad for quitting — but I really wanted to travel the world. It’s such a big world out there, and I’m nowhere near done with it. There’s so much more to learn, to experience, to see for myself.”

As Moonbyul explained with enthusiasm, the two ladies reached the door. Seulgi was standing right outside. Her face lit up once she saw Moonbyul, and vice versa.

“Hey!” Moonbyul gushed, smiling at Seulgi. “I haven’t even had the chance to catch up with you yet. I see you’ve risen to the rank of a royal guard while I was away!”

“Moonbyul, this is Captain Kang, my personal guard,” Joohyun explained. “Although I see you two are quite familiar with each other already?”

Moonbyul exchanged playful glances with Captain Kang. “Familiar?” She giggled. “We grew up together! We've played together, sparred together, gotten into trouble together, even bathed together. Slept in the same bed as well,” she added with a wink.

The Queen frowned slightly. She was not too surprised that Moonbyul and Seulgi would have crossed paths before. Moonbyul used to be trained by Master Kang so it made sense that she would be acquainted with his daughter. But Joohyun had no idea that they were _so_ close. She did wonder what kind of relationship they shared back then. Of course, even as playmates or best friends they could have, as Moonbyul specified, ‘slept in the same bed’ too, but what if it was more than that?

Joohyun’s frown vanished when she realized that Moonbyul was the one person who could help her get to know Seulgi better. Moonbyul was easily accessible, and surely she would know a lot about Seulgi’s likes and dislikes, preferences and pet peeves, patterns and habits, among a lot of other interesting things about her.

As such, the Queen smiled and said, “in that case, Captain Kang, I’ll let you have some time off this evening, so that you and Moonbyul can catch up.”

* * *

Despite the misunderstanding and turmoil that Jongin and Jooyoung had caused, at least Nongyu no longer had to worry about not being able to build rapport with her future husband. Very soon came the big day. It was time for the royal wedding.

Seulgi was also curious about what royal weddings were like. She never thought she would ever have the chance to attend one, but here she was. It was so grand and extravagant, so much gold and silver everywhere. She wondered if it was possible for her to ever _spend_ that much money, let alone _earn_ that amount.

Normally, all eyes would be on the newlyweds. Seulgi smiled at how beautiful the bride looked. The groom also looked dashing. But inevitably her gaze always drifted back to the Queen, who was breathtakingly gorgeous. Joohyun was genuinely happy for her brother, and Seulgi was not doubtful of that.

_But then_ , Seulgi wondered, _why does the Queen still look a bit sad? It’s the look in her eyes. Her eyes are so beautiful, which makes even the sorrow beautiful. But when she’s sad, I kind of feel sad too. I don’t know why. I have to figure this out. And more importantly, what’s bothering her?_

Luckily, she did not even have to find a way to voice out the questions that were on her mind. The Queen, with a bittersweet smile on her face, was the one who struck up a conversation first.

“Look at how happy they are,” she commented, eyeing the newlyweds with slight envy. “I’ll never get to experience a bride’s joy on her wedding day.”

Seulgi was a bit surprised to hear that. “Just because Your Majesty chooses to never get married doesn’t mean you’ll never get a taste of that kind of happiness.”

Then it was Joohyun’s turn to be surprised _and_ amused. “Then what do you suggest I do, if I want to experience that feeling too?”

“You see,” she began. “The reason why a bride is happy on her wedding day is because the person she is getting married to is someone who can make her happy. So, if Your Majesty has a person in your life who can make you happy, isn't it good enough? The wedding ceremony lasts a day, but a lifelong companion…”

Joohyun felt chills run down her spine. She never thought of it that way. In the end, she could only say, “it just seems so much easier to organize a wedding than to find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“While that may be true, I hope I still at least managed to offer a different perspective for Your Majesty to ponder upon.”

Joohyun nodded. “You did. I guess that means I should share my thoughts with you more often and invite you to do the same with me.”

“I never thought that what I have to say would ever be valued by someone as prominent as a monarch…” Seulgi mumbled. “I’ve never felt this important before.”

“Me neither,” Joohyun admitted. “Never thought I’d be the one ruling the country either. And I’m sure never in Jooyoung’s wildest dreams would he find himself as the heir to the throne, all but in name.” Her gaze landed upon her brother, and she sighed. “Look how carefree and full of life he is. That energy will no longer be with him once he takes my place. Everybody’s congratulating him and giving their blessings, but I feel I may have given him a curse.”

Instead of pitying the Queen, Seulgi smiled. “That’s because this is the happiest day of His Highness’ life, and Your Majesty is seeing him at his best. But the thing about life is that no one can be at their best every single day. It applies to everyone too — from sovereigns to peasants.”

Joohyun looked up at her and slowly started to smile as well. “Did your father teach you that?”

“My father taught me a lot of things, but this one I learned on my own,” Seulgi answered. “Sometimes I look back and think I was forced to grow up a lot quicker than other kids my age.”

“Now you’re making me curious about your past and what kind of things you’ve been through.”

There was a moment of hesitation from Seulgi before she said, “it’s a long story, Your Majesty.”

“Looks like it will have to wait for another time, then,” Joohyun concluded, rising from her seat. “Right now we have to proceed to the next segment of the ceremony.”

While the newlyweds remained seated, it was the guests who came forth one by one to present gifts to the couple. These presents came in all shapes and sizes, including curtains, vases, paintings, scented pouches, musical instruments, and so many more. The couple’s new residence was surely going to be decorated very elaborately.

One of the Queen’s attending eunuchs was supposed to announce the name of each guest to signal their turn to come forth with their presents. Seulgi did not think too much of it because she was unfamiliar with the names of these aristocrats either way. However, when the eunuch announced a certain nobleman’s name, she perked up her ears.

“Lord Kwon Donggeun,” said the eunuch, loud and clear for all to hear. “Please come forth to greet the couple with your blessings.”

The man in question did as he was told, bowing at the couple. Seulgi kept her eyes on him the whole time, recalling that this was the man that Joohyun wanted to eliminate.

_“My uncle, Lord Kwon Donggeun. He was married to my late aunt — the younger sister of my late father. During my father’s reign, Lord Kwon had a lot of say in the policymaking process. He may be a competent politician — I’ll give him that — but a lot of the power and influence he has right now is because of his marriage to a princess. He’s made a lot of allies over the years, and he did not seem to lose prominence even after my aunt passed away.”_

_“But no doubt he has a lot of enemies as well,” replied Seulgi._

_“Naturally.” Joohyun nodded. “The thing about him is that if I can control him, then it would probably mean I can control half the officials in the government. But he is also seeking to control me, or whoever is on the throne. Well, I will not be his puppet. Of course he claims that everything he does is for the nation’s sake, and that he’s on my side always. But the truth? He’s not on anybody’s side but his own. So if he will not be my loyal subject, then he must perish. He’s too big a threat to the crown, and it’s been this way even back then during my father’s reign.”_

“Your Highnesses,” Lord Kwon began. “Congratulations. I’m very happy to be part of this joyous occasion.”

“Thank you, uncle,” Jooyoung replied politely.

“Now that we have a Chinese princess in our family,” he continued, looking at Princess Nongyu. “It is my honor to be able to call Your Highness my niece.”

The couple became aware that his words left Nongyu with no choice but to acknowledge him as _family_ as well. Still, she remained calm and said, “I am equally pleased to be able to call you my uncle.”

Lord Kwon finally opened the box that he was holding in his hands, revealing a beautiful amethyst necklace inside. “This belonged to my late wife. She’s always wanted to give it to one of her nieces to wear. I’m sure if she were here with us today, she would be happy to present this to Princess Nongyu. I hope this gift is to Your Highness’ satisfaction.”

“It’s very beautiful,” Nongyu replied with sincere appreciation and fascination. “I shall wear it often and honor the late Princess’ memory.”

Lord Kwon bowed and was about to turn on his heel to return to his seat, but then the Queen stopped him.

“Uncle,” she piped up sternly. “Surely you realize Princess Nongyu is not the only one getting married today. I see you have prepared a most thoughtful and appropriate gift for the bride, but do you mean for the groom’s hands to be empty?”

“Majesty, that would be inauspicious. I would not dare embarrass His Highness in this way or in fact in any other way,” he replied. He was going to say more, but Joohyun cut in again.

“No doubt you have the greatest respect for your Prince,” said Joohyun. She sounded so earnest that, without context, it would have been easy to deceive an outsider into thinking she was not being sarcastic. “While offering a physical gift would be a very kind gesture on your part, there is something much more meaningful than you can do for the Prince. I understand that you have been very actively serving the country for a considerably long period of time. As part of the council, I trust that you are familiar with the ways of the court as well. As such, I would like to appoint you as Jooyoung’s mentor, to assist him in his princely responsibilities so he can more effectively fulfill his duty to the country.”

Lord Kwon smiled — or was that a smirk? “Thank you, Your Majesty. I humbly accept this appointment and will do my best in mentoring His Highness.”

Once he returned to his seat, another guest was summoned and the ceremony went on smoothly. Seulgi kept thinking about what the Queen said to Lord Kwon just now, comparing it to what she said about him the other day. If she found him to be so reprehensible, why appoint him as the Prince’s mentor? If she was trying to eliminate him, why give him even more power and influence? Why was she making decisions that would only cause her to deviate from her ultimate goal?

Seulgi shuddered. There was still so much she had to figure out and learn about Joohyun.


	8. Really Bad Boy

Not long after Jooyoung and Jongin were finished with their punishment of having to clean all the weapons in the armory, they had returned to their usual mischievous selves.

“Let me show you something I discovered recently,” Jongin began, an impish smirk creeping onto his face. Out of nowhere he conjured a book, brandishing it to draw Jooyoung’s attention.

“What’s that?” Jooyoung asked. Out of curiosity, he tried to take the book. But Jongin took a step back and hid it behind his back.

“I didn’t know you were so interested in reading.”

The Prince huffed. “Are you going to show me or not?”

Jongin giggled and finally relented, handing the book to his cousin. “Well, you’re a married man now, so you need to educate yourself on…” he paused to clear his throat. “Certain matters.”

Jooyoung eyed his cousin with distrust. “Sure, but this book…’Numerous Shades Between Black And White’...what is it supposed to teach me?”

Jongin giggled again, even more puckishly this time. “Only one way to find out!”

Jooyoung shook his head and opened the book. He expected the pages to be filled with words only, but there were a lot of illustrations. However, once he took a closer look at what the illustrations were all about, he closed the book shut. He could feel his cheeks become hot and he threw the book back at his good-for-nothing cousin. “How dare you!”

This time Jongin was downright cackling. “Come on! _You’re_ the married one! Why would you need to be shy or flustered? Aren’t you curious about all the different possibilities?” He winked and started to flip through the pages, making the Prince grimace and close his eyes in embarrassment. “ _I’m_ certainly curious. Look at all these positions! Who knew our bodies and limbs could actually be bent in all these ways…”

“Where did you even get this book from?!” Jooyoung demanded.

“Oh, so _now_ you’re curious.”

“This is so inappropriate. You’re always up to no good. Well, I want no part of it! Haven’t we — haven’t _you_ — already caused enough trouble last time?” Jooyoung questioned, folding his arms across his chest. “I don’t want to spend another moment in the armory. Ever! If you want to get into trouble again, I can’t and won’t stop you. Just don’t involve me in any of your messes anymore.”

“Aw, how could I possibly make you feel left out? I would never be this mean to you,” Jongin replied saccharinely. Once again he handed the book to the Prince, who accepted it _very_ reluctantly.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea…” Jooyoung insisted.

“Well, I think it’s a brilliant idea! I’m sure all this information will come in handy at some point,” said Jongin pompously. “After all, you want to impress your wife, don’t you?”

“Ah, I…” Jooyoung faltered, licking his lips. It was probably unseemly of a prince to have pornographic material in his possession. But if the information could help him impress Nongyu in the bedroom, then perhaps an exception could be made.

* * *

When the two boys met up again to talk about the inappropriate contents of that particular book, they were in Jooyoung’s study. However, their lively discussion was interrupted when the Queen walked in unannounced. They were so startled that they completely froze. There was not even enough time to hide the book in one of the drawers under the desk. By the time they could finally bring themselves to react by rising to greet the Queen, the book was already in her hands, as was their fate.

Joohyun let out a deep sigh at the two boys before speaking. “Jooyoung-ah, one of your tutors has informed me that you have been doing quite a bit of reading these days. Care to share what you’ve learned?”

“I…” he spluttered. “I didn’t read anything! I only have that book because Jongin gave it to me!”

Jongin gawked at his cousin before turning back to Joohyun. “That’s because he asked me for it! He begged me to lend it to him!”

“No I didn’t!” Jooyoung protested loudly and vehemently. “Why are you lying?! When have I ever—”

“Yes you did! You said you wanted to—”

“I said nothing of that sort!” He insisted. “I’m so done with you constantly trying to—”

“How do you even know what I was going to say?” Jongin questioned crossly. “I haven’t even said it! You always—”

“I don’t need to hear it,” Jooyoung snapped. “It’s bound to be some rubbish with no truth to it.”

“That’s enough,” Joohyun cut in, putting an end to this madness and noise. “Jooyoung, be quiet and listen to me. Starting from tomorrow, you will be reading different kinds of books. More about politics and economics and history,” she explained. She was continually thinking of different ways to groom him to become her ideal successor and the ideal future sovereign. She really wished he would be as serious as she was. “I will also see to it that your newly appointed mentor, our dear uncle, will go through all these readings with you. This is for your own good and to make sure your understanding of the materials is solid.”

Jooyoung groaned in pain. “I’m going to be overworked!”

“No, you won’t. We will rearrange and regularly adjust your schedule and lesson plans according to your progress,” Joohyun stated resolutely. “You can expect that I’ll also have you produce essays, analyses, commentaries, and other write-ups to check your knowledge, communication skills, critical thinking skills, attention to detail, and other competencies. You should consider yourself lucky for getting to receive an education that is usually reserved for crown princes. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes, Majesty…” he answered reluctantly.

“And you too, Kim Jongin,” she added sharply, eyeing her disobedient cousin with distaste. “Don’t you have better things to do with your time? I’ll have you go to the library every day. I don’t care if you choose to go in the morning, or in the afternoon, or in the evening, or even if you sleep there. You will write a book report for me every week, so don’t even _think_ about pulling any tricks.” Shaking her head at both of them, she then announced, “I will be quizzing both of you when you least expect it. So if you slack, I will most certainly find out.”

“Yes, Majesty…” Jongin was just as reluctant, but what alternative did they have?

“As for this book,” said Joohyun, bringing their attention back to ’Numerous Shades Between Black And White’. “I’m going to confiscate it and have it burned.”

The two boys were in no position to argue, so they kept their mouths shut until Joohyun was out the door.

“What a waste,” Jooyoung uttered. “I was just getting started with it. The book is much more educational than I could’ve expected! Why does my education have to be all about economics and politics? And history, who even gives a damn about history? Why can’t it be about...about...well, you know…”

Jongin snorted. “You really think she’s going to burn it?”

“I _wish_ she were merely jesting! She’s not the type to joke around.”

“Well, I don’t think she’s really going to do that.”

“What?” Jooyoung frowned. “I’m not in the mood to play games with you. You better be serious.”

“I’m serious. If she really wanted it burned and destroyed so we can’t get our hands on it anymore, she could’ve done it right in front of us just now,” Jongin pointed out. “Why take it away and do it elsewhere?”

Jooyoung gasped. “You mean…”

“It’s not that simple, my dear cousin,” Jongin replied mysteriously. “It’s never that simple.”

* * *

Indeed, just as Jongin predicted, Joohyun was not intending to destroy the pornographic material right away.

In the privacy of her own study, she was also compelled by her curiosity to see what the book had to offer. She found it fascinating beyond imagination. It was a whole new world she never even knew existed. She was so absorbed in it that she was inevitably startled when Seulgi came into sight. She jumped and then cleared her throat, flushing madly once she realized that this time _she_ was the one who was caught in the act. Oh, the irony.

She knew that there was no way Seulgi had not already taken a glance at what she was reading. And yet Seulgi looked so calm and unbothered. There was not even the tiniest tinge of surprise on the guard’s face, which made Joohyun even more curious and interested.

Surreptitiously, Joohyun put the book away and then forced herself to look Seulgi in the eye. After clearing her throat, she piped up. “I don’t know how much you saw just now, but I just wanted to say that I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Seulgi was not the least bit taken aback, standing still in front of Joohyun’s desk without qualm. Her facial expressions remained neutral and her calmness did not even seem feigned. She exhibited no interest, no shame, no discomfort, _nothing_.

“It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, Majesty. I’ve seen way too much of this kind of content to even _feel_ anything,” she admitted. “I’ve seen things _way_ more graphic than these illustrations.”

Joohyun looked alarmed. “How come?”

“Remember when I said that as a child I was forced to grow up quick?”

Joohyun nodded, recalling their conversation at the wedding and the story that Seulgi never got to tell. This time she was going to be able to share more details and Joohyun was all ears.

Seulgi took a deep breath and began. “My family — my biological parents — died when I was a child. There was no one else I could turn to, so I ended up as a beggar. Apart from stealing, the only way I could make a living was by singing and dancing on the streets, hoping passersby would be entertained and take pity on me. Maybe then I’d be able to earn a few coins.”

“Seulgi…” Joohyun’s soft voice conveyed concern and sympathy, but it only made Seulgi shake her head.

“You don’t have to feel sorry for me, Majesty. I don’t need that anymore,” she replied. “At some point, my performance attracted the owner of a whorehouse who took me in. I was still too young at the time, so they just had me do the cleaning and cooking. I kept having to do menial labor, but it was all worth it. At least I got to have three meals a day, not one meal every three days.” She paused to sniffle and gulp, thinking about how tough it was back then, when even _survival_ was such an arduous task. “And then, the owner — my _savior_ — she told me I’d start receiving customers once I turned 13. I was expected to sing and dance as well as provide sexual services for whoever was willing to pay. She said I had a face and figure that customers would like.”

“I agree,” Joohyun blurted amidst the solemnity and poignancy of the story that Seulgi was telling.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Ahem. I mean, I do find your face and figure to be very likeable as well,” Joohyun clarified. “No other implication.”

Seulgi shrugged. “But the owner of the whorehouse said that to every girl they recruited.”

“Well, I’ve only ever said it to one girl.”

This time Seulgi blushed. “Was that what Your Majesty meant when you said that I was special?”

Joohyun nodded. “Yes, partly. But anyway, you mean to say it’s because you used to work in a whorehouse, and that’s why you’re kind of desensitized to all sorts of sexual content in these books and whatnot?”

“I’ve witnessed a lot of sexual acts while I was there,” she explained. “Even these taboos became mundane and familiar to me, so I don’t shy away from them.”

“I see…” replied Joohyun. “And all of this is before you were adopted by Master Kang, correct?”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Then I had a family again. And then I started my martial arts training, befriended Moonbyul, and ended up here as your guard. And the rest is history.”

Joohyun smiled heartily. “Now that you’ve shared this much with me, I feel so much closer to you. I want to keep you even closer. Would you...would you want that too?”

Seulgi nodded. “As long as I can help make Your Majesty feel less lonely, I’d be happy to do it.”

Joohyun had never felt this sort of bond with anyone before. She was close with her siblings, but in different ways. Nothing quite like the way she felt when Seulgi was around. She knew Seulgi was special, of course, but for more reasons and in more ways than she was consciously aware of.

“Why don’t you take a walk with me, then?” Joohyun suggested.

“I would love to. Although I thought Your Majesty is going to meet up with your new sister-in-law soon. I wouldn’t like to get in the way.”

“That’s later,” said Joohyun. “For now we have some time to ourselves. And that’s precious to me. I want to cherish it.”

_I cherish every bonding moment we’ve had_ , thought Joohyun quietly. Although she kept this to herself and suppressed the sudden surge of emotions in her chest, not wanting to overwhelm Seulgi.

She thought it might have been because she was caught red-handed just now; that must have been why she did not even bother to keep her guard up around Seulgi anymore. Perhaps it was also because Seulgi was willing to open up to her and share stories about her past. Was that not a sign of trust?

Bottom line was that she enjoyed spending time with Seulgi, above everyone else.

She herself was hardly aware of how engrossed in her own thoughts she was, even while she and Seulgi were walking in the gardens together. To servants who passed by, it would just seem as though Captain Kang was just doing her job and nothing more, merely accompanying the Queen and paying attention to Her Majesty’s safety. Of course Seulgi was doing that, but she was also thinking about what she could do to support the Queen, particularly emotionally. She was anticipating dialogue, but it was not a must for their connection and engagement to be sustained on a verbal level. If the Queen was absorbed in her own thoughts and would prefer some peace and quiet, Seulgi was also happy to just stay silent and walk with her.

When Joohyun paused in her tracks and in her thoughts too, it was because she wanted to look at some flowers more closely. Seulgi was expecting the Queen to be more enthralled by the oleanders — she had heard from some maids that it was the Queen’s favorite flower. But what drew Her Majesty’s attention and brought a bittersweet smile onto her unblemished face, Seulgi discovered, was the cyclamens.

“Does Your Majesty like cyclamens too?” Seulgi could not help but ask. “They’re so beautiful.”

Joohyun shook her head. “I never cared much for them, but now I can’t stop looking at them whenever I see them. It’s my dead sister’s favorite flower after all. How can I just ignore their presence in my palace?” She sighed. “It’s like I live and relive her death every single day.”

Seulgi’s heart sank. It had been many years since the loss of her own biological family, so it did not hurt anymore. But to Joohyun, the loss she experienced was still very much a fresh wound. The heartbreaking pain was something that no ointment or medicine could alleviate.

“Your Majesty, how can I make you feel better?”

“Oh, you already do,” she replied pensively. “Sometimes I think to myself, if it weren’t for my sister’s ‘scandal’, you might never have been assigned to my household to be my guard. We might never have crossed paths. Can you imagine? Because I can’t. I don’t think I can imagine us not being part of each other’s lives.”

As if to emphasize her point, she crouched slightly and plucked a few scarlet zinnia flowers. Dusting them off with her handkerchief, she handed them to Seulgi.

“Here.” She smiled whereas Seulgi just looked bewildered. “I want you to have these.”

Seulgi accepted it awkwardly, staring at the flowers while they just seemed to stare back at her in equal confusion. “Thank you, Majesty.”

“Do you know what this flower signifies?”

She shook her head. “I would appreciate it if Your Majesty could enlighten me.”

“Constancy,” Joohyun revealed. “That’s what you mean to me.”


	9. Butterfly Girl

When Queen Joohyun and Princess Nongyu met up, their respective guards were present too, trailing a number of steps behind.

Joohyun had heard from her brother that Nongyu was a bit shy, but she turned out to be even shyer than the Queen had expected.

“Do I intimidate you?” Joohyun asked lightheartedly, although she quickly realized that asking this question might have ironically made her even more intimidating. She had a reputation of being scary and aloof, and she wondered if her new sister-in-law also thought of her that way.

“I wouldn’t put it that way, Majesty,” Nongyu answered artfully. “Your Majesty has a dignified way of walking and talking which inspires great respect from me. My brother told me a lot of things about you, including how venerable a monarch you are, even though it’s just the beginning of your reign. Now that I have had the honor of seeing you in person and becoming part of your family, I would say I regard Your Majesty with reverence, rather than feeling intimidated.”

This made Joohyun smile in approval. “Surely the first thing you’ve heard about me is that I managed to turn down a marriage proposal from the Crown Prince of a powerful empire.”

Nongyu smiled too and nodded. “That’s true. My brother has never been rejected before — it’s always been princesses and noble ladies fighting and competing to become his consorts.”

“No doubt your brother is very popular with the ladies. He’s so good-looking that even some of my own handmaidens were quite mesmerized,” Joohyun commented. “And you, equally charming. Although surely you hear these praises a lot.”

“Indeed. Back then, at the imperial court where I grew up, people around me would tell me that I was the prettiest flower,” she replied, taking a pensive glance at the flowers around her. “But deep down, I would rather be grass.”

“Grass?” Joohyun asked, becoming more and more curious. “What makes you say so?”

“Because then I wouldn’t catch anybody’s attention,” Nongyu explained ruefully. “I wouldn’t have to compete with other flowers. And more importantly, no one would try to pluck me or harm me.”

Joohyun agreed that being the center of attention could at times be more of a curse than a blessing. Especially as members of the ruling family, they could easily become targets of assassination attempts or other plots that could bring harm to them. She could imagine that Nongyu must have also endured a lot of this kind of pressure.

“Despite the misfortunes you’ve had in the past,” said Joohyun. “I certainly hope that you can feel safer here, especially now that you and Jooyoung are legally wedded.”

“I am thankful to Your Majesty for orchestrating this marriage.”

“How has Jooyoung been treating you these days?” She asked. “I know he can be such a child at times. He always expects people to look after him. I do sometimes worry he isn’t taking good care of you.”

“The Prince is very kind to me,” Nongyu answered meekly. “He never gives me a difficult time. I can tell that he makes efforts to make me happy. I can’t ask for better.”

“No, you should always keep asking for better,” Joohyun stated. “Men demand too much from us and provide too little in return. Within reasonable bounds, I don’t see why you shouldn’t push — or to put it more softly, _encourage_ — him to constantly strive to do better.”

“Is that why Your Majesty has been nurturing him to become an assiduous scholar and politician?”

“Partly,” answered Joohyun. “But it’s also because _I_ wasn’t the least bit ready when I came to take the throne. Or should I say, when the throne was passed down to me. The crown was never meant to be mine to wear,” she explained. “So now, I can only hope to prepare him the best that I can. I am going to give him a huge responsibility, after all.”

“Then I hope I can assist His Highness in meeting Your Majesty’s expectations. I’ll contribute in whatever capacity,” Nongyu offered. “This way, he won’t let you down. I’m confident that he would like to become someone you can be proud of.”

“In that case, _I_ should be the one thanking you,” Joohyun replied. “There’s no way you haven’t realized that you mean a lot to him. This implies you have a lot of influence over him, just as our cousin Jongin does. Whereas Jongin gets him into all sorts of trouble, I would like _you_ to use _your_ influence wisely. You understand what I’m saying?”

Nongyu nodded obediently. “Yes, Majesty. I will do my best.”

* * *

Quite some time had passed since the archery contest that Queen Joohyun held and won. But her courtiers had not forgotten about the purpose of that contest: for their Queen to be courted by one of her suitors. However, she was still single, and this did not sit well with some members of her council. One of them was her uncle, Lord Kwon, whose voice had never failed to generate echoes from other advisors on the council.

“Majesty,” he began solemnly. “Please understand that it is in the nation’s best interests for you to get married and beget an heir. If the men who participated in the archery contest were not good enough for your consideration, I am positive that there will be other men who can—”

“Ah, yes,” Joohyun cut in. “Of course I must rely on a man to provide for me.”

“It will ensure the country’s stability, Majesty,” he replied patiently.

“That’s a very good point, uncle,” she declared. “Rather than relying on just one man, why don’t I rely on _all_ men instead?”

“Your Majesty, it would be wiser to—” another advisor piped up, but was quickly silenced by the sovereign.

“Say no more. I have made up my mind. Starting from the coming month, I’ll have all men with any sort of aristocratic title pay a progressive percentage of their wealth to the royal treasury every month, on top of the taxes stipulated in the current fiscal policies,” she announced decisively. “It always pleases me when men are willing and eager to serve their Queen and country. And on that note, uncle,” she added slyly, recalling that her uncle and Lord Seo Dowon were mortal enemies. She would not be able to resist using this to her advantage, ultimately to control and possibly eliminate both of them. “Thanks to Lord Seo Dowon’s contributions, the famine problem is getting better now. I see some improvement, but it’s too slow. I believe donations would help accelerate this progress, so who better to turn to than the rich and privileged?”

This immediately sparked disaffection and discussion among the advisors in the room. They were already so money-hungry and power-hungry; would it be realistic for the Queen to expect that they would be willing to make donations? Undeterred, she went on.

“As far as I know, Master Kang — who isn’t even anywhere as high-ranking as any of you here in this room — has already donated a total of 200,000 _mun_. Uncle,” she said, looking him in the eye expectantly. “Your earnings are at least six times as much as his. I believe you’ll have no problem donating six times as much to those in need. Isn’t that right?”

Lord Kwon took a deep breath before confirming that Her Majesty was right. He realized he had fallen into Joohyun’s trap. Although not fatal, it was a trap nevertheless. She was asserting herself and making the statement that she was not going to make things easy for him. That she was capable of limiting his power should she ever want to. That she was not going to be bullied or pressured by her own subjects. Whatever she once gave, she could also take back. And whatever she once took, she could also give back. His only solace was that at least he was not the only one in the room who was affected by her new decisions and policies.

“Then it’s settled,” she concluded. “Master Kang’s earnings and donations will be used as a benchmark. With this new policy in place, I’m sure we will see much more remarkable progress in alleviating the famine and all its concomitant problems. Our meeting ends here.”

She then strode out of the hall, not once looking back.

* * *

Whereas Joohyun had to bear the responsibility of being in charge of state affairs, her intended successor Prince Jooyoung was relatively less burdened. At least, he was able to find the time to go on an excursion with his beloved wife. On this fine day, the two of them were disguised as commoners, as were their attendants. Together, they visited a market and did some shopping.

It was interesting and refreshing for both of them to see what life was like outside the palace. Nongyu found herself drawn to an accessory booth on the streets. As a princess, she had seen and worn lots of expensive and high-quality accessories before. She could have emeralds or rubies or sapphires or topazes or whatever gems she fancied. In fact, she was so accustomed to these jewels that they became boring to her. She was much more interested in what this booth had to offer, as their hairpins’ designs were so much more creative than what she usually got to see and wear in the palace.

“I really like this one,” she said to her husband, pointing at a butterfly hairpin. His face lit up as he shared her mirth.

“Let’s buy it then,” he announced.

Right after making the purchase, she let him put it on for her. His knuckles brushed past her soft, delicate hair, and he could not help but very, very gently slide his fingers against the side of her face, getting a feel of her smooth skin. Then the couple exchanged smiles — even these little things were capable of making them happy.

As they walked around and looked around, they came across a noodle stall that was operated by a family. While the women prepared the soup and dumplings, the men served the food and drinks to the customers. Even their teenage children were helping out with the cleaning. This sight made Jooyoung turn to his wife and ask, “do you miss your family?”

“I do,” she answered. “I miss my parents a lot. And my brother, the Crown Prince. He and I were quite close,” she revealed. “I have a lot of half-siblings too. My father, the Emperor, has a lot of concubines who bore plenty of children for him.”

“Ah, it’s quite the opposite for me,” he said. “I only have one half-sibling.”

“Hold on…” she hesitated and frowned slightly. “I thought you share a mother with both the late Crown Princess Jooyeon and Queen Joohyun.”

He nodded. “That’s correct. But my late father’s firstborn was actually a son that he had with one of his concubines. It’s just that this elder brother of mine passed away a few years ago. That’s how Jooyeon-noona ended up as the Crown Princess, and then...well, you know what happened.”

Feeling sad for him, she grabbed his hand and held it firmly to show her support. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It must have been so tough to lose two of your siblings _and_ your father within such a short period of time.”

He looked down in remorse and shook his head. “Back then, I didn’t know how to cherish my loved ones. I’m not proud of myself for having taken them for granted. Of course I regret it now, but that’s no use. It’s not like my remorse is going to bring them back. It was stupid of me to think that I didn’t need to care that much about them because I got to see them every day anyway. Clearly, I didn’t know what I had until it’s gone.” He sighed and pouted as his fingers sought to entwine themselves in hers. “But you don’t have to worry. I’ve definitely learned my lesson. So you won’t have to worry about me not knowing how to cherish you and love you. I will do that every day of my life and we will have the best time together.”

He sounded so profoundly earnest that it touched her heart, rendering her at a loss for words. All her life she had been surrounded by obsequious liars; she thought she might forget what it felt like to hear someone be honest with how they felt. Jooyoung’s earnestness was like a breath of fresh air to her.

“I’ll cherish you too,” she replied with equal sincerity. “And love you,” she added. “And kiss you.”

And kiss him she did. Both of them were blushing but very much enjoying this moment.

Their exchanges were witnessed by their guards who had been following them around, one of them being Yixing. Yixing felt a lump in his throat as he watched the young couple interact. He _should_ be happy that everything was working out for the Princess, that everything was going according to plan. But he was _not_ happy. Instead, his heart ached, and then sank when he realized that there was nothing he could do about his heartache. After all, how was he supposed to believe that he could ever stand a chance with the woman he was supposed to be guarding?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love the way you guys know Nongyu is up to something but don't know what exactly. If you think Joohyun is being bold right now, wait till you see what she does next. Also, for those who have been asking about the Queen Mother's character, stay tuned. (;


	10. Harem

For some reason, this morning Joohyun rose from slumber earlier than usual. This meant that while she was already having her breakfast, Captain Kang was still in the middle of her morning workout routine in the courtyard of the Queen’s residence. This made Joohyun realize that she had never had the chance to see what Seulgi’s workout routine was like. Out of curiosity, she gently pushed the door open to take a peek.

Joohyun was instantly mesmerized. Seulgi moved with so much grace that it would put trained dancers and performers to shame. She was also so agile and swift that Joohyun could barely figure out what kind of move she was executing — and by the time the Queen caught on, Seulgi had already moved on to the next set of exercise.

As Seulgi practiced with her sword, Joohyun wondered how heavy the sword was. She had never been allowed to actually hold one in her hand. She had only ever known that Jooyoung and Jongin kept complaining about how heavy these blades were. Yet Seulgi wielded the sword with ease and familiarity, making it seem like it weighed nothing. It was so effortless and natural to her, as if her body was _designed_ to engage in martial arts. She was absolutely stunning and Joohyun was unable to tear her gaze away — until a certain sensation in her body demanded her attention.

She started to feel a tingling sensation between her legs, specifically in her private parts. She had no idea how to process this feeling. She was not even sure if she had ever felt this way toward anyone else before. It made her feel slightly uneasy because she was unfamiliar with the way it felt, and yet it also excited her like never before.

As if her body had taken over her mind, she shifted in her seat. She could no longer prevent herself from acknowledging that _that_ part of her body desired friction. Some rubbing would be nice. She started to grind against the cushion that she was seated on, albeit flushing madly the whole time. She was so confused, unable to make sense of this feeling, this foreign sensation on a physical level and the effect that it had on her on a psychological level. Her body was telling her that it wanted stimulation and release, but she did not know what to do about it. After all, she only knew that she was supposed to sit elegantly and look pretty at all times.

The last time she felt something similar was when she was reading ‘Numerous Shades Between Black And White’ that she confiscated from the boys. She suspected that she was after some intimate physical contact. Having a husband might be convenient for this purpose, but the idea of doing it with a man was just so unappealing to her. Now that that thought had crossed her mind, the arousal was lost. _Men ruin everything_ , she thought to herself, and groaned in frustration.

“Your Majesty?”

Joohyun jumped and snapped to attention. She hoped against hope that it was not Seulgi who caught her in a compromising situation _once again_. Luckily, this time it was just Moonbyul. Only then was Joohyun able to recall that she gave Seulgi permission to take some time off this morning to spend some time with Moonbyul.

“Moonbyul. You’re here,” Joohyun stated awkwardly, momentarily unable to compel her brain to formulate something more meaningful to say.

“Majesty, are you blushing?” Moonbyul asked, stepping closer to the Queen. As she examined Joohyun’s cheeks more closely, she started to laugh. “Oh my goodness. You never blush! What happened?”

“ _Nothing_ ,” Joohyun insisted, glaring at her friend warily.

“The Queen lies,” Moonbyul declared with a chuckle.

“You shouldn’t be talking to your Queen like this,” Joohyun uttered. “You’re here for Seulgi anyway, right?”

“Yes, I think we’re gonna go fishing today. Why don’t you join us too, Majesty?”

“I have to meet with my advisors now, unfortunately.” She sighed. “These meetings hardly ever go well, but I have to do it anyway. I am Queen after all, and it’s my job to rule the country. So I’ll do my job, and I’ll do it well too.”

* * *

Indeed, just as Joohyun expected, the meeting was painful to endure. Her advisors once again brought up their concerns about securing a consort for the Queen. They did not get to discuss it last time as the topic was shifted to donations and raising taxes on the rich, so today they were carrying it on.

“ _Why_ are you all so insistent that I get married?” Joohyun questioned, frowning and glowering at them. It was their fault that her patience was at its end. “Does it really bother you that much?”

“Every country needs an heir, Majesty,” Lord Kwon stated gravely. “This is a matter that must be taken seriously.”

“An heir?” Joohyun raised her eyebrows. “So you believe that just because I don’t have any legitimate children, nor am I planning to ever have any, it must mean that I won’t have a successor?”

“It is also important to carry on the bloodline, Majesty,” another advisor pointed out. “Having children and descendants is a way to show filial piety and respect to one’s ancestors. The people will expect that the sovereign will set a good example for all of us to follow. Marriage is simply the first step.”

“Well then,” Joohyun replied. “What did previous rulers do when they haven’t got an heir?”

That same advisor answered, “they expanded their harems and took more concubines—”

“Perfect!” She cut in. “That’s a brilliant idea. I shall follow their example and do exactly that.”

The men in the room panicked and started to raise objections, competing with one another to draw the Queen’s attention to whatever point they were struggling to make. Some were urging her to think twice about establishing a harem, since it was unheard of that a female sovereign would have her very own harem. Others were more aggressive, downright shutting down this possibility and claiming that it would corrode the moral codes that the country has been upholding for centuries.

“Quiet,” she hissed. “I will not let any man change my mind, or tell me what I can or can’t do. What I want, I will get, because each one of you here will deliver,” she asserted sharply. Sweeping her piercing stare across the room, she paused for a moment just to see if any of them would dare make a sound. Fortunately, they all kept their mouths shut and their heads bowed, which was exactly what Joohyun wanted to see. What could possibly be more satisfying than men knowing their place and refraining from delivering their opinions?

Appeased, the Queen went on to say, “each noble clan will send one of their daughters into my harem as a sign of their fealty to me. Of course, they are free to send more if they so wish. I am not inclined to reject the company of women,” she explained with a smirk on her face. “The selection and shortlisting protocol will follow the way it’s been done for every male sovereign before me. If men are allowed to have as many consorts as they wish, and no one ever bats an eye, why can’t women do the same?”

This left her advisors speechless. She had a feeling they were simply too shocked, or too mortified, to say a single word, rather than because they approved of her decision and had no further objections. Either way, they were silent for now, and that was good enough for Joohyun.

* * *

Within a few hours’ time, everyone in the palace had been notified of the shocking decision that the Queen had made. It was the first thing that Seulgi and Moonbyul heard once they came back from fishing. Once Seulgi returned to her post, she approached the Queen.

“Majesty.”

“Yes, Captain?”

Seulgi took a deep breath before asking, “how shall I adjust and enforce the security arrangements once your harem is set up and your concubines start living here in the palace?”

Joohyun arched an eyebrow and looked at Seulgi skeptically. “Here I am, defying gender norms, and the first thing you ask about is the security measures?”

Seulgi faltered and looked down. “I’m just doing my job, Majesty.”

Joohyun kept her eyes on Seulgi for a prolonged moment before asking, less aggressively, “what if I were to include _you_ in my harem and make you one of my concubines? Would you like that?”

Seulgi looked up again, snapping to attention. Her eyes went wide at the mere suggestion of becoming the Queen’s concubine. She gulped and then shook her head.

“No, Majesty,” she answered. “No royal consort or concubine would get to be around the sovereign all the time. But if I remain as your guard, then I can be in your company more often, and I think I would prefer that.”

Slowly, Joohyun broke into a smile. She was about to say something in reply, but then the eunuch at the door announced that Moonbyul was here.

“Majesty!” Moonbyul strode in effusively, quickly bowing before continuing, “I heard about the new harem. I like this idea so much. You’ll be the first ever Queen in history to have a harem! Let alone such an extensive harem. I’m so proud of you.”

Joohyun grinned. Finally, someone who was fully supportive of her.

“Moonbyul-ah, why don’t you give Captain Kang a hand with the security arrangements? Seems she’s quite concerned about that,” she remarked.

Seulgi glanced back and forth between her friend and her Queen. Licking her lips, she blurted, “Majesty, please don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m not as supportive as Moonbyul is. It’s just that…I still have to do my job as Captain and be in charge of the security measures. I just don’t want to let you down.”

Moonbyul laughed at the way Seulgi got nervous and serious, while Joohyun also chuckled. “Captain, your sense of responsibility is laudable,” said the Queen. “You are truly the best person for this post. Perhaps I’m better off keeping you here as my guard instead of including you in my harem.”

“W-wait, what?” Moonbyul spluttered. “Majesty, do you really feel that way about Seulgi?”

“Feel ‘that way’? And exactly what way is that?” Joohyun asked innocently. “How am I supposed to feel about Seulgi, Moonbyul? Would you care to elaborate?”

“Majesty,” Seulgi chimed in hesitantly. “I don’t think Moonbyul means it like that.”

“Hmm, I’d like to hear Moonbyul explain herself, though,” Joohyun insisted. “Go on. I’m listening.”

“Well, what other motive could you have had?” Moonbyul shrugged. “You wanted Seulgi to become your concubine, Majesty. What else was I supposed to think?”

“It was just a hypothetical thought,” Joohyun chirped. “No need to take it so seriously.”

“Uh-huh...right…” Moonbyul uttered pensively. She was not at all convinced, but also did not think it was her place to be so inquisitive about the Queen’s intentions. It was not as if she would be able to get honest answers at the moment anyway, so she was better off observing the dynamics between Joohyun and Seulgi instead.

_After all_ , thought Moonbyul to herself. _Actions speak louder than words_.

* * *

As opposed to Moonbyul who hyped Joohyun’s decision and Seulgi who supported it in more practical ways, the Queen’s uncle Lord Kwon was less than pleased. He was determined to talk the Queen out of it and talk some sense into her, but he also had to recognize his limitations. First of all, he was not the Queen’s favorite person in the world, and he knew he could not do it on his own. He had his allies, but their influence over the Queen was no stronger than his.

As he thought about who else he could turn to, he came to consider someone he could get close to who was also close with the Queen. Naturally he thought about manipulating his mentee, Prince Jooyoung. But then he was just a child and not once had he ever been successful in standing up to Joohyun. And that had been the case even before she became the most powerful woman in the country.

But what about the _second_ most powerful woman in the country? The Queen Mother?

Could she be the accomplice that he needed?

There was only one way to find out.


	11. Salvation

When Lord Kwon showed up at the Queen Mother’s residence asking for an audience with her, she let him in. She then invited him to take a seat, and instructed her maids to serve some drinks.

“Lord Kwon,” she said flatly, with little enthusiasm in her tone. “How nice of you to think of me and visit me. What brings you here on this fine day?”

“I see Your Majesty is very relaxed and comfortable these days,” he commented. “All eyes are on your daughter the Queen now. No one would expect _you_ to have to carry any burdens.”

She nodded laxly. “I enjoy living an easy life. Unless you miss those days when I constantly had to stress over everything that was happening at court, because it was always _my_ responsibility? Nay, I am happy with where I am now. In fact, I think I’ll go and take a nap right after our conversation. Retired life is such a delight. You should try it sometime, Lord Kwon. I totally recommend it.”

“Ah, it is a pity that my duty to my country prevents me from retiring from court,” he replied. “You see, I always have the country’s best interests in mind. So whenever I see someone making decisions that will bring more harm than good to the country, I must put a stop to it.”

“Go ahead and do as you please, then,” she said. “You don’t need my approval for anything anyway.”

“It is certainly not your approval that I need. Rather, it is your assistance that I am after,” he revealed. “I’m sure Your Majesty is familiar with the saying ‘mother knows best’.

“And I’m sure Your Lordship is equally familiar with the saying ‘uncle knows best,” she replied snidely, but Lord Kwon remained unfazed.

“I see Your Majesty is so intelligent that you have already figured out what I am here to talk about. I will be straightforward, then,” he said. “Let’s discuss how to dissuade the Queen from going ahead with the establishment of her very own harem. I believe you can play an important role in putting a stop to this madness.”

“Lord Kwon, what makes you think _I_ would be capable of talking Joohyun out of it? Have you not seen how headstrong she is?” She questioned. “I think you overestimate me.”

“I believe Your Majesty is underestimating yourself. I’ve spent decades at court and I’ve seen just how powerful you can be. If you want someone dead, dead they will be. This time, it isn’t even as serious as a death sentence. Why should it be a problem?”

“Problem?” She arched an eyebrow. “I don’t see a problem at all. Whether or not Joohyun has a harem, it doesn’t matter to me. Like I said, I just want to live an easy and comfortable life as the Queen Mother. There’s no reason why I can’t just lie back and not mind anybody’s business but my own. I don’t feel threatened by Joohyun’s decision, nor will I be enjoying any benefits in particular. Why should I meddle and interfere with the sovereign’s decision then? Her word is law.”

Although she did not say it aloud, deep down in her heart she had her own suspicions about Joohyun’s motives. Whilst men usually wanted to invite more women into their harems out of lust or a desire to beget an heir, she knew that that was not the case for Joohyun. As for her decision to require each aristocratic clan to send at least one of their daughters into her harem, the Queen Mother could see that this move was not just about testing the nobles’ loyalty. It was also meant to weaken their ability to make alliances through marriages, so that they would be less able to team up to conspire against her. That way, she could enjoy a more stable reign, which was a desirable outcome in the Queen Mother’s eyes. She was not so inclined to step in to stop Joohyun, even if she were confident that she could do it.

“True that her word is law,” Lord Kwon remarked. “But that’s only as long as she is Queen.”

“What do you mean?” The Queen Mother asked warily.

“I fear Her Majesty will struggle to keep her position as Queen if she keeps this up.”

The Queen Mother slammed her palm onto the table, causing the trays and the cups to shake.

“That’s the last thing you should be worried about if you keep saying these treasonous things,” she snarled. “I shall hear none of it. If you have nothing else to contribute, leave.”

“You’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I will have to say it anyway. As the Queen Mother, you do need to be notified of what has been going on in the council these days,” he insisted. “Whenever I and the Queen’s other advisors urge her to think seriously about getting married, she always changes the topic and ends up devising a new policy out of the blue. First it was the taxes, then it was the donations, and this time a harem. She’s already raised taxes on the rich, yet gave tax breaks to the poor. She will gain favor with the commoners, but the nobles will not be happy with her. If she carries on losing favor with the aristocracy, soon she will be overthrown. The nobles are the ones who have economic and military resources, so it will not go well for her if she angers or offends them. There will be a breaking point where they will be pushed to revolt, and considering how short a period of time it’s been since she became Queen, she is accelerating the advent of her dethronement. And what do you think is going to happen if and when she is dethroned?”

She paused, realizing that he had a point. Of course he was not looking out for Joohyun’s safety out of the kindness of his heart — he had his own motives, whatever they might be. But at this rate, given Joohyun’s plummeting popularity with the nobles, the Queen Mother had to agree that Jooyoung’s ascension to the throne might come quicker than expected.

“Then again,” he went on before she could think of anything to say. “Even if and when Prince Jooyoung does end up sitting on the throne, Your Majesty will still be the Queen Mother. So, indeed, why should you care?” He shrugged. “You can still live very comfortably. Probably even more comfortably than the way it is now, seeing as Your Majesty still has a loving parent-child relationship with His Highness, whereas unfortunately the same cannot be said for your dynamic with our formidable Queen.”

“My comfort is none of your concern, Lord Kwon,” she snapped. “I suggest you worry less about me and instead devote your time and effort to other state affairs that more urgently demand your attention.”

“Turning me away will do nothing to ensure the Queen’s safety or her reign’s stability,” he pointed out grimly. “However, if you are not invested in it, then I shall take my leave now and tend to my other duties,” he added artfully. “Such as mentoring your young son, who will quite possibly become the future King.”

The Queen Mother’s facial expressions hardened. “Do you think you can use my son as leverage and threaten me into doing your bidding?”

“I wouldn’t dare have such treasonous intentions, Majesty,” he stated. “You may question my motives or think poorly of me, but the truth is that I have your son’s best interests in mind.”

“Do you?”

“Why else would I be teaching him all that I know about politics?”

She rolled her eyes and then plastered a saccharine smile onto her face. “That means you’re pouring poison into his ears, then.”

“I would feel offended if I weren’t so confident that I’m doing the right thing.”

“Your indomitable spirit is laudable,” she commented. “It almost seems like a good thing for my son to be around you all the time.”

“I am very honored to be His Highness’ mentor. But even if it were against my wishes, it’s not like I had a choice. The _Queen_ appointed me as the Prince’s mentor. And like Your Majesty pointed out just now, her word is law.”

Once again, the Queen Mother could understand why Joohyun deliberately chose _him_ out of all people to mentor Jooyoung. She was not going to say this aloud, but her suspicion was that this was her daughter’s attempt at setting a trap for Lord Kwon. Should the Prince make mistakes, his mentor could easily be blamed for it. Setting Lord Kwon up as a scapegoat sounded wise and even satisfying. As much as the relationship between the Queen Mother and her daughter was strained, she still had to give Joohyun credit for coming up with this scheme.

Still, at the end of the day, it was not Joohyun that the Queen Mother had to be worried about. It was Jooyoung. Her sweet, precious, yet naive and unfortunately gullible son. Joohyun’s trap came at a very dear cost — there was the risk of Jooyoung becoming Lord Kwon’s puppet. So if Jooyoung were to end up on the throne someday, it would essentially mean that Lord Kwon would be the one ruling the country. How could the Queen Mother just sit back and let that happen?

She thought hard for a moment before deciding on the most suitable way to deal with this snake in front of her. He came here wanting her to change Joohyun’s mind, but even if she agreed to do as he asked, never would she believe that he would agree to spare Jooyoung in return. It was simply unwise to bargain with people like him. She needed to react by adopting a different approach.

“Well,” she said coolly. “If you’re so convinced that what you’re doing is the right thing, that it’s in my son’s best interests and in the nation’s best interests, then who am I to stop you? You’ll stick to your convictions and keep doing it no matter what I say or do, the same way Joohyun will also keep doing what she does, no matter what I say or do. The nation is in her hands, and evidently in yours too. As a retiree, I don’t want to be involved anymore. You may do whatever good or evil you please.”

She then rose to her feet and strode out of the room, her maids following closely behind without question. Lord Kwon frowned as he looked on, displeased with the Queen Mother’s ambivalent response and nonchalant attitude. If she was truly no longer invested in the fate of this country, or in the consequences of Joohyun’s actions, or in the influences that Jooyoung would be subjected to, then it was truly up to him to turn this country into whatever he wanted it to become.

* * *

Unbeknownst to all the threats and warnings exchanged between Lord Kwon and the Queen Mother was the carefree Moonbyul, whose birthday was today. Joohyun had the chefs in the palace prepare the birthday girl’s favorite dishes and wines that evening. Once the Queen was finished with her work for the day, she met up with Moonbyul right away. Seulgi was there too, this time getting to relax and take a seat as she was a guest at the birthday party rather than just the Queen’s guard. They spent the next few hours eating and drinking — there was a _lot_ of wine. They were also chatting so freely that people who had never met them before would not be able to tell that there was a monarch, a guard, and a _bastard_ between them.

“Wow, it’s the first time I get to celebrate my birthday with _both_ of you, not just one or the other!” Moonbyul gushed. “This is great. It’d be so nice if my future birthdays could also be like this.”

“I’ll see to it! You’ll have a very happy birthday every year,” Joohyun declared with confidence as the three of them raised their cups again.

“Well, ever since I met Your Majesty, all my birthdays have only ever been happy,” Moonbyul remarked. “I’ll _never_ forget what Your Majesty has done for me. It’s changed my life for the better.”

“Ooh, wait,” Seulgi chimed in. “I’ve only ever heard Moonbyul’s side of the story. I’d like to hear it from Your Majesty too.”

“Hmm? What story?” Joohyun asked.

“The story of how Your Majesty and Moonbyul got acquainted,” Seulgi answered. “How Moonbyul came to the palace and all that.”

Since it was Seulgi’s request, the Queen gladly obliged.

“Probably around 5 years ago,” she began. “The royal family went on a trip to the western provinces. It wasn’t all about entertainment; it was also for work purposes. My father, the King, wanted to see what people’s lives were like over there, and to get a more accurate picture of the economic landscape in places farther away from the capital. Moonbyul’s family — well, her biological father, that is — was the head of one of the aristocratic clans in that region. So when my family was invited to dine at his residence, of course he and everyone in his household had to make preparations and put their best foot forward. This included even the lowliest servants such as Moonbyul, and even the lady of the house, who had an awful temper.”

“‘Awful’ is a bloody understatement,” Moonbyul uttered under her breath. “She hates me with her whole being.”

“I caught her bullying Moonbyul while I was there,” Joohyun went on. “Only then did I learn that Moonbyul was not just a random maid in a noble household. She was the illegitimate daughter of the head of the clan — a result of an affair that he had with one of the maids in his residence. This offended his wife so greatly that she made Moonbyul work as a servant instead of allowing her to get legally acknowledged as a lord’s daughter.”

Seulgi nodded as she listened attentively. “And then Your Majesty stood up for her.”

“That I did, yes. And that’s not even all. I also rebuked Her Ladyship for acting in such an unladylike manner too,” replied the Queen. “I then had Moonbyul transferred to work somewhere in the palace instead. I was not going to tolerate this abuse and I don’t see why Moonbyul should have to put up with it either.”

“And for that I will eternally be thankful,” Moonbyul added, then turned to rest her elbow on Seulgi’s shoulder. “If not for that, we might never have become friends! The two of you are the first ever friends I’ve ever had in my life. I was always so lonely and unloved back then…it was only ever me watching as my ‘family members’ celebrated their birthdays, while I just stood on the sidelines, serving wine or whatever. They never treated me as family, never made me feel accepted or worthy. It’s only ever with you two that I have a sense of belonging. Before that, I felt so worthless and I kept asking myself…’why did I have to be born?’, ‘why do I have to exist?’, ‘will I really have to live in misery for the rest of my life?’, just a lot of disheartening stuff like that.” She shuddered. “Luckily, I don’t have to live like that anymore.”

That made Seulgi chortle. “ _Why were you born? Why were you born?_ ” She sang.“ _You are so ugly. Why were you born?_ ”

Moonbyul let out a guffaw at the way Seulgi started singing the birthday song because of her choice of words. On the other hand, Joohyun was completely mesmerized. Seulgi had only sung a few lines, but already it was easy to tell that she was an outstanding vocalist. She sounded so stable and her voice was so lovely. Joohyun knew it must have been because Seulgi had been doing this for a living for a number of years, but this was the first time she got to personally hear Seulgi sing. She was so impressed. The more she got to know Seulgi, the more she grew to adore her.

“Come on! Let’s have more wine!” Moonbyul suggested blithely and started to fill up everyone’s cups. They spent the rest of the night drinking and chatting, having the time of their lives.


	12. Close To Me

Despite the tense relationship between Joohyun and her mother, the royal family still ended up going on a picnic together. The two Queens were accompanied by not just Jooyoung and Nongyu but also the Queen Mother’s other nephew, the 5-year-old Lord Oh Sehun. However, Lord Kim Jongin — who also liked to act as if he were 5 — was not part of this merry picnic. He had been caught procrastinating and napping in the library when he was supposed to be reading and studying, so Joohyun decided he would simply have to make up for it and miss out on all the fun outdoors.

This occasion marked the first ever interaction between Sehun and Seulgi. They had been in the same room before, at the royal wedding, but they never got to interact one-on-one. Out of all the guards, maids, eunuchs, and other servants attending the royal family, it was Captain Kang that Sehun kept stealing glances at throughout the journey.

While Jooyoung and Nongyu chose to make their way to the side of the lake to skip stones, the rest of the royal family sat down to eat. That was when Sehun finally spoke. Shamelessly, he said aloud, “Captain Kang, you’re so beautiful. When I grow up, I am going to marry you.”

Seulgi blushed and looked down at her shoes. The boy sounded so serious, but Joohyun was so amused that she giggled and said, “if you want to marry Captain Kang, you should start learning martial arts. Will you be willing to do that, little cousin?”

Sehun nodded enthusiastically. “I want to learn!”

However, his aunt, the Queen Mother, was nowhere as pleased. Coldly, she declared, “noblemen don’t marry _guards_ , Sehun.”

“Why?” The little boy frowned and scratched the nape of his neck. “Guards are nice people.”

“Guards are still servants,” the Queen Mother stated dispassionately. “As a lord, you should marry a noblewoman instead. There are lots of aristocratic clans for you to choose from, and you certainly deserve to marry a lady from an esteemed family, nothing less.”

Sehun could only blink innocently at his aunt who looked stern. She was wary of not just Seulgi but in fact _all_ guards in the palace, even though Sehun was too young to understand her reasons. There was no way she could forget that her firstborn had an affair with a _guard_ and even got pregnant with said guard’s child. It was such a disgrace and the Queen Mother was determined to prevent this tragedy from ever happening again. No matter the cost, she was definitely _not_ going to let another family member get involved with _any_ guard.

Joohyun was no longer smiling. Instead, she glowered at her mother and would have raised her voice if not for someone else already doing it. High-pitched screams could be heard coming from the side of the lake, which sent everyone rushing to see what was going on. They gasped and panicked once they learned that Princess Nongyu had fallen into the water.

Although her guard Yixing had already jumped into the water, Seulgi followed suit without thinking twice, as did a few other servants. They swam to the Princess’ rescue as quickly as they could. Together, they hauled her back onto dry land, and her maids quickly attended her. Jooyoung on the other hand was already going pale and freaking out, looking as if he might burst into tears any minute. Joohyun was calmer but still had to personally check if Seulgi was alright. As the Queen only had a handkerchief with her, the best she could do was use it to wipe Seulgi’s face. Still, it hardly stopped Seulgi from shivering as the water was treacherously cold just now. Decisively, Joohyun announced that the picnic was over. Everyone was to return to their carriages and be on their way back to the palace. Seulgi definitely needed a hot bath and to get changed into clean, dry clothes.

Although everybody followed the Queen’s instructions, it was as if Joohyun herself had forgotten that she was Queen. No monarch would ever be the one attending their guard, but Joohyun was doing nothing less for Seulgi, and not for a moment did she even hesitate. She even helped her get into the carriage, even though guards were never allowed to sit inside the vehicle with whomever they were supposed to serve. Seulgi was mindful of this and hesitated, but Joohyun shushed her and ushered her into the carriage.

The Queen Mother witnessed the way Joohyun was behaving around Captain Kang the whole time, and she was less than pleased with it. She frowned in disapproval at the way Joohyun was breaking all these rules for Seulgi. In her eyes, Seulgi was just a guard, an unworthy servant. But to Joohyun, she meant everything, and no one was going to stop her from being protective over her precious zinnia.

* * *

As soon as Seulgi took a bath and got changed into a new set of clothes, she was completely fine. However, Joohyun remained in a bad mood not just because of the accident from earlier but also because of the way her mother spoke of Seulgi and guards in general. She was in no mood to tend to her queenly duties, knowing that the complicated state affairs would only agitate her further. She decided to do something to soothe her temper whilst she waited for Seulgi to return to her post.

When Seulgi was ready, she found the Queen in the courtyard. Once she stepped closer, she saw that Her Majesty was crouching, surrounded by three cats. She never knew that the Queen was fond of cats, but it was such an adorable sight that it made her smile.

Seulgi cleared her throat to announce her presence, then bowed and greeted the Queen. Joohyun rose and quickly went up to Seulgi, asking, “are you feeling better now? I hope you won’t catch a cold from this…”

“I’m going to be fine, Majesty,” she replied in reassurance, even though Joohyun’s concern warmed her heart. “I’m healthy and tough, so you needn’t worry.”

Joohyun did not look very convinced, so Seulgi decided to change the topic. “Your Majesty is a cat person?” She asked, and Joohyun nodded with mirth.

“Come and meet my cats.” She pointed at each cat as she went on to say, “they’re called Seungwan, Sooyoung, and Yerim. Seungwan’s purrs are more high-pitched, more melodic, like she’s singing. She also purrs the most,” she explained. “Sooyoung is the one with the longest body, so she’s very easy to recognize. She used to purr more when she was younger, but these days not so much; I don’t know why. As for Yerim, she’s the smallest. Look at how tiny she is,” she gushed, grinning from ear to ear. “She must be protected at all costs.”

“They’re adorable,” said Seulgi softly. She and Joohyun looked on as Seungwan licked and groomed herself meticulously. Meanwhile, Sooyoung was feeling more adventurous, curiously sniffing at a pile of branches near the fence. Yerim on the other hand was just curled up and still, chilling by herself and minding her own business.

Joohyun nodded in agreement. “My father gave them to me. We used to play together when he wasn’t in the mood to get work done. But now it’s just me and the three of them. I wonder if they miss him as much as I do.” She sighed, but then shrugged and pushed her nostalgia aside for now. “They always cheer me up. Little animals make me happy.”

While she gazed at her cats affectionately, Seulgi also looked at her the same way. Indeed she was in a much better mood when surrounded by her cats. Seulgi reckoned that little children made Joohyun happy too, having observed the way she smiled and giggled when spending time with her youngest cousin during the picnic. Although there were a lot of things in life that brought her pain, there were still people and things who could make Joohyun happy. Seulgi felt all warm inside when she thought about that.

“Captain, why are you looking at me like that?” Joohyun asked.

“There’s just...something I want to say to Your Majesty,” she answered. She had been chewing over this for so long; it would make her feel so much more at ease if she could just get to say it aloud.

“Hmm?”

“Majesty, my job is to be your personal guard, to ensure your safety, to protect you from harm, physically,” she started, licking her lips nervously. She also tilted her head to the side a little bit as she thought about how to put her feelings into words. “But when I see you smile — your genuine smiles, of course — your happiness has become something precious that I want to protect as well,” she admitted. “I fear I may have overstepped my boundaries.”

Instead of agreeing with that last sentence, Joohyun simply looked at Seulgi with a loving gaze. What she found so sweet about what Seulgi just said was that, out of formality, everybody at her court would wish her prosperity, longevity, and good health, but then Seulgi’s wishes were more personal. She wished for Joohyun’s happiness, and it made Joohyun wonder who else in the palace could be as invested in her personal happiness as Seulgi was.

“That would be the case only if you saw me as nothing more than an untouchable sovereign, and yourself nothing more than an ordinary guard,” Joohyun replied. “If what you’re saying is that I’ve come to mean more to you than just someone you serve, then you should know that the feeling is mutual. I wouldn’t be able to stand not having you by my side.”

“Majesty…” Seulgi gulped, suddenly at a loss for words. Joohyun, however, had more to say. The closer she got, the more emotional Seulgi became.

“You came into my life at a time when I was most fragile and broken, when I most desperately needed certainty and hope. So if we’re not meant to be, then nothing in the world was ever meant to be,” she declared. “We are meant for each other, Seulgi.”

“I’ve never been this close to anyone before, not like this…” Seulgi could only whisper, but it was still audible to Joohyun considering their proximity not just physically but also emotionally. “Is it wrong if I want us to be even closer?”

“How close?” She asked. There was some playfulness in her tone, as if there was already an idea that she wanted to enact. “How about this?”

Seulgi did not get it at first, but when Joohyun’s lips were softly pressed to hers, she understood. This was exactly the kind of intimacy she wanted, and it was exciting to get to know Joohyun in _this_ way too. She made an equal effort to keep their liplock going, until her attempts had gone beyond mere reciprocation. Joohyun accepted and even welcomed her advances. While it was sweet of Seulgi to want to protect her happiness too, Joohyun believed that her happiness was not in anyone’s hands but her own. So she took control and kept Seulgi close, only letting go because they were both out of breath.

Their eyes darted everywhere afterward. They were overjoyed but nonetheless flustered. Looking around, they found that they were surrounded by the three cats who looked up at them expectantly.

“I think they want to be fed some snacks.” Joohyun giggled at the sight and brought Seulgi to the stone table in the middle of the courtyard. The Queen had already instructed her servants to prepare several dishes of treats for the cats. “Seulgi, why don’t you do the honors this time?”

* * *

After the accident by the lake, neither Jooyoung nor Nongyu felt like going out. They opted for some indoor activities instead, and this gave Nongyu an idea.

“While you were having your lessons with your tutors and your uncle, I’ve been picking up a new hobby as well,” she revealed. “Want me to show you?”

Jooyoung nodded eagerly, ready to hype whatever it was that his beloved wife had been up to these days. He looked on as her maids set up the apparatus for her. When everything was ready, she approached the desk and got started.

“You’ve been practicing calligraphy?” He asked as his face lit up. “That’s amazing! I’m so impressed!”

She grinned upon hearing his praises. “I’m still trying to get used to it. I have to keep reminding myself that I should be standing while doing this.”

He rose from his seat and then walked up to her. When he stood behind her, she thought he was going to hold her hand and show her how it was supposed to be done. But instead he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Your handwriting is so beautiful,” he murmured appreciatively. “But of course…” he chuckled. “ _You_ are far more beautiful.”

“My Prince flatters me,” she cooed. They exchanged a quick peck on the lips before she went on to ask, “would you like me to teach you some Chinese as well?”

Slowly, he loosened his embrace and put his hands behind his back. Feeling awkward, he shrugged and said, “I...I’ve tried learning it before...but...I gave up pretty quickly. It’s too difficult.”

“Ah...would you be willing to try again?” She reached for his hand again, showing him just how gentle and relaxing her touch could be. “For me, this time?”

His motivation meter was suddenly filled up. “Yes!” He blurted. “I’ll do anything for you!”

Despite the popular saying ‘all men do is lie’, this time Jooyoung was _not_ bluffing. By the end of the hour, he had already produced a full sheet of Chinese characters. He ought to feel proud that he managed to come this far, but the more he stared at his own handwriting, the less he liked it.

Frowning, he uttered, “my handwriting is so ugly.”

“Yes, it’s ugly,” she agreed. But before he could pout and stomp his feet, she added, “luckily, _you_ look handsome, so it’s fine. You’re the handsomest prince I’ve ever seen.”

“Really?” His eyes were _shining_. “You mean it?”

She nodded heartily. “I’m glad it’s _you_ that I married,” she replied. “When I fell into the lake the other day, I thought I was going to die. I thought I’d never get to see you again, and that thought was unbearable. So please let me hold you right now.”

This time she was the one who hugged him. When they were not face-to-face, she smirked and inwardly gave herself a standing ovation, congratulating herself on her efforts in making sure that everything was going to plan. Her mother and her brother would be proud of her for having come this far. However, she wondered how they would feel if they were to find out that she was actually kind of developing some real feelings for this naive yet cute husband of hers.

_Well_ , she assured herself inwardly, _as long as these feelings don’t get in my way, everything will be just fine_.


	13. Confidante

There were two types of people in the world: people who considered themselves a morning person, and people who did not.

Joohyun could no longer think of herself as a morning person. She had stayed up late the night before, wanting to finish a batch of reports before going to sleep. Even though it was a fine morning, she had no desire to get out of bed.

On the contrary, Moonbyul was full of energy. Merrily, she made her way to the Queen’s residence. She wanted to put all that energy to good use, so when she saw that Seulgi was exercising, she suggested that they spar together.

After a few rounds, Moonbyul groaned, though not in exhaustion. “Seulgi, you keep losing!” She complained. “I _know_ you can do better than that. You were the trainee with the _best_ performance and that’s why you got the job as the Queen’s personal guard. Am I supposed to just accept that you would keep losing to _me_? When _I’m_ the one who’s out of practice? Come on. What’s gotten into you?”

Seulgi put her sword away and sighed. “You know what, I’m just going to say it.”

“Yes, please explain yourself.”

Quickly, Seulgi made a saccade across the courtyard to make sure that the Queen’s maids and the other servants in the household were not within earshot. Only then did she take a deep breath and announce, “the Queen and I...we...we sort of...you know...kissed.”

“What?! Oh, my goodness!” Moonbyul exclaimed. “Finally! It’s been painful, you know, watching the tension accumulate between the two of you.”

“Not so loud,” Seulgi hissed. “I don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Moonbyul giggled. “Wow, this is the best news I’ve heard in a while. I’m so pleased! Hey, how come _you_ don’t look pleased? Was she not a good kisser?”

“It’s not about that!” Seulgi clarified. “I’m just...kind of apprehensive about it. It’s not that she made me uncomfortable; it’s just that...I’m not sure what this is supposed to mean.”

“What it’s supposed to _mean_?” Moonbyul snorted. “It means you two _like_ each other. What else do you think it’s supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to process it or what I’m supposed to do about it. Never in my life had I ever expected to have kissed the _Queen_ , out of all the people in the world,” Seulgi admitted. “Also, yes, we shared a kiss, but so what? What can I expect will result from it? Why in the world would I expect any sort of romantic relationship or commitment to form between a royal and a _guard_? All I know is that the last time it happened, both of them _died_ , so I don’t want to follow in their footsteps.”

“Well, that’s because they had a _baby_ out of wedlock,” Moonbyul pointed out. “That’s not gonna happen to you and the Queen.”

“Whatever,” Seulgi uttered. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, really?” Moonbyul raised her eyebrows. “Maybe you want to be rational. Maybe you want to think that way. But is your heart just going to settle for that?”

“It won’t lead to anything more, so why should it matter?”

Moonbyul sighed. “Oh, man. You’re stubborn.”

“I’m just telling the truth,” said Seulgi under her breath.

“Well, I don’t want to argue with you, so let me just tell you this: don’t fixate on what you think will or won’t _result_ from it. You’re probably better off thinking about what _led up_ to it,” Moonbyul suggested. “I’m talking about your _feelings_ for each other. I guess I should be glad that at least you’re not denying it.”

“And what would be the point? It happened once, and it was great, but it’s not gonna happen again,” she insisted, even though deep down she wanted it to happen again. She did not even want to admit it to herself, let alone admit it to her friend who, usually, proved to be right in the end.

“We’ll see about that,” replied Moonbyul.

They paused in their discussion when one of the Queen’s attending eunuchs came up to them.

“Captain Kang,” he said. “Master Kang is right outside, asking to see you.”

“He’s probably here to talk to me about the security around the harem,” Seulgi explained to Moonbyul. “I’ll be right back.”

Moonbyul nodded as Seulgi and the eunuch exited the courtyard. Turning around, she noticed that the Queen had finally risen from bed and was having her breakfast. Spiritedly, Moonbyul went up to Joohyun and bowed.

“Good morning, Your Majesty,” she said with mirth. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not bad. I just kind of regret having stayed up late,” replied Joohyun with a shrug. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“Of course. My friend and my other friend kissed. I’ve been rooting for them all along, so it’s nice to see this development. It’s very wholesome,” Moonbyul commented gleefully.

Joohyun rolled her eyes, but lightheartedly. “I should’ve seen this coming. You two have always been close.”

“Correct, Your Majesty. No secrets between me and Seulgi.”

“Well then, I assume that’s what you two were discussing just now?”

Moonbyul nodded. “So I’ve been meaning to ask, what kind of a relationship does Your Majesty want with Seulgi?”

Joohyun hesitated for a moment. “You’re just going to tell her everything that I tell you here and now, right?”

“Well, I’m sure it’s nothing you weren’t already planning on telling her anyway,” she said with a wink.

“Fine. Just don’t tell her _right away_ because I want to find a suitable time to tell her myself.”

“Alright!”

“What I think is that...I don’t particularly _need_ any sort of formal relationship with her. It doesn’t _need_ to be something that’s properly recognized by the law. I don’t _need_ to have an official consort. I’m fine as long as Seulgi is around me. Unless she wants some sort of title bestowed upon her, apart from ‘Captain’, that denotes her personal association with me. She doesn’t seem like the type to go for that, though, does she?”

“So you know what you’re _not_ looking for. But what is it that you _are_ looking for?”

“I’ve never thought about it…” she admitted. “I didn’t think too much. I just went in for the kiss.”

“I guess it’s understandable that you’d be too smitten with her to deliberate upon it. But maybe you should start thinking about it,” Moonbyul suggested. “This sort of undefined relationship and the uncertainties that come with it could make Seulgi feel apprehensive or uneasy.”

“And you’re telling me this because _she_ wanted you to convey this message to me?”

“No, not really,” she answered. “It’s just that I want the best for both of you.”

Joohyun smiled. “Compared to all the men who call themselves my advisors, you seem to be much more capable of providing sound advice to me.”

“Well, that’s different,” Moonbyul remarked. “I don’t know the first thing about politics.”

“If you were knowledgeable in politics, though, I’d love to recruit you to join my council,” replied Joohyun. “Sometimes I think if I just allow women to become my advisors and kick all men out of my council, we’d operate much more efficiently.”

“Then what’s stopping you, Majesty?”

“Good question. Maybe that, traditionally, women’s education has never really included the subjects that I’ve been making Jooyoung study.”

“And what’s stopping you from changing that?” Moonbyul pressed on. “There’s no reason why women should be discouraged from learning about these things. Similarly, I don’t see why men can’t learn to do things that have traditionally been done by women. Like sewing, for instance. Back when I was still living with my ‘family’ and working as a maid there, there was this messenger boy in the household. He left a strong impression on me because he would secretly borrow needles and fabrics from other maids. He said he wanted to learn how to do needlework. I’m actually quite impressed by that boy.”

“Hey, that’s actually not a bad idea.”

Moonbyul nodded confidently. “And you’re the one in charge of the country. You have the power to change the way things are done.”

Joohyun nodded too. “It’s time for me to put that power to good use, then. I’ll make the changes I want to see in the world.”

* * *

While Queen Joohyun met with her advisors as usual, Prince Jooyoung was in the middle of his lessons with other esteemed tutors, also as usual. However, what was not so usual was that, for once, he was able to concentrate on his learning — the trick simply was to find an interesting and lively way to present the information and concepts to him, so that he was less likely to feel bored.

Fortunately, Joohyun’s meeting with her council was wrapped up before lunch, so she could have the afternoon off. Jooyoung, on the other hand, had lessons even after lunch. As he was occupied with his academic pursuits, his wife and his sister sat down to have tea together. This created another opportunity for their respective guards, Seulgi and Yixing, to chat too. They had been able to meet up regularly — albeit not frequently — to spar and practice together. Yet, getting to know each other through talking instead of clashing blades was a different kind of experience.

“It’s going to be the Lunar New Year soon,” Seulgi began. “How do you usually celebrate it in your country?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you about our customs. My favorite part of the festivities is probably getting to light firecrackers,” Yixing answered breezily. “It’s so fun.”

“Firecrackers? Pardon me, but that sounds...rather violent and somewhat dangerous,” Seulgi replied hesitantly.

“Well, technically, it’s an explosive device. So it does have its dangers, but also its value. Sometimes they have visual effects and different colors. They have fuses as well, wrapped in a heavy paper or cardboard casing to contain the explosive compound.” Yixing explained. “It’s supposed to produce a large amount of noise, like a loud bang. And we do that for a very good reason.”

“Ah, and what might that be?”

“It’s not just to enhance the festive atmosphere. It’s supposed to ward off evil spirits as well. Legend has it that there’s a monster, called Nian. Every year, on New Year’s Eve, it comes out to eat villagers and destroy their houses.”

Seulgi shuddered. “Sounds scary. And the firecrackers are supposed to burn the monster?”

“Not exactly, but the explosive sounds can scare the monster away, and that’s good enough. Since then, it’s become a tradition,” Yixing revealed. “What about _your_ favorite New Year custom?”

“Oh, it’s nothing as fancy as lighting firecrackers or anything like that. It’s very simple, actually. I don’t ask for much. I just enjoy getting to spend time with my father. People are supposed to be spending time with their families over the New Year,” she said, but then faltered. “Oh, sorry...I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I forgot that your family is all the way in China and you don’t get to reunite with them…”

Yixing shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I grew up as an orphan anyway. Never knew who my parents were. Don’t know if they’re dead or alive either. I don’t really have a family. And I will pretty much be here in Korea for the rest of my life. So I won’t have a family unless I get married and start one myself.”

“And are you looking forward to that?”

He shrugged. “I’m just too focused on doing my job as Princess Nongyu’s guard to be thinking about settling down with someone else.”

“I guess both of us are very committed to our jobs.”

“Oh, right. You’re part of the Queensguard, aren’t you? So you won’t be getting married and having children?”

Seulgi nodded. “I’m sworn for life and my first duty is to the Queen and country, not to myself or to my family.”

“But why would you choose to commit your whole life to being a guard?” He asked. “If you don’t mind me asking, because that’s a huge sacrifice. What if you fall in love with someone one day, and you want to get married and start a family with them?”

“That’s an ‘if’. Right now, I like the stability of this job. I like certainty,” she admitted. She paused for a while and thought about her past, what her life was like before she got adopted by Master Kang. She did not have a home back then. There was no security or stability for her. But with this job, she would be tied to it. She would not have to starve, and was unlikely to be abandoned. This kind of certainty brought much more comfort and reassurance to her than she could ever ask for.

After the conversation with Yixing, Seulgi felt surer about why she was feeling so troubled even though there was nothing but mirth and elation in her heart when she and Joohyun were kissing. It must have been because of the uncertainties that arose from that kiss. Truly, one kiss was enough to change everything.

* * *

When Jooyoung had finished his lessons for the day, he left the royal library and was headed back to his own residence. On the way, he ran into his sister.

“Noona! How was your day?” He asked, evidently in a good mood because today’s lessons had been interesting and meaningful to him.

“Not too bad, but could be better,” she answered. “You seem to be of good cheer, though.”

“I survived a full day of lessons,” he said pompously. “Why wouldn’t I be in high spirits?”

“Good for you,” she replied. “I have to go back to work. I’ve got another batch of reports sitting on my desk, and they’re not going to read themselves.”

“That’s so tiring!”

“I’m glad you agree. That’s going to be your job in the future. The sooner you get used to it the better.”

He groaned. “You show absolutely no mercy to me.”

“I should have you assist me with some of the simpler administrative tasks, actually,” she added, completely unmoved by his reluctance. “When you're ready, of course. Because right now you aren't.”

“Oh yeah! You’re absolutely right! I’m not ready! I’m not ready at all!” He blurted hastily. “It’s going to take me a _long_ , long time to get ready. I've still got so much to learn, so I should learn more first! Otherwise I won’t be able to do well! I’m gonna make so many mistakes; it’s just going to further inconvenience you! So you shouldn't let me do it!”

“But you will be ready someday,” she stated coolly. “I'll see to it. I'm doing my best to prepare you for what's to come. Hopefully, one day you will understand my painstaking efforts. It's really in your best interests.”

“That's what our dear uncle says to me practically every day, ever since he’s become my mentor,” he uttered.

“Oh, really?” She arched an eyebrow, wondering if she ought to be alarmed. “What else has he been saying to you? What else does he keep repeating?”

“Hmm…” he thought hard as he scratched the nape of his neck. “That I should beget an heir with my wife as soon as possible.” He snorted. “Does he think I'm not trying? Anyway, noona, please go back to work. I want to spend some quality time with my wife.”

“Alright. I’ll get out of your way,” she said lightheartedly. After giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, she returned to her study.

* * *

Once Jooyoung was reunited with his wife, they also started to talk about the Lunar New Year.

“We’re going to have a meal together as a family,” Jooyoung announced. “So we’ll be dining with my mother and my sister. We’ll do that first, since we’re the royal family. After that, I think we might dine with our other relatives from my mother’s side of the family. So that’s going to include that punk Jongin as well as little Sehun, my kid cousin that you met during the picnic last time.”

Nongyu nodded. “We’re such a small family.”

“Ah, you’re from a much bigger family, aren’t you? You have so many younger siblings. Half-siblings, but...oh, well.”

“Indeed. I’m the eldest daughter, so I’m expected to be a role model for all of my younger sisters.”

“Wow, the pressure must be heavy,” he commented. “Luckily I don’t have to do that for anyone.”

“I’m actually curious about what it’s like to have elder sisters,” she replied. “But that’s just something I’ll never get to experience.”

“Well, I grew up with two. They tend to baby me, and I like it, of course. But I’m not sure they understand that I also want to be seen as an adult too, you know? Especially now that I’m married,” he explained seriously. Being the youngest in the family came with certain perks, but he wanted validation as a grownup too. “My mother also does that a lot. Always treating me like I’m a child, like I need to be protected all the time. I wish they’d see that I’m not a kid anymore! I can protect myself. Even though…” he sighed. “I’m really not that good with weapons and whatnot. Particularly when it comes to archery, I’m certainly inferior to the Queen.”

“Don’t worry,” she said sweetly, eager to reassure her husband whose needs she reckoned were totally valid. “If you love me and cherish me like you said you would, then you’re capable of protecting me too.”

While the couple’s conversation went on, Yixing was right outside and could vaguely hear a few lines. He definitely caught what Nongyu just said, which made him sigh inwardly.

_Princess_ , he thought to himself, _don’t you know I can protect you much better than that?_


	14. The Show Must Go On

While the royal family prepared for the coming of the new year, the commoners outside the palace did the same. ‘Twas the night before the new year, so everyone was gathering on the streets, not wanting to miss out on the good show that the street performers were putting on. There were singers, dancers, fire breathers, fortune tellers, snake charmers, jugglers, contortionists, acrobats, puppeteers, ventriloquists, magicians, and so many others. They had all sorts of eye-opening tricks up their sleeves, bound to take onlookers’ breaths away. Even the Queen herself was tempted to see what they had to offer. Clad in commoners’ clothes, she took a trip out of the palace, accompanied only by Captain Kang.

During the carriage ride to the nearest village, Joohyun once again had Seulgi sit with her. She noticed that Seulgi was carrying a bag that was not large but definitely looked heavy. Pointing at it, she asked, “what did you put inside?”

“Coins, Majesty,” Seulgi answered.

“Do we _need_ that much money? I heard street food is supposed to be quite cheap.”

“It’s not just for food, Majesty. I want to be able to put money in as many performers’ hats as possible. I know how tough it is to be living on a small and unstable income,” Seulgi explained. “I don’t believe any individual ever _needs_ that much money. It’s just that wealth is never evenly distributed. Think of what this amount of money would mean to people like Lord Kwon, or Lord Seo, or any other rich nobleman. If you deduct this from their wealth, their financial stability would hardly be harmed. But if you consider one of the poorest villages in the country, this same amount of money would be able to put bread on everyone's table for a month. So it's not that there isn't enough for everyone. It's just that a small part of the population has hoarded a big part of the country's resources.”

Joohyun was originally looking attentively at Seulgi as she explained, but soon her line of vision darted to that bag of coins instead. Joohyun found herself looking away, slightly ashamed of herself for not having done more about this problem of economic inequalities.

“And how did you arrive at this line of thought?” Asked the Queen.

“These are from just my observations from when I was a beggar to when I was working at the brothel, to when I got adopted, and then to where I am now.” Seulgi shrugged. “But we don’t have to discuss that right now. Let’s just enjoy the performances tonight!”

Joohyun figured she could just get back to worrying about the economy later. For now, she and Seulgi alighted from the carriage and started to walk around. It was quite crowded, and understandably so. Seulgi took extra caution in making sure no harm would come to Joohyun, at least physically. Joohyun noticed the extra effort, and it made her smile warmly at her guard.

“I see Your Majesty is in a very good mood already,” Seulgi remarked. “I’m glad we came here tonight.”

“Hmm. The atmosphere is great. But what I love the most is being in your company,” replied Joohyun heartily. “Just the two of us. Isn’t it nice like this?”

“What, no Seungwan, no Sooyoung, no Yerim?”

Joohyun loved the way Seulgi could joke around with her. They were so comfortable with each other, so comfortable around each other, and what could be better than that?

“Alright.” Joohyun chuckled. “Let’s head back to the palace and play with them instead.”

She even took Seulgi’s hand and gave it a tug, bringing her back to where their carriage was. This only elicited a laugh from Seulgi who blurted, “ah, anywhere is fine as long as we’re together. Why don’t we go —”

Seulgi was interrupted when the crowds erupted in cheers and applause, hyping a particular performance. The music signified that the show was about to start, and so Seulgi and Joohyun hurriedly made their way to join the excited audience. However, they struggled to find a spot where they could see the performers clearly — it seemed they were at a disadvantage because of their height. If only they got here sooner.

The next thing Joohyun knew was that Seulgi was trying to say something to her, yet she could not hear a single word as it was too noisy. Seulgi gave up and instead just led Joohyun to somewhere farther away from the stage. They were only able to have a conversation when they reached the steps of a bridge. There, not every line spoken by the performers could be heard clearly, but at least they could see the entire stage. Even the backdrop, the props, the lighting, and the costumes were so fascinating; they did not want to miss any of it.

When the first pair of performers came on stage, it was a man and a woman. The former was clad in a guard’s uniform, strikingly similar to what Seulgi would normally wear when she was on duty. The latter was dressed much more elegantly, and very soon their dialogue revealed that she referred to herself as the Crown Princess.

Joohyun’s heart skipped a beat. Although she had never personally watched a street performance, she had heard some of the servants in the palace talk about it before. Commoners loved to gossip about the royal family; whenever they put on a show about a dramatized or satirized version of a story about the royal family, it was bound to attract a huge audience. This was exactly what was unfolding before her eyes.

This segment of the show ended when the Crown Princess eloped with her lover. Once again the audience clapped and cheered for the performers who did a good job. While they were certainly entertained and enthralled, Joohyun’s reaction was drastically different.

“Your Majesty, are you alright?” Seulgi asked as she chewed on her lip. She wondered if it was a mistake to bring Joohyun here in the first place. She thought it would be fun, but how could Joohyun possibly enjoy any of it when she had to be reminded of her deceased sister?

Joohyun shook her head. There was a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes as she said, “they think they know what happened, but that’s not at all the case.” She took a deep breath and took out her handkerchief, too tired to even bother trying to force her tears back. “They know so very little about what really happened, so they fill in the blanks with an outcome that they want to see. How I wish my sister could’ve had the happy ending she deserved. I’ve spent countless nights thinking about _all_ the different possibilities. I could have helped her stage her death — then we could have secretly helped her get out of the palace, go somewhere far, far away from this cruel place, and live out the rest of her days in peace. It wouldn’t have been impossible, but then out of all the people in the world it had to be our _mother_ who wiped out the last bit of hope we could have had. Why is the world such a cruel place?” She looked up at the sky, looking for answers but also hoping this could make her stop crying. “Seulgi, do you think I’m going to be next? First it was my eldest brother, then it was my sister…it’s going to be my turn soon.”

“Of course not! I’m here to protect you!”

“There are _people_ you cannot protect me against,” she replied. “I can’t even allow myself to relax, not even for a single moment. At this rate, I’m really going to go insane. My advisors already think of me as a mad woman anyway.”

“No, Majesty. Even if you have the fear that you’ll follow in your siblings’ footsteps, I still firmly believe you’re going to be the one to break the curse,” Seulgi insisted. “You’re already on the throne. They didn’t even get this far.”

“The throne was meant for _them_ before it was meant for _me_ ,” Joohyun uttered ruefully.

“But that doesn’t matter anymore. _You_ are the one sitting on the throne now. Not them. You can use power _they_ didn’t have, to protect yourself from what got them killed,” Seulgi explained. “I know you miss them really badly, and you’re going to miss them for the rest of your life, probably. I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel that way, or that you shouldn’t reminisce, but if you only ever look back, if you only ever let what happened in the past fuel your fears and make you bitter, it will get you nowhere. I understand it pains you to think about it, but they’re dead now, and they don’t have a future anymore. _You’re_ the one with a future. So do whatever you can, do whatever you must, to secure that future. Back then when I was starving and rotting on the streets, I didn’t even know if I would have a future, or if I would die of hunger before I knew it. But do you think it would have helped if I just kept thinking about my dead parents and how much I miss them? It would not have done anything to help me stay alive. So I did everything in my power to make sure I would still be able to live to see another sunrise. Even if all I could do was dance and sing on the streets, that’s exactly what I did. And as for you, you’re not a beggar. You can do so much more than I could back then. So please, focus on that. Not on your problems but on your capacity to solve these problems.”

Joohyun was utterly wrong to think she did not have to cry tonight. It was Seulgi’s words that fully moved her to tears. She almost wished Seulgi had not said all of that; she was not ready to face it. But she also felt blessed that at least she had someone who could tell her all these things. Seulgi did not have that; she had had to figure it out herself. There was no one to support her at the time. By comparison, Joohyun seemed to be in a much more fortunate position, in addition to the queen-versus-beggar privilege.

“You’re right,” she admitted, tearfully. “That is truly some solid advice. I’m thinking too much and not doing enough. At this rate I’m going to be the one ruining my own future. I’m not gonna let that happen.” She took a deep breath before going on to say, “and as for you, I promise you, you would never again have to starve, or steal, or beg, or worry about whether or not you’d have a future. Your future is by my side, like you are now.”

Seulgi derived a much-needed sense of certainty from Joohyun’s words, even though she still had her concerns. It was nice, of course, to be reassured that her basic needs would be taken care of. But what about the relationship between the two of them, specifically? She wished she could feel more certain about where they were headed. Perhaps it would help if she could be more vocal about how she felt. But she had to find a good time to bring that up, and now was not the time, not when Joohyun was looking at her like that. In the Queen’s eyes, behind the tears, was a kind of clarity that spoke volumes about her affections for her guard. It made Seulgi wonder if she was doing enough to express her feelings for Joohyun. Probably not. Maybe it was time to escalate action. But how?

Rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, Seulgi figured they were better off living in the present moment and making it special. So what could be more special than a kiss? Gingerly, she placed her hand on the balustrade, right behind Joohyun’s elbow. She wanted to get it just right, but then Joohyun was already hankering after the liplock, so much that Seulgi almost lost the chance to be the one to initiate the kiss. Almost.

Nothing else mattered once they were locking lips. The comfort they could find in just sharing a kiss was beyond imagination. All they had to do was _feel_ each other. There was nothing they had to think about. Nothing came close to how soothing it was. No wonder they did not at all want to stop. Rather, they kept it going and made it last even longer than their first kiss.

By the time they pulled apart from each other, Joohyun had forgotten that she was originally crying. Yet Seulgi had not, as she could still see that a teardrop had slid down to Joohyun’s chin, not yet willing to let go. Nor had she forgotten that it must have been her words that made Joohyun cry.

“I’m sorry.” Seulgi sighed. “I keep wanting to do things that would put you in a better mood. But every time I try, it always backfires on me and it makes you shed tears instead.”

“You said what needed to be said,” Joohyun stated. “The most important thing may not be to simply make me _feel_ better but to inspire me to _do_ better in the long run. You mean so much to me and I wish you’d realize that yourself.”

“Well…” Seulgi began to smile mischievously. “If that’s the Queen’s decree, I have no choice but to do as I’m told, right?”

Joohyun winked. “Your mind. I like it.”

Once again, the music denoted to the audience that the next segment of the show was about to begin. Joohyun and Seulgi turned their attention back to the stage. The actress that came on stage was also wearing a regal costume, and the characters around her kept addressing her as ‘Your Majesty’. This made Joohyun and Seulgi exchange glances. It seemed this troupe was not quite finished with theatricalizing the royal family.

It had not been long since Joohyun became the ruler of the country, but a lot had already happened in the sense that a number of new policies had been introduced. Although the nobles hated having to pay more tax, the common people got tax breaks. This did temporarily make the common people more willing to support this new Queen, yet the more they heard about her erratic behavior and apparent impulsivity, the more they felt unsafe under her reign. Tax deductions were one thing, but people needed more stability and reassurance, and Joohyun was yet to give them that. Her non-heterosexuality did not sit well with everyone either — some people were ashamed that their sovereign had become a representation of the corrosion of morality. It was quite clear that this show was not just for fun; it was trying to convey the message that the common people were more dissatisfied than satisfied with how the new ruler was performing so far.

“It’s sad,” she commented to Seulgi once the show ended. “That we can do a lot of good things but it’s the one bad thing that will go down in history. Like with my sister, people fixate so much on her scandalous affair, instead of everything else good about her. And I will probably be the only one to remember her for more than that, because we were so close. It’s understandable, I guess, because people never knew her personally, but tragic nevertheless. What about all the orphanages and mobile kitchens that she set up? Why do these things not matter to them anymore? Weren’t they all singing her praises when they queued up for the porridge and steamed buns? They benefited from it but are so quick to forget all about it the moment something more sensational and dramatic comes along.”

Seulgi nodded. “It makes you wonder how _your_ reign would be recorded in history, doesn’t it?”

Joohyun looked very impressed. Seulgi has managed to read her mind! Could this mean that she was no longer just a confidante? That their connection had become even stronger?

“How did you know what I was thinking?”

Seulgi pointed at her head and winked. “It’s like you said just now, Majesty. My mind.”

“Yes, it’s brilliant, your mind,” Joohyun remarked. “Indeed, the performance got me thinking about how people would remember me years and years after my death. I’m starting to be aware of the importance of 'image management'. That is, if I don’t want the good I think I’m doing to be misconstrued or forgotten.”

“So recognition is what you’re looking for?”

“Yes, I suppose that would be nice, wouldn’t it? Though that’s something that would require effort over a long period of time. It’s not going to be easy.”

“Right, but…?” Seulgi looked at the Queen expectantly.

“But I will get there someday!” Joohyun finished with confidence, which made both of them grin and giggle.

“That’s the spirit, Majesty! Now,” Seulgi went on as she patted her growling stomach. “Shall we go grab some fried dumplings?”

* * *

By the end of the night, the Queen eventually did return to her residence in the palace and hit the sack pretty quickly. On the other hand, the actress who simply _played_ the Queen’s character still had work to do even when she was no longer wearing her costume.

Backstage, she met with the middle-aged man who had been funding a lot of the troupe’s expenses. As soon as she entered the room, she bowed deferentially.

“My lord.”

“You did well tonight. You showed the Queen exactly what I wanted her to see,” said the nobleman. He then took out a gold ingot from his sleeve and placed it on a table. “This should cover your rent and your father’s medical bills.”

“Yes, my lord,” she replied emotionally. “Thank you, thank you.”

Seeing as there was nothing more he had to say to her, he left the room. She bowed again and stayed in that subservient position until he was completely out of sight. Hastily she shut the door and then carefully placed the gold ingot with the rest of the money she had been saving. Packing them up into a bag, she clutched it tightly and then bolted to the door. She opened the door and was fully ready to step outside to get to where she had to be. But before she could even take one step out of the room, she felt a cold, sharp blade swipe across her throat, swift and without hesitation. That was the last thing she felt and would ever feel.


	15. Deathtrap

Finally came the Lunar New Year. As part of the customs, the royal family had a big meal together, just like Jooyoung had explained to Nongyu previously.

The royal couple kept their eyes on each other pretty much the whole time, clearly smitten with each other. However, the Queen Mother had been closely observing the way Joohyun had been acting. Was she really going mad, just as Lord Kwon was insinuating?

After the meal, it was time for another custom where all the nobles living at court would assemble in the space in front of the grand hall where the council met. The Queen was supposed to make a speech and give her blessings to her people as part of the new year celebrations.

As was the case with most other formal occasions, Joohyun stood at the center. The rest of the royal family stood a few steps behind her but not directly, so that their faces could still be clearly seen by their subjects. Their remaining attendants and guards would have to keep to the sidelines; they were not supposed to be under the spotlight after all.

And yet, the spotlight of Joohyun’s attention was on Seulgi, and the Queen Mother was in sufficient proximity to pick up on this. Immediately, she frowned. The more Joohyun gazed fondly at Seulgi, the more the Queen Mother was displeased with this. She hardly even realized that her hands were already balled into tight fists, and this was more than just because yet another daughter of hers was getting involved with a _guard_. It was not even so much because it was a _woman_ that Joohyun was looking at that way. No, the biggest reason for the Queen Mother’s vexation was that she recognized it as the same way her late husband lovingly gazed at another woman. Her nemesis, Concubine Lee. The one and only woman who seemed to be able to hold an important, _irreplaceable_ place in the late King’s heart.

By the end of the ceremony, the Queen Mother was so pissed off that she _had_ to confront Joohyun about it. It was unmistakable — Joohyun had very strong feelings for Seulgi, and the Queen Mother was having none of it. If she could have noticed her _other_ daughter’s behavior toward her guard, if she could have picked up on those signs sooner, she would not have let Jooyeon make the deadly mistake of going _that_ far with a guard. She had already lost one daughter over this, and she was not about to let it happen again with the only daughter she had left.

“Daughter,” she piped up sternly. “It would have been nice if Jooyeon could be celebrating this new year with us, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, it would be really nice if you hadn’t killed her,” Joohyun uttered icily. She was not originally in too bad a mood — being in the same room as her sister’s murderer prevented her from enjoying herself fully, but it was still the new year, a new start, and she sure could use some _hope_ in her gloomy life. However, now that her mother had brought up the one thing that Joohyun could never forgive, it completely ruined her mood.

“It would have been nicer if she hadn’t made a mistake that cost her her own life,” the Queen Mother replied flatly.

“It wasn’t something that couldn’t have been remedied,” Joohyun insisted fiercely. “But brutally you took away the only glimmer of hope that she and I had. And for that, I will never forgive you.”

“And _I_ will never forgive you if you follow in her footsteps and make the same mistakes as she did,” the Queen Mother shot back, not at all intimidated. “Do you really think I am completely oblivious to whatever is going on between you and your guard?”

Joohyun smiled, but it was a menacing one. “How soon can I expect to die at your hands?” She then broke into hysterical giggles, but it sounded more like she was crying for help, for mercy, for salvation, and she was finding this anything but hilarious. “My elder brother died at your hands. My elder sister too. So I’m going to be next, right? Will you be satisfied then, or do you want to murder Jooyoung in cold blood, too? Go ahead. I’m ready.”

The Queen Mother shook her head. “You only see my actions but never my motives and intentions.”

“I don’t want to take a look into your heart that’s made of stone.”

“Even if you don’t try to understand where I’m coming from, you’ve still got to understand that this should not be happening. It’s simply not socially acceptable.”

“Conventions are only conventions as long as enough people subscribe to them and try to uphold them,” Joohyun declared, huffing in indignance. “Once they are bent and broken, they’ll be reduced to dust. I’ll start.”

“You’ll start _nothing_ ,” the Queen Mother hissed harshly. “Do you not realize that, as the monarch, the people expect you to be the epitome of the moral code that the country is supposed to obey?”

“So you _do_ still remember that _I_ am the ruler of this country,” Joohyun retorted, her tone sharper than any blade any guard could ever wield. “ _I_ am the supreme ruler of this nation that _everyone_ must obey, and that includes _you_. _I_ alone will decide what’s acceptable and what’s not. So don’t try to tell me what the rules permit or prohibit, because _I’m_ the one who makes the rules. If you think it is a man’s prerogative to take concubines, well, that will cease to be the case under my reign. If it pleases me to make Seulgi one of my consorts, just like the way Father brought Concubine Lee into his harem, then I’ll do exactly that. Because I _can_ , and no one can stop me, because they’re not the one in charge of this country. You’ll do well to remember that, _Mother_.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” the Queen Mother pretty much exclaimed. “If you insist on playing with fire, don’t come crying when you find yourself getting burned. You’re turning this country into an ugly mess, and I can’t imagine what shape or form it’s going to be in by the time you hand it over to Jooyoung.”

“You know the country would never have had to be in Jooyoung’s hands or mine if only our elder siblings were still alive,” said Joohyun sardonically. “All of this is your fault.”

“ _Now_ I’m starting to wish they were still around,” the Queen Mother uttered. “As long as either of them sits on the throne, _you’ll_ be the one sent off to a foreign country to marry some emperor, or king, or prince. _That_ would humble you a little. That way, you wouldn’t be spiralling into madness, nor would you be here, walking around with your nose in the air and talking so disrespectfully to your own mother.”

“I’ll just ask you one thing, Mother.” Joohyun sighed. “If your precious son Jooyoung becomes King one day, and he has a harem full of men, and he raises taxes on the rich, and he makes it mandatory for the nobles to make donations, and he has a love affair with one of his guards — would you think of him the same way you think of me now?”

“He would _never_ ,” she snarled.

“True. Because he would listen to you and do as you say. He would become your puppet. But _I_ won’t, and that’s why you disapprove of me. That’s why you hate me. It’s not even so much about my policies or the way I rule. You just don’t like that I’m not someone you can easily control. You don’t like that I’m capable of making decisions for myself. You don’t like that I’m _empowered_ ,” Joohyun pointed out bitterly. “Which is just too bad for you, because you’re going to have to get used to it. Get used to me _not_ having to ask for your permission to do anything. My word is law, so I will be the one to define what is allowed and what isn’t allowed. You’re no longer the one in charge. Deal with it.”

The Queen Mother shook her head in despair. Joohyun was already on the path of no return, and there was nothing more that could be said or done to deter her. But the Queen Mother was not going to be so easily defeated. After all, Joohyun was still relatively new to this, whereas her mother had been playing the game of thrones for more than two decades. Joohyun had been so singularly focused on fortifying her reign and striving for empowerment. She might be able to forge an intensely powerful sword, but if she failed to put her shield to good use, her opponents would not let go of this opportunity to take her down. She was not as invulnerable to attack as she would have liked to be. And unfortunately for her, her mother knew exactly what her weakness was.

* * *

Family drama aside, Joohyun had a lot of administrative work to do. She would have loved to delegate some of it to Jooyoung, but at this stage it was more suitable for him to focus on his lessons first. He needed to consolidate his knowledge and build a solid foundation before attempting to take on more challenging tasks.

Going over reports and petitions had become an indelible part of Queen Joohyun’s life. Even after finishing one batch, the next would come without delay, and this was going to be the case as long as she was the reigning monarch.

One afternoon, Joohyun had fallen into a food coma. As much as she wanted to get more work done, she simply could not overcome the drowsiness that had conquered her. Once she was in her bedchamber, she no longer wanted to know or hear about anything from the outside world. She just wanted to take a nap in peace.

Yet there could never be any peace in the palace, not even for a single moment. Once the Queen Mother learned that Joohyun was napping, she took this chance to do what she had been plotting to do.

While Joohyun slept, Seulgi was right outside, standing on the steps that bridged the chamber and the courtyard which led up to the arched front door. There was nothing for her to do at the moment, and she thought it was just going to be yet another uneventful afternoon. Little did she know how wrong she was.

She was not at all expecting the Queen Mother to stride into the residence. Still, she minded her manners and greeted the Queen Mother as she should. She then informed the Queen Mother that Joohyun was asleep at the moment, but that did nothing to deter the Queen Mother who simply said, “oh, no. It’s not the Queen that I’m looking for. It’s _you_ , Captain Kang.”

“M-me?” Her eyes widened as she spluttered. She was so taken aback that she had neglected to be wary. After all, there was no reason why the Queen Mother would come here with friendly intentions.

“Yes, indeed. Come with me,” the Queen Mother decreed. She obviously expected no protest or objection from Seulgi, already turning on her heel to exit Joohyun’s residence. Seulgi, however, had a bad feeling about this.

“Majesty, forgive me.” She realized her voice was shaky, but she had to say it anyway. “I’m afraid it would be irresponsible of me to leave my post without notifying the Queen in advance. I am Her Majesty’s personal guard, after all. It’s my job to ensure her safety, and I merely wish to do my job well. I wouldn’t dare disappoint her.”

The Queen Mother smiled slyly. “Now I understand why the Queen likes you so much.”

“I…” Seulgi gulped and licked her lips nervously. Myriad thoughts were ganging up on her, demanding her attention and processing all at once. _What was this supposed to mean? Do I still have to leave her post and go wherever the Queen Mother wants me to go? What does she want from me anyway?_ Eventually, she squeaked, “I beg your pardon, Majesty?”

“I just mean to say you take your responsibilities very seriously, which is admirable,” the Queen Mother replied, but Seulgi could not feel the tiniest shred of genuine appreciation from her. “Now, you wouldn’t want to make me have to repeat myself, would you?”

She was eyeing Seulgi so sternly and expectantly that the younger woman really had no choice but to do as she was told. She shot a glance at two of her subordinates, motioning for them to stand right in front of the Queen’s chamber. Hopefully they would do a decent job as her substitute while she was away. Otherwise, of course they would be penalized, but more importantly, so would _she_. And the thought of allowing Joohyun to be put in danger or at risk was simply unbearable.

Feeling more helpless and powerless than ever, Seulgi trailed behind the Queen Mother obediently until they arrived at her residence. Right there in the courtyard was a child playing with some marbles. When the women got closer, he stood up and met them halfway.

Seulgi could recognize the child. It was Sehun, the young boy who was present at the picnic last time. She figured he was harmless, but still she could not understand why the Queen Mother summoned her here until the older woman finally explained herself.

“Captain Kang, since you are such a competent guard and fighter, I’ve decided to appoint you as my nephew’s coach,” she announced. “Today, you are going to teach him how to wield a wooden sword.”

Seulgi was really speechless for a moment. Sehun was just 5 years old; how could he be expected to be able to lift a sword, albeit one made of wood? It was too dangerous anyway; he would sooner injure himself than maim anyone around him. There was no way Seulgi was going to let that happen.

“I’m very honored to be His Lordship’s coach,” she began, although _very_ hesitantly. “Although...given his age, it might be more suitable for him to start with a wooden stick instead.”

As if the Queen Mother had already seen this coming, she turned to nod at her handmaiden, who then signaled for a eunuch to come up to them. He did as he was told, holding a tray on which several wooden sticks with varying length and thickness were placed. Obediently, he presented it to Seulgi and patiently waited for her to make her choice.

Seulgi sighed inwardly, seeing as she did not stand a chance against the Queen Mother who in every way could command her every action. All she could do was take her pick from the array of wooden sticks available.

It was so awkward. While she had been through a lot of vigorous training, she had always been on the receiving end of the training; hardly ever had she been in the position to coach someone else. She was not sure how to do it, and it did not help that the Queen Mother was sitting there the whole time. She was watching them closely, like a skilled predator observing every move that its prey was making, displaying no sign of fatigue. Seulgi had never been this stressed before. Perhaps Joohyun was right to say that there were _people_ she could not protect herself against.

They were only a few minutes in when all hell broke loose. It turned out Sehun was not very good with keeping his balance. Soon, he lost his balance and fell to the ground. Instantly he burst into tears, clutching his knee tightly. He would not stop wailing and screaming about how much it hurt. His servants as well as his aunt’s all rushed to his side, checking him all over for wounds. Some of them even suggested asking a physician to check on him, just to be sure.

Instead of attending the boy, the Queen Mother turned her glare in Captain Kang’s direction.

“I never took you for the careless type, Captain, but you have disappointed me thoroughly,” she snarled. “Don’t you know that you will be penalized severely for causing a _nobleman_ to be injured?”

Seulgi who was so scared that she did what every servant in the palace would do whenever they did something wrong and were at their masters’ mercy: she got on her knees and begged for forgiveness, a string of apologies pouring out from her mouth like a roaring waterfall. She did not even dare look up at the Queen Mother but if she had the guts to, she would see that there was even a triumphant glint in the look in her eyes. After all, she had no reason to not congratulate herself on this victory. She came here to give Seulgi a difficult time, and clearly her plan was working well.

“I simply cannot believe a trained and skilled fighter like you would make this kind of a mistake. This is utterly unacceptable. A befitting punishment must be issued,” the Queen Mother declared resolutely. “It’s just a matter of whether or not I’m going to strip you of your post as the Queen’s personal guard.”

Seulgi panicked. “Please, Your Majesty, I am so, so sorry. I’ll willingly accept any punishment as long as I get to stay in the Queen’s household. Please.” Her lips were trembling so much that they could not cooperate to deliver further pleas. She could not imagine not getting to stay by Joohyun’s side.

Before the Queen Mother could say a single word, her handmaiden returned to her side and reported, “His Lordship is fine apart from his knees which still hurt. His attendants will apply an ointment to relieve him of the pain.”

“His knees, you say? Hmm,” the Queen Mother replied slyly. “In that case, the person who caused this mishap should be the one paying for it the same way. That would be a befitting penalty, wouldn’t you agree, Captain?”

Seulgi nodded desperately. The Queen Mother turned back to her handmaiden and said, “go to the kitchens and fetch some pudding for me and Lord Sehun. We’ll stay indoors while Captain Kang will remain kneeling here until the sun sets. This way she will be able to experience the pain she has inflicted upon the poor boy. She will also have ample time to reflect upon her careless mistake and learn from it.”

Seulgi made no protest. At least she got to keep her title and position. The physical pain and exhaustion she could tolerate — it would take much more than that to kill her.

The maid did as the Queen Mother ordered and was on her way out. That was also when she ran into two other members of the royal family who were just stepping into the courtyard. Prince Jooyoung and Princess Nongyu were here, along with a few of their attendants. Once they greeted the Queen Mother, it was evident from their facial expressions that they were going to ask about what happened and why Captain Kang was here instead of around Joohyun. The Queen Mother saw this coming, so she spoke first.

“Ah, you’re here. You two promised Sehun you’d play chess with him, right? I’m not sure he’d still be in the mood for that,” she said. “He was injured just now, all thanks to Captain Kang right here.”

Seulgi was immeasurably frustrated by the way the Queen Mother twisted the entire story and framed her as the bad guy. But she kept her mouth sewed shut, mindful that she was not at all in the position to raise objections or, both literally and figuratively, stand up for herself. She could only look at the young couple pleadingly, hoping that they might be able to intervene on her behalf. However, she also understood that they had no obligation to do so.

“Mother,” said Jooyoung calmly but firmly. “May I ask you to spare Captain Kang? I remember when Nongyu fell into the lake the other day, Captain Kang didn’t hesitate to jump into the water. I believe this proves she has a kind heart and she would never have the intention to harm anyone, let alone a defenseless young boy.”

Nongyu nodded hastily and added, “Captain Kang did play an important role in saving my life. So if my lifesaver has to be punished, then I am going to receive the same punishment.”

To prove that she was serious, she also got on her knees. This prompted her husband to follow suit and declare, “well, I will not let my wife suffer alone, so I will also do the same.”

“Preposterous!” The Queen Mother huffed. “Get up, both of you. Now.”

The couple exchanged glances and nods. Not only were they not at all deterred, they even became more determined.

“Mother, if you insist upon this penalty, then the two of us will accompany Captain Kang all the way,” Jooyoung replied. “Besides, if Captain Kang has committed such a heinous crime against Sehun, has she had the chance to apologize to him personally? If he forgives her, she ought to be pardoned and spared. Or at least _he_ should also have a say in how she should be dealt with.”

Seulgi found herself crying, but she could not tell if it was because she was so frustrated, or because she was moved to tears. It touched her heart to see the couple so determined and willing to defend her. Maybe it was not an entirely hopeless situation after all.

The Queen Mother rolled her eyes. She was expecting them to be more obedient; she could not believe it was _them_ who got in the way of her plot against Joohyun. In her eyes, Seulgi had all along just been a means to an end. She was not going to let her precious son and daughter-in-law go through the same shit she was only trying to put Seulgi through. It was simply not worth it.

While she was trying to make up her mind, her maid had returned from the kitchens, ready to serve the pudding. As such, she relented and announced to Seulgi reluctantly, “since both the Prince and the Princess are so willing to vouch for you, I will lessen your penalty, but I am not going to remove your punishment altogether. Instead of kneeling, you will just stand here till the sun sets. This is final.”

The couple smiled in relief. Jooyoung got up first and then helped Nongyu up. They dusted themselves off and then followed the Queen Mother to the dining room for refreshments.


	16. Sword & Shield

When dusk finally came, the Queen Mother’s handmaiden approached Seulgi to announce that she was allowed to leave. Tiredly she made her way back to the Queen’s residence, feeling as though a ton of heavy rocks were chained to her ankles. It also felt like her legs did not even belong to her; _she_ was enslaved by the unbearable weight. Every step felt extremely heavy and she could not feel any part of her body except for how swollen her legs were. It was nothing that could not be remedied; hopefully her work performance would not be _too_ affected. She really did not need to bring further disappointment to anyone, especially not to Joohyun.

She adjusted her clothes and fixed her hair on the way, wondering if she would be capable of pretending that nothing happened and that everything was fine. Or perhaps she would not be able to fool the Queen who did tend to pay a lot of attention to her.

When she was a few yards away from the residence, one of her subordinates was already running up to her urgently. “Captain, Captain! The Queen is demanding to see you.”

“What happened?” She asked worriedly. “You didn’t let any harm come to Her Majesty, did you?!”

“No, no. Her Majesty woke up from her nap not long ago and asked why you weren’t around. You better report to her right away, Captain. She’s in _your_ chamber waiting for you.”

“ _Mine_? Why would she…” Seulgi uttered under her breath as she strode right in. Indeed Joohyun was already there, seated on one of the chairs. But once Seulgi shut the door and it was just the two of them, Joohyun rose to her feet only to sit on the side of Seulgi’s bed instead.

“I heard about what happened,” Joohyun piped up as she shifted to sit in a more relaxed manner. “How are you feeling?”

“I…” Seulgi spluttered weakly. “I’m fine…”

Joohyun sighed. “Shall I penalize you for being dishonest with me as well? Would you like to carry on standing till the sun rises again?”

Seulgi looked down at her feet in shame. “Majesty...I don’t want to add to your burdens. I wasn’t looking for trouble. I wish it never happened.”

Insistently, Joohyun motioned for Seulgi to sit on the side of the bed. Seulgi did as she was told as she could longer find the energy to decline. But Joohyun did not stop there — she specifically instructed Seulgi to lie down and place her legs atop several cushions.

“Important to keep them elevated,” she explained. “Should help with the blood circulation. But you still need to relax.”

“I find it difficult to relax, Majesty,” Seulgi admitted. “It’s kind of awkward...like this…”

“Sharing a bed with me makes you feel awkward?” Joohyun asked deliberately. Although her tone was lighthearted, her words still made Seulgi’s eyes go wide.

“I don’t mean it like that!” Seulgi blurted. “Please don’t misunderstand…”

Joohyun could not help but laugh gently. “Look at you; you’re blushing.”

“What?! I...but…”

“So flustered and all. And here I thought nothing could make you react this way. Thought you were all desensitized to...certain matters.”

“Majesty…” she whined, using her hands to cover most of her face.

“Do you mind if I touch you?” Joohyun asked.

“I beg your pardon?!” Seulgi squeaked, scrambling to her feet but was abruptly stopped by the Queen.

“Poor choice of words,” Joohyun quickly clarified, even though Seulgi suspected that she phrased it poorly _on purpose_. “I just mean...if you don’t mind, I can give you a massage?”

Just when Seulgi thought she could not be more surprised than she already was, Joohyun proved her wrong.

“But... _how_??”

Joohyun shrugged. “I use my hands, I guess?” She looked down at her palms and wriggled her fingers. “I have two of these.”

“I...I mean...you...you _can’t_. You’re the _Queen_. Why would it ever be _you_ doing that for someone else when it should always be the other way around?”

“Yes I _can_ , and I would very much like to,” Joohyun insisted.

“That’s very kind of you, but...I can’t possibly just let the Queen _serve_ somebody else, especially not me…” Seulgi gulped and her eyes darted everywhere. “Maybe...you could just get another servant to do it…?”

“So you _do_ want a massage but you just don’t want _me_ to do it.” Joohyun pouted and put her hands on her hips. This was the first time she had ever behaved this way in front of Seulgi, which inevitably made the guard chuckle.

“Majesty, I really don’t know what to say at this point,” she admitted, tenderly patting her cheeks to see if it would help make the blush go away.

“You’re right; I definitely could’ve just had someone else done it for you,” Joohyun replied. “But then word would get out, like it always does. And it would just lead to complications, people asking questions about why the Queen was giving special treatment to a guard. So...all the more reason for me to do it myself.”

“Alright…” Seulgi whispered, giving in seeing as the Queen was so adamant. She was too exhausted to come up with more excuses anyway.

Seulgi started to roll up the hem of her trousers, but then abruptly came to a stop. It was as if she realized that something was awfully wrong and changed her mind right away.

“You know what,” she said awkwardly. “It’s not really a big deal. I’ve been through worse as a child. It’s not going to kill me. I’ll just lie down for a bit and I’m going to be fine.”

Despite her seemingly reassuring words, she had her hands placed protectively over her legs. This gesture further enabled the Queen to see right through her lies. Joohyun was curious, of course, but was also reluctant to push Seulgi for the truth about what she was trying to cover up.

“It’s alright,” said Joohyun softly. Seulgi had been through enough and Joohyun would rather try to soothe her than pressure her into compliance. “I’m sure you know your body and your needs better than I do. But do get as much rest as you need.”

Seulgi did not move her hands away, but she did look up to meet Joohyun’s gaze. She nodded appreciatively, and then Joohyun took her leave, deciding it was probably better to give her some space and privacy. Joohyun had her own work to do anyway. In particular, she had to make up for the lost time as she had fallen asleep earlier. But that would have to wait till after dinner as she was hungry. It was not as if she could expect herself to be able to concentrate on work-related matters anyway, not when her mind was filled with thoughts of Seulgi, why she behaved that way just now, and why she was bullied by the Queen Mother earlier. Joohyun needed answers and she was getting impatient, which was making her frustrated. She wished someone could hand all the answers to her right away. And at the moment the only person that she could think of who might be capable of providing some answers would be the one and only Moonbyul.

“Your Majesty,” said Moonbyul once she entered the dining hall. “You asked to see me?”

“Yes,” Joohyun answered quickly. “Have a seat. Dine with me.”

At that cue, one of the maids came along and placed more food and drinks on the table, having prepared a set of utensils for Moonbyul as well. Once they started eating, Moonbyul asked, “Majesty, is something wrong?”

“Everything is wrong.” Joohyun let out a groan and then started to explain the mishaps today. “I don’t know how all of this could have happened within just one afternoon. I take a nap and instantly everything goes wrong. How am I supposed to live?”

“I’m not surprised that the Queen Mother would pull this kind of a stunt. It sounds just like her,” Moonbyul replied. “But I think I know why Seulgi wasn’t willing just now.”

“Why is that?”

“Well…” she hesitated. “If she didn’t want to show you, she probably doesn’t want me to reveal it to you either…so I’m not sure if I should tell you...”

“But if you satisfy my curiosity, then I can understand her better,” Joohyun chirped. “And that would be good for our relationship, don’t you think?”

Moonbyul sighed and relented. “I don’t know how much you know about the training that Master Kang gives us, but it can be very intensive at times. Getting cuts or abrasions, it happens all the time. We usually recover fairly quickly, since we’re young, but the scars remain. We usually don’t do anything about it because it happens so often. Besides, _we’re_ not the ones who are expected to look pretty, so who cares?”

“So...what you’re saying is that Seulgi doesn’t want me to see the scars on her legs, is that what you mean?”

“I think so. And even before she became a trainee, remember how tough a life she’d been living. She’s got quite a few untreated wounds from when she was younger. You can’t expect a beggar to have access to medical resources or hygienic living environments. Most of her scars did fade, but still, some are there to stay. I’m guessing it reminds her of the worst days of her life. It’s more traumatizing than either of us can imagine. Not even she herself is willing to have to look at them. It’s not hard to understand, then, why she wouldn’t want _you_ to see it.”

“I wouldn’t have thought of her differently even if I were to see her scars…” Joohyun uttered.

“I believe you, but she doesn’t know that for sure. So why would she take that risk?” Moonbyul pointed out. “To her, it’s very important to have a sense of certainty.”

Joohyun nodded slowly and pensively, beginning to understand the situation better. “But, Moonbyul, you’ve been to so many different countries before. Haven’t you ever come across any sort of...ointment or potion or medicine or whatever that can get rid of scars, even older ones?”

“I’ve heard of a few, but they’re usually _very_ expensive, so they’d be reserved for people from the upper class,” she replied. “I can’t be sure if they’re really effective, though. I’ve never stuck around long enough to observe how well it works.”

“Well, it’s worth a try. Find a way to get in touch with merchants who can get their hands on what we need. Check it with a few trusted physicians to see if it’s legitimate, and whether or not it has any side effects,” Joohyun decreed decisively. “I don’t care how much it costs. If there’s a good chance it’s going to help, purchase it.”

Moonbyul nodded. “Yes, Majesty. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll do my best.”

“Now, as for the bigger problem,” Joohyun went on bitterly. “My mother. She’s not to be underestimated. And I _know_ this, but I still made the mistake of underestimating her. Stupid of me.”

Moonbyul thought hard for a moment before saying, “perhaps your mistake was not so much that you underestimated _her_ but that you overestimated _yourself_.”

“Oh? Go on.”

“See, at the height of her power she was at best the Queen _consort_. She still has to do as her husband the King says. But with _you_ , it’s different. Because you’re the Queen in your very own right, the one and only sovereign. You’ve risen higher than she could ever. You no longer have to be under her control, so it makes you feel invincible. It makes you overlook what’s out of your reach. Technically, you even have the power to so much as _execute_ her.”

“Can’t say I haven’t thought about that,” uttered Joohyun under her breath.

“You certainly can ban her from ever interacting with Seulgi in any way. You can close one door on her, but she’ll just open a window. She doesn’t personally hold a grudge against Seulgi; this was directed at _you_. And I’m sure she’s capable of coming up with a million and one ways to give you a hard time. Ultimately, all of this, all of her efforts and attempts, it’s just to get _you_ to do whatever it is that she wants you to do, and to stop you from doing whatever it is that she _doesn’t_ want you to do. This time it involves Seulgi; next time it could involve someone else, maybe me. Who knows?” Moonbyul shrugged.

“So I must fight back,” Joohyun stated, the frown on her face growing deeper. “Not going to let her just get away with it.”

“Of course you must. But that’s not all you need to do. It’s like a duel — it’s never about _just_ offenses or _just_ defenses. It has to be a skillful combination of both, depending on the fast-changing, _ever_ -changing circumstances. You are the most powerful person in the country now, which makes you think you have the strongest, sharpest sword. And while that might be true, it doesn’t mean you no longer need your shield. Use it. Use it wisely. Wear your armor and visor. Here in the palace, there’s really no such thing as being too cautious.”

“Hmm...even though I can’t quickly disarm this obstinate opponent, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to strengthen my defenses and also put some distance between me and her, right?” Joohyun asked. “I think I have an idea.”

* * *

Joohyun felt better after confiding in Moonbyul and collecting her advice, but still, she could not sleep well. She did not have trouble falling asleep, but she woke up way too early and could not return to slumber. Sighing, she got out of bed and had her handmaidens serve breakfast. She specified that a small meal would suffice — she did not have much of an appetite.

After the first meal of the day, there was still quite some time before she was supposed to meet with her advisors. She figured she had enough time to visit the royal mausoleum — today was a special day and there was no better time for her to take a trip down memory lane. It was so early in the morning that she was not likely to be disturbed, which was perfect.

On the way, they passed by the armory, on which Joohyun’s stare seemed to linger. To Seulgi, who was walking right beside the vehicle, the armory was a place she was so familiar with that she could not understand why Joohyun felt the need to spend an extra moment to look at it.

“Your Majesty,” Seulgi piped up. “Is something the matter?”

Joohyun gave her guard a bittersweet smile. “It just reminded me of someone.”

“May I ask who?”

Since Seulgi was looking up at her with so much curiosity and affection in her eyes, Joohyun decided to entertain the question.

“My brother,” she answered. “Not Jooyoung. The other one.”

Seulgi took a moment to think before she could reply. “Is Your Majesty referring to your _elder_ brother, the late Crown Prince Joohyeong?”

“Oh, you remember him. I feel like way too many people have forgotten.” Joohyun sighed. It had only been two years since his death, and people were already acting like he never existed. Joohyun wondered if the same would also happen to Jooyeon, two years from now, or even sooner than that.

“Was Your Majesty close with His Highness?” Seulgi asked, and Joohyun nodded.

“Even though we were half-siblings, I don’t think I was any less close with him than I was with my full siblings,” Joohyun revealed. “It’s kind of funny how all of us got along as kids even though our mothers were sworn enemies. Initially, my mother didn’t want any of her children to have any interactions with my father’s concubine’s _offspring_. But our father wanted all of us to play together, and gladly we did. Not to mention our father’s authority trumps my mother’s. So she’s the one who’s been miserable and bitter about it, whereas my siblings and I had plenty of fun together.”

“Ah, do you mean Concubine Lee? If my memory serves me right, she was the one who gave birth to the late Crown Prince Joohyeong, who was the late King’s firstborn son. Only after that did the Queen Mother’s children come along: first, the late Crown Princess Jooyeon, followed by Your Majesty, and finally Prince Jooyoung.”

“Exactly. But Joohyeong and I shared a lot more than just a parent. The reason why I was staring in that direction just now,” she explained. “Was that I saw the servants carrying around boxes of arrows, counting and sorting them. It was the arrows that reminded me of him. After all, he was the one who taught me archery.”

“So _that’s_ why Your Majesty is such an excellent archer,” Seulgi replied cheerily. “I’m sure His Highness would be proud of you.”

Joohyun smiled despite the wistful look in her eyes. “Back then, he saw my potential and he told me, ‘you’re gonna beat me on the archery field one day’. But then…” her voice trailed off.

“But then that day never came,” said Seulgi, intercepting just in time to finish that sentence for her.

“Right. So now, all that I can do is go to the mausoleum, have a chat with him, and pray for him,” she concluded.

“If that’s already the best you can do, then that’s going to be good enough,” Seulgi added in reassurance. “We agreed to not dwell on the past, right?”

Joohyun replied with a nod. “It won’t take long. I’m just going to burn some incense for him and wish him a happy birthday.”

“Oh! It’s His Highness’ birthday today?”

“Indeed,” Joohyun answered. “That’s why it’s such a special day.”

Once she alighted from the palanquin, she entered the mausoleum on her own while all of her attendants, including Seulgi, waited outside. As soon as she stepped inside, she saw that someone else had already beat her to it. There was a woman, kneeling and praying.

Joohyun stepped closer to see the woman’s face and figure more clearly. Then she could easily recognize the woman. Clearing her throat, she spoke. “Concubine Lee?”


End file.
